roadrash
cycle chatterer
- Location
- sitting on the edge of wigan pier
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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mistyoptic
Vintage
- Location
- A parallel reality
I am still trying to figure out what a conditon is.
Gwylan
Veteran
- Location
- All at sea⛵
Think if you have to ask you don't need to worry.
Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
9 out of 10 zoo vets consider it too dangerous to work on grizzlies unless they have been given very strong anaesthetic.
There's safety in numb bears.
There's safety in numb bears.
classic33
Leg End Member
Seamus goes into the pub on his way home from the doctors. Paddy, the barman, notices the long look on his face, and enquires what's wrong.
Seamus explains that he's just been to the doctors because he's not been feeling himself of late. Paddy replies instantly saying it's just as well, as he could be arrested for less.
Seamus explains that he's just been to the doctors because he's not been feeling himself of late. Paddy replies instantly saying it's just as well, as he could be arrested for less.
classic33
Leg End Member
Murphy walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk.
‘Ah here, you drank those very quickly‘ said the barman. ‘Well’ says Murphy, ‘If you had what I had you’d drink them quickly, too’.
‘Shite’ replied the barman ‘What do you have?’ ‘A tenner’ replied Murphy.
‘Ah here, you drank those very quickly‘ said the barman. ‘Well’ says Murphy, ‘If you had what I had you’d drink them quickly, too’.
‘Shite’ replied the barman ‘What do you have?’ ‘A tenner’ replied Murphy.
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
Man sits next to me on the train.
MAN: Loads of psychopaths around here
ME: Really?
MAN: Loads mate
ME: How'd you know?
MAN: There's signs aren't there?
ME: I guess?
MAN: Well I love them
(50 minutes of awkward silence.)
Man leaves train, he has a bike. I then realise he was saying 'cycle paths'.
MAN: Loads of psychopaths around here
ME: Really?
MAN: Loads mate
ME: How'd you know?
MAN: There's signs aren't there?
ME: I guess?
MAN: Well I love them
(50 minutes of awkward silence.)
Man leaves train, he has a bike. I then realise he was saying 'cycle paths'.
classic33
Leg End Member
Jack wakes up in a hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again and everything; however, your manhood was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it.”
Jack groans, but the doctor goes on "You have £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new one They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly £1,000 an inch. On hearing this Jack perks up considerably.
Doctor: "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit uncomfortable. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed."
The doctor agrees to give Jack and his wife tine to talk this over and returns the following day
Doctor: "So, have you spoken with your wife?”
Jack: "Yes I have," says Jack
Doctor: "And has she helped you make a decision?”
Jack: "Yes".
Doctor: "What is your decision?".
Jack: "We're getting a new kitchen".
Jack groans, but the doctor goes on "You have £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new one They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly £1,000 an inch. On hearing this Jack perks up considerably.
Doctor: "You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now, she might be a bit uncomfortable. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed."
The doctor agrees to give Jack and his wife tine to talk this over and returns the following day
Doctor: "So, have you spoken with your wife?”
Jack: "Yes I have," says Jack
Doctor: "And has she helped you make a decision?”
Jack: "Yes".
Doctor: "What is your decision?".
Jack: "We're getting a new kitchen".
