Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

It’s a little known fact that Winnie the Pooh author AA Milne had a smaller brother called AAA Milne.

 

[Punkawallah]

It’s a little known fact that Winnie the Pooh author AA Milne had a smaller brother called AAA Milne.

Known to his mates as ‘Volt and a half’?

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

View attachment 744869

I know that feeling!

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

 

[swee'pea99]

Woman's going past a pet shop and there's a parrot in the window, beautiful bird, gold and blue. And she loves it so she goes in and asks how much for the parrot, and the shopkeeper says £20, and she thinks wow, only £20, and says I'll take it. And the pet shop owner says, well there's something I have to warn you about.... This parrot has spent his life in a brothel and he's learnt a fairly extensive vocabulary, and the woman thinks 20 quid I'll take a chance and she says that's fine and takes the parrot home.

When she gets home she takes the cover off the cage and the parrot looks around and says New place, very nice. And the woman's daughters walk in, and the parrot says New place, new girls, very nice. And the woman's husband walks in and the parrot says Hello Keith.

 

[Legs]

Woman's going past a pet shop and there's a parrot in the window, beautiful bird, gold and blue. And she loves it so she goes in and asks how much for the parrot, and the shopkeeper says £20, and she thinks wow, only £20, and says I'll take it. And the pet shop owner says, well there's something I have to warn you about.... This parrot has spent his life in a brothel and he's learnt a fairly extensive vocabulary, and the woman thinks 20 quid I'll take a chance and she says that's fine and takes the parrot home.

When she gets home she takes the cover off the cage and the parrot looks around and says New place, very nice. And the woman's daughters walk in, and the parrot says New place, new girls, very nice. And the woman's husband walks in and the parrot says Hello Keith.

An oldie, but a goodie!

 

[gbb]

Yesterday I was having a stroll, in the jungles of Borneo, when I saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to a local village elder and remarked.
"That lizard's really funny!"

"Oh, that's not a lizard, " he said " it's a stand up chameleon."

🦎 ☺️🦎 ☺️🦎

Class...made me laugh out loud.

 

[Andy in Germany]

Yesterday I was having a stroll, in the jungles of Borneo, when I saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to a local village elder and remarked.
"That lizard's really funny!"

"Oh, that's not a lizard, " he said " it's a stand up chameleon."

🦎 ☺️🦎 ☺️🦎

Oh, very good sirrah, very good indeed.

 

[classic33]

Yesterday, Mick was going to bed when he heard thieves in his garage.
He immediately phoned the police. Unfortunately, the call handler on the phone told him that they don't have any police officers free at the moment.

The guy hung up and then called again in a moment and tells the call handler:
- it’s about these thieves in my garage.
Don't bother coming anymore I've shot them.
After literally 2 minutes, 4 police cars, armed response, counter terrorists, ambulances,..... Thieves were obviously caught.
Police officers had a chat with the gentleman

Officer says - “ You said you shot them! “
Gentlemen - “ And you said you don't have any free police officers “.

 

[PeteXXX]

In the papers today it says that eating oily fish helps to stop deafness.

Good news for the hard of herring.

 

[Toshiba Boy]