Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
My friend asked me who my favourite vampire was. I said it was the muppet off Sesame Street. They told me he didn't count. I replied that he most definitely does.
classic33
Leg End Member
An elderly man living alone in London wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son to describe his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad x
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
The morning after, the murder squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you x
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad x
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
The morning after, the murder squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you x
I was talking to a friend, and he said to me, "Cavlol, you know what you should do? You should be the third most popular Britpop band
"What?" I said
"That's what you should do," he said. "You should be the third most popular Britpop band.
"I don't know what you mean," I said
"Yes you do he said. "Be it! Be the third most popular Britpop band. You, be it. Go on
I don't understand," I said
"You, right," he said. "You, you're you. That's who you are. But instead, right, you should be the third most popular Britpop band. Be that, instead of being you."
"You're not making any sense," I said.
"I am, and you absolutely should do this he insisted. "Be the third most popular Britpop band."
I was starting to get a little annoyed by eager and excited. so didn't reply. He kept looking at me
"What?" eventually said
"You know," he said.
"Do I" I asked.
"Yeah!" he said. "The thing about being the third most popular Britpop band! You've got to do You've got to be the third most popular Britpop band! Do it you'd be great! Stop being you. Start being the third most popular Britpop band."
"No, I said.
"Yeah!" he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band! Be the third most popular Britpop band! Be it be it be it, be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band."
"I'm not doing it." I said.
"You must!" he said. "You simply must!"
"No." I said. "Shut up."
"I won't shut up!" he said. "I won't shut up until you are the third most popular Britpop band
"Leave me alone I shouted.
"Nol" he said, slamming his fist on the table. "You have to do this! You have to! It's important "No I don't, and no it isn't, I said.
"Yes it is he said. was staring intensely at me, a determined and focused look in his eyes. I'd never seen him behave like this before, so earnest and passionate.
"Please. Please be the third most popular Britpop band" "No." I said. "Can we talk about something else? I read an interesting article about concrete this afternoon." "Cavalol," he said, placing his hand on my arm. "Be the third most popular Britpop band
"No" I said
"Be the third most popular Britpop band." he said "Go on. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Do it. Become it. Be it. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Not the most popular. Not the second most popular. Not the fourth most popular. Be the third most popular Britpop band"
"No," I said. ".... don't know how." "Yes you do he said. "You do, and you can, and you must, and you should. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be third most popular Britpop band"
"No" I said.
"Be the third most popular Britpop band he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band Do it do it! Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to! Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Yes, yes, yes yes." "No!" I said.
"Yes!" he said. "Be the third roost popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. It's important and you have to. Please, Mike. Please be the third most popular Britpop band
"No! " I said
Yes!" he said
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said. "Be it"
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said.
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band"
it went on for hours. I kept refusing, and he kept insisting. I'd say no, and he would simply refuse to take that as an answer, and continue to tell me that I should be the third most popular Britpop band. As time went on he grew more and more passionate, showing no signs of stopping. Night fell, but he kept saying it, arguing endlessly that I should be the third most popular Britpop band. I refused, again and again and again
"Be the third most popular Britpop band." he said.
"No! " I said,
"Be the third most popular Britpop band," he
"No! " I said
"Be the third most popular Britpop band," he said
"No! " I said.
"Be the third most popular Britpop band" he said.
"No! " I said
"Cavalol" he said. "Damn you! Be the the most popular Britpop band"
"No! " I said. "Too late. I want to go home. I don't want to be the third most popular Britpop band."
"It's not about what you want!" he said. "It's about what you should do! And you know what you should do. And you should do it You should do it! You should be the third most popular Britpop band!"
"No I shouldn't" I yelled
"Yes you should!" he yelled back.
He kept saying it, and I kept saying no. He kept saying it, and I kept saying no. He kept telling me to be the third most popular Britpop band, and I kept saying no. He kept insisting, and I kept saying no. He said it again and again and again, and refused every time, determined that however much he wanted me to be the third most popular Britpop band, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be the third most popular Britpop band. But he kept saying it and I started to give in.
And eventually, I was Suede.
"What?" I said
"That's what you should do," he said. "You should be the third most popular Britpop band.
"I don't know what you mean," I said
"Yes you do he said. "Be it! Be the third most popular Britpop band. You, be it. Go on
I don't understand," I said
"You, right," he said. "You, you're you. That's who you are. But instead, right, you should be the third most popular Britpop band. Be that, instead of being you."
"You're not making any sense," I said.
"I am, and you absolutely should do this he insisted. "Be the third most popular Britpop band."
I was starting to get a little annoyed by eager and excited. so didn't reply. He kept looking at me
"What?" eventually said
"You know," he said.
"Do I" I asked.
"Yeah!" he said. "The thing about being the third most popular Britpop band! You've got to do You've got to be the third most popular Britpop band! Do it you'd be great! Stop being you. Start being the third most popular Britpop band."
"No, I said.
"Yeah!" he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band! Be the third most popular Britpop band! Be it be it be it, be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band, be the third most popular Britpop band."
"I'm not doing it." I said.
"You must!" he said. "You simply must!"
"No." I said. "Shut up."
"I won't shut up!" he said. "I won't shut up until you are the third most popular Britpop band
"Leave me alone I shouted.
"Nol" he said, slamming his fist on the table. "You have to do this! You have to! It's important "No I don't, and no it isn't, I said.
"Yes it is he said. was staring intensely at me, a determined and focused look in his eyes. I'd never seen him behave like this before, so earnest and passionate.
"Please. Please be the third most popular Britpop band" "No." I said. "Can we talk about something else? I read an interesting article about concrete this afternoon." "Cavalol," he said, placing his hand on my arm. "Be the third most popular Britpop band
"No" I said
"Be the third most popular Britpop band." he said "Go on. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Do it. Become it. Be it. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Not the most popular. Not the second most popular. Not the fourth most popular. Be the third most popular Britpop band"
"No," I said. ".... don't know how." "Yes you do he said. "You do, and you can, and you must, and you should. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be third most popular Britpop band"
"No" I said.
"Be the third most popular Britpop band he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band Do it do it! Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to! Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Yes, yes, yes yes." "No!" I said.
"Yes!" he said. "Be the third roost popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. You have to Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. Be the third most popular Britpop band. It's important and you have to. Please, Mike. Please be the third most popular Britpop band
"No! " I said
Yes!" he said
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said. "Be it"
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said.
"No! " I said.
Yes!" he said. "Be the third most popular Britpop band"
it went on for hours. I kept refusing, and he kept insisting. I'd say no, and he would simply refuse to take that as an answer, and continue to tell me that I should be the third most popular Britpop band. As time went on he grew more and more passionate, showing no signs of stopping. Night fell, but he kept saying it, arguing endlessly that I should be the third most popular Britpop band. I refused, again and again and again
"Be the third most popular Britpop band." he said.
"No! " I said,
"Be the third most popular Britpop band," he
"No! " I said
"Be the third most popular Britpop band," he said
"No! " I said.
"Be the third most popular Britpop band" he said.
"No! " I said
"Cavalol" he said. "Damn you! Be the the most popular Britpop band"
"No! " I said. "Too late. I want to go home. I don't want to be the third most popular Britpop band."
"It's not about what you want!" he said. "It's about what you should do! And you know what you should do. And you should do it You should do it! You should be the third most popular Britpop band!"
"No I shouldn't" I yelled
"Yes you should!" he yelled back.
He kept saying it, and I kept saying no. He kept saying it, and I kept saying no. He kept telling me to be the third most popular Britpop band, and I kept saying no. He kept insisting, and I kept saying no. He said it again and again and again, and refused every time, determined that however much he wanted me to be the third most popular Britpop band, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be the third most popular Britpop band. But he kept saying it and I started to give in.
And eventually, I was Suede.
Last edited:
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
FFS. You're not even getting your coat back for that.
Smokin Joe
Squire
- Location
- Bare headed cyclist, Smoker
And he can pay for his own feckin' taxi.
Please don't do that again. PLEASE!
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
