Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[Moon bunny]

The chocolate thief tried to cycle away on his Galaxy, but it melted.

I hope they bury the cad.

 

[Tribansman]

I hope they bury the cad.

There were two of them apparently, both called Terry

 

[Andy in Germany]

There were two of them apparently, both called Terry

I hear the police have offered a Bounty if they're captured.

 

[Andy in Germany]

... but the perpetrators have claimed asylum in a foreign embassy, where the Ambassador is apparently spoiling them...

 

[PeteXXX]

If you identify the vowels of the name "Celine Dion" and vocalize them in order it reminds you of another tune! 🎶

 

[tyred]

 

[PeteXXX]

I've just lost a court case against a fabric conditioner.

I fought Lenor, and Lenor won....

 

[Cavalol]

Oooh wow, you got into the Olympic final.

What do you want, a medal?

 

[tyred]

 

[srj10]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

 

[Seevio]

Something that is non-negotiable for me is:
1. I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.
2. I do not want to be cremated.

 

[Dave7]

There is a wealthy guy in a London bar when a stunning brunette sits next to him. After a few minutes he said... Look, ii am a wealthy men, do you give hand jobs? She held her hands up to show loads of diamond rings and said......that's how I got these, the best you will ever get, £5K.
OK he says, let's find somewhere.
A while later they are back and he openly admits it was the best ever.
A while later he asks..... Do you give bl*w jobs.
She says....... What do you see on the Street? He says, a top of the range Merc. She says it will cost, £10K
Afterwards he admits it was the best ever.
After a while he says...... OK what about, some pussey.
She says..... What do you see across the road?
He says A Merc Franchise.
The brunette says..... Honey, if I had a pussey I would own, all that.