Any good jokes ... ?

[tyred]

 

[srj10]

What do lawyers wear under their lawsuits?
Briefs

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

What did one tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when they bumped together?

Spoiler: I'm so, so sorry about this

Oops, my fault

 

[T4tomo]

A passenger in a taxi forward to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb, and for a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me".

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. I'm new to this. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the past 23 years.”

 

[Sterlo]

Not really a joke but it should be:

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/worl...1&cvid=ac2ce337d9b84222bf943ab0b4a5754b&ei=19

 

[Chris S]

 

[tyred]

The best sitcom scene that didn't happen.

 

[Jameshow]

A passenger in a taxi forward to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the kerb, and for a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me".

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. I'm new to this. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the past 23 years.”

How old is this joke!!

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

 

[PeteXXX]

If you lived next door to Jean Claude Van Damme and you didn't like him, you could refer to him as "that damn Van Damme".

And if he parked his work vehicle outside your house you could say "that damn Van Damme van".

And if he worked at the nearby hydro-electric facility you could say "that damn Van Damme dam van.

 

[craigwend]

 

[swee'pea99]

If you lived next door to Jean Claude Van Damme and you didn't like him, you could refer to him as "that damn Van Damme".

And if he parked his work vehicle outside your house you could say "that damn Van Damme van".

And if he worked at the nearby hydro-electric facility you could say "that damn Van Damme dam van.

What do you call a man with a tree on his head?

Edward

What do you call a man with three trees on his head?

Edward Woodward

What do you call a man with four trees on his head?

I don't know either, but Edward Woodward would.

 

[CharlieB]

What does Morrissey like on his toast?

I don’t know either, but Johnny Marr might.

 

[kynikos]

What do you call a blind bambi?

No idea

What do you call a quadriplegic blind bambi?

Still no idea

There's more, but it gets worse...