Any good jokes ... ?

[betty swollocks]

Spoiler: NSFHome

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When posting Jokes, it's always good to have read the last few pages ...

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[tyred]

 

[srj10]

Strange experience at a Christmas lunch yesterday when my serviette started singing “chestnuts roasting on an open fire”. Turns out it was Napkin Cole.

 

[T4tomo]

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Salisbury. There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
He then travelled to Canterbury, Lincoln, Stoke, Durham and Exeter and in every cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon arriving in the North West decided to travel to Chester to visit the cathedral, and when he arrived he found the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '50 pence per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in the rest of England, the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50 pence here?'
The Vicar smiled and answered, "You're in Cheshire now, son .... it's a local call."

I think the original version of that finishes at York Minster....

 

[tyred]

 

[Andy_R]

What a difference punctuation makes...

I'm giving up drinking until Christmas.
I'm giving up. Drinking until Christmas.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

I asked the man in the shop "Have you got any Bulldog clips?"

He said "No, but I've got a nice video of a Jack Russell".

 

[Dayvo]

I asked the man in the shop "Have you got any Bulldog clips?"

He said "No, but I've got a nice video of a Jack Russell".

Hope you didn’t need to look into a Boxer’s ring! 😳

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Hope you didn’t need to look into a Boxer’s ring! 😳

It's a family site, or I'd post the one about the guy getting ready for bed, that was fond of his dogs.

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Dag Hammar]

There was an accident in my road in the early hours of this morning.
A woman swerved to avoid a child and fell out of bed.