Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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oldfatfool
Guru
An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Salisbury. There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
He then travelled to Canterbury, Lincoln, Stoke, Durham and Exeter and in every cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon arriving in the North decided to travel to Beverley to visit the minster, and when he arrived he found the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 'free call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a line to heaven, but in the rest of England, the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it free here?'
The Vicar smiled and answered, "You're in Yorkshire now, son .... it's a fixed line."
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Salisbury. There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.
He then travelled to Canterbury, Lincoln, Stoke, Durham and Exeter and in every cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same '£10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon arriving in the North decided to travel to Beverley to visit the minster, and when he arrived he found the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 'free call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've travelled all over England and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a line to heaven, but in the rest of England, the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it free here?'
The Vicar smiled and answered, "You're in Yorkshire now, son .... it's a fixed line."
Last edited:
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Scottish Central belt : NEW LOCKDOWN RULES FROM 20th DECEMBER 2021
Denny: It’s still ok to fight with your neighbour as long as you wear a mask and social distancing rules are adhered to
Camelon:Burgling homes in your local area is still permitted as long as you sanitise. Track and trace technology must be used.
Cumbernauld : You can only visit your dealer when dropping your kids off at school. Dealers must wear visors and sanitise all bags.
Alloa :You can still have sex with your sister but you must be home by 10 pm.
Raploch: Vigilante groups of 6 only permitted outdoors between the hours of 10 pm and 6am, PPE must be worn during physical contact & raves.
Plean :Sitting in the park is encouraged, but please note, although a bottle of White Lightning has higher alcohol content than hand sanitiser, it is not a suitable substitute.
Dollar: Prostitute services will still be permitted to stay open as an essential service due to concerns of an economic collapse in the area.
Falkirk Town Centre : Is now classed as a ‘NO GO ZONE’. If you must travel through this area please follow all diversions, stay in your car at all times. Masks are not required as nothing is open.
Grangemouth : All middle class drug fueled swinging orgies must adhere to the rule of 6. Masks must be worn. Gimp masks are deemed suitable.
Fife : Everyone must stay at home and self isolate until manufacturers can supply and distribute gloves with 6 fingers.
Denny: It’s still ok to fight with your neighbour as long as you wear a mask and social distancing rules are adhered to
Camelon:Burgling homes in your local area is still permitted as long as you sanitise. Track and trace technology must be used.
Cumbernauld : You can only visit your dealer when dropping your kids off at school. Dealers must wear visors and sanitise all bags.
Alloa :You can still have sex with your sister but you must be home by 10 pm.
Raploch: Vigilante groups of 6 only permitted outdoors between the hours of 10 pm and 6am, PPE must be worn during physical contact & raves.
Plean :Sitting in the park is encouraged, but please note, although a bottle of White Lightning has higher alcohol content than hand sanitiser, it is not a suitable substitute.
Dollar: Prostitute services will still be permitted to stay open as an essential service due to concerns of an economic collapse in the area.
Falkirk Town Centre : Is now classed as a ‘NO GO ZONE’. If you must travel through this area please follow all diversions, stay in your car at all times. Masks are not required as nothing is open.
Grangemouth : All middle class drug fueled swinging orgies must adhere to the rule of 6. Masks must be worn. Gimp masks are deemed suitable.
Fife : Everyone must stay at home and self isolate until manufacturers can supply and distribute gloves with 6 fingers.
mistyoptic
Vintage
- Location
- A parallel reality
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Not a joke but if this doesn’t bring a smile to your face, nothing will!
Oldhippy
Cynical idealist
That is pretty great though.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
mistyoptic
Vintage
- Location
- A parallel reality
Chris S
Legendary Member
- Location
- Birmingham
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
