Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
The train was quite crowded, so a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's pampered poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman just sniffled, turned up her nose and then said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is obviously using that seat." The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was occupied by that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm VERY tired." She snorted again, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also uncouth and arrogant!" This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked and screamed to the rest of the mostly male passengers, "Someone must defend my honor! This vile American should be put in his place!" An older English gentleman sitting nearby sighed and then spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for simply always doing the wrong thing!! You hold the dining fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. ....And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window!!
After getting nailed by US Special Forces, Osama Bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" says Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you...
What the hell did you think I said?
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" says Washington, slapping Osama in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.
Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams - "This is not what I was promised!"
An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you...
What the hell did you think I said?
tony111
Veteran
Saddam Hussein is in hiding and sends his son to the local shop for provisions. He returns with his arms full and drops fruit, milk and eggs on the floor while trying to open the door. His father demands to know why he was carrying stuff in his arms. He replied " There's no bag dad".
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
Welcome to book-binding club, make yourself a tome.
Profpointy
Legendary Member
A girl in my diving club didn't have a car and apparently used to cycle to the clubhouse with her tank on her back to get it pumped up. I gather cars used to give her quite a wide berth. It's not something I'd care to do
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
Sometimes it's a good idea to read the instructions...
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
Not a joke as such, but it made me smile.
And its a real review:
Review here page 2
What kind of dim-witted person buys a brand new tent and doesn't try assembling it first before they go on holiday?
Arjimlad
Tights of Cydonia
- Location
- South Glos
I thought the same, perhaps he lives in a flat with his 6 kids.
When my daughter told me that she'd got a new inflatable tent I was puzzled as to how that could even be practical. I envisioned it as a " Bouncy Castle " type structure and the penny dropped when I looked online and saw that it was just the cross member parts that were inflatable 😄
