Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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betty swollocks
large member
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
****True facts****
1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. Since 1966,England fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.
😆🤣😂😹😆🤣😂😹😆🤣😂
1. In the 1400s a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule of thumb.'
2. Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...
Ladies Forbidden'... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
3. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander the Great,
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
4. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
5. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.
Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
6. Since 1966,England fans have said they are going to win the cup at the start of every football competition, hence the phrase ‘deluded twat’.
😆🤣😂😹😆🤣😂😹😆🤣😂
Archie_tect
De Skieven Architek... aka Penfold + Horace
- Location
- Northumberland
"As Dido Harding seeks role as head of NHS, experts say if nothing else it’ll put the Americans off buying it."
[HIGNFY]
[HIGNFY]
OP
OP
cisamcgu
Legendary Member
- Location
- Merseyside-ish
Last edited by a moderator:
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Be careful where you shop online.
We ordered a German Shepherd and now this man is living with us.
We ordered a German Shepherd and now this man is living with us.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Mr Celine
Discordian
- Location
- Waxing my moustache
Last edited by a moderator:
betty swollocks
large member
Convince people you have American teeth by putting a train ticket in your mouth.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Visual ’sound’ effects for the electric F1.
JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
Boris Johnson is travelling in his official car to visit Nicola Sturgeon, when heading down a country lane a pig suddenly runs out in front of the car getting run over and killed instantly. The prime minister, disgusted, says to his driver:
- Find the farm where the animal comes from and explain what happened. Tell them that they will be compensated and that we are sorry.
Three hours later, the chauffeur staggers back, a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar box in the other, and his hair and clothes completely unkempt.
- What happened? - asks Johnson, sincerely surprised.
The chauffeur tries to regain his composure and replies:
-Prime minister ... I found the farmer who owns the pig and he gave me this bottle of wine, his wife offered me some food and gave me these cigars and his daughter made passionate love to me.
- Wow ... !!! What did you tell them?
- I told them: «I am Boris Johnson’s driver and I just accidentally killed the pig».
- Find the farm where the animal comes from and explain what happened. Tell them that they will be compensated and that we are sorry.
Three hours later, the chauffeur staggers back, a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar box in the other, and his hair and clothes completely unkempt.
- What happened? - asks Johnson, sincerely surprised.
The chauffeur tries to regain his composure and replies:
-Prime minister ... I found the farmer who owns the pig and he gave me this bottle of wine, his wife offered me some food and gave me these cigars and his daughter made passionate love to me.
- Wow ... !!! What did you tell them?
- I told them: «I am Boris Johnson’s driver and I just accidentally killed the pig».
