Were you shy as a child?

[pepecat]

Yep .... am the shy type. Was when i was a kid (result of bullying at school). Mum used to have to tell me to look people in the eye when i was talking to them, as it was (apparently) 'very rude' if i didn't. I can do it today, but only through practice. It's kinda become habit, rather than something i'd naturally do.
Am naturally an introvert anyway - my own head space seems safer than trusting other people....but that's just me i guess....
Hence i haven't joined a cycling club yet - i prefer going out on my own. The actual bike ridey bit of a cycle club doesn't phase me too much, its the social side of it that puts me off......

 

[Brandane]

Some of these replies sound so familiar ! I don't remember being too shy as a child, but became more "reserved" as I got older. To cut a long story short I was diagnosed with social phobia at the age of 40. Basically an extreme form of shyness, although outwardly I doubt if anyone would know. The small group of friends which I was comfortable with certainly never suspected anything, and it only seems to affect me in certain situations.
Personally, I think there is a connection with Aspergers syndrome, which runs in my family (although I have never been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with it).

As a result of the above I tend to keep myself to myself, but conversely I also enjoy a bloody good night out on the bevvy occassionally . Depends very much on the company; I can't be bothered with the loud, cocky, must be centre of attention types.

Perhaps cycling is attractive to shy types as it is something we can go out and do on our own. That's not to say all cyclists are of the shy and retiring type of course; but I do find it a good way of getting exercise while being able to go about it entirely on my own terms.

God knows why I feel able to discuss this on a public forum, as it's really only my nearest and dearest that know about this, but a problem shared and all that......

 

[Baggy]

I don't need to rely on others for mental stimulation and if I am in a situation where there are lots of people I sometimes have to retreat into my own space in order to get some energy back.

That definitely strikes a chord with me, too.

 

[Flyingfox]

I was quiet at school, but when I was at college got a part time job as a barmaid in my local, now I can talk to anyone!

 

[quassleberry]

Yes really shy and still am to a certain degree. My brother was always the clever, funny, good at sports and music child whilst I had to take a backseat. My self confidence has never been high. I wasn't bullied at school but have been whilst working in my present location by managers & area managers all because I couldn't get accessible, affordable Saturday childcare.

I was determined my children would not be treated that way and they are both very confident, outgoing children with an ability to talk to anyone whatever their age/gender/aptitude.

 

[Night Train]

Mum used to have to tell me to look people in the eye when i was talking to them, as it was (apparently) 'very rude' if i didn't. I can do it today, but only through practice. It's kinda become habit, rather than something i'd naturally do.

Personally, I think there is a connection with Aspergers syndrome, which runs in my family (although I have never been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with it).

That's the same thing with me. I am also Asperger's I don't like the eye contact thing and have a phobia of faces, I really don't like looking at them and have no photographs of people showing, also I turn magazine covers over if there is a face on it. I can't even remember faces or describe them. Even in a relationship I have failed to recognise a girlriend even after a couple of years together.
Animal faces are fine unless they have been tampered with to look human. I can easily recognse a cat or dog face even after years of separation.

 

[TVC]

It is difficult to follow such a profound and open post as the one above.

I was never shy, bullied, or the stand out personality as a kid, I was just middle of the road average.

Now I keep finding myself in leadership positions and directing others because I spotted that most people want to be lead and if you tell them what to do with a bit of confidence they will do it. Then next time they expect you to tell them what to do..... hay presto you're a manager.

 

[MossCommuter]

The older I get the more I withdraw.


"Coming along this evening?"
"Who else is coming?"
"There's him and her and him and him and them and her and him and her and them... You like them, we all met the other week"
[to myself... "that's just toooo many"] [Out loud]: "Sorry, I am busy, would have been nice though"


What makes me even more shy is when people claim to enjoy my company; that's one way to get rid of me for good.


And, whilst I like my own company, I abhor silence. Radio 4's on in every room but I am not listening to it.


Yeah, I am pretty shy but pretty unsociable too.


I wasn't like this when I was little though.


Quite cathartic this thread, isn't it.

 

[Bayerd]

Painfully shy as a child and part of that has stuck with me all my life.
Hate parties unless i know the majority of the people there, in general i tend to clam up if there's a big bunch of people, i much prefer conversations in small groups.
Yet i'm not bothered about approaching strangers and talking, but i do find it a struggle to drive a conversation along.
Much much better than i used to be, i like a laugh and am comfortable being myself but being of a quiet disposition isn't nice, i always feel limited in some way. And yet, i love working abroad, taking to people i've rarely ever met, i seem to come out of myself in some situations.

Is you me?

I'm very similar to this. Part of my job can involve attending events where I'm expected to network. I've never got the hang of it.

I've learnt how to build rapport in service and sales situations, although even then I sometimes struggle to keep things moving. Having said that, when I'm meeting clients I find that by keeping quiet (because I can't think of anything to say and am comfortable with silence), the client will often look to fill the void because they can't stand the silence. It's often during these moments that they will let something slip that I can turn to my advantage in negotiation. No wonder they say '2 ears, 1 mouth, use in that proportion..'.

 

[Globalti]

I continue to me amazed at the numbers of people admitting to shyness even in adulthood. I have always thought that solitary sports like cycling and mountaineering attracted more than their share of shy, or should I say less sociable people and this seems to prove it.

However I don't think you would get the same response if you went and asked on Veloriders, which I believe is run by an active road cycling club and seems to be populated by younger, more brash and self confident, competitive types than CC. Here: http://www.velorider...hpBB2/index.php

Do you self-proclaimed shy types realise that shyness is nearly always mistaken for standoffishness? How do you think this colours other people's view of you?

 

[gbb]

Some of these replies sound so familiar ! I don't remember being too shy as a child, but became more "reserved" as I got older. To cut a long story short I was diagnosed with social phobia at the age of 40. Basically an extreme form of shyness, although outwardly I doubt if anyone would know. The small group of friends which I was comfortable with certainly never suspected anything, and it only seems to affect me in certain situations.
Personally, I think there is a connection with Aspergers syndrome, which runs in my family (although I have never been OFFICIALLY diagnosed with it).

As a result of the above I tend to keep myself to myself, but conversely I also enjoy a bloody good night out on the bevvy occassionally . Depends very much on the company; I can't be bothered with the loud, cocky, must be centre of attention types.

Perhaps cycling is attractive to shy types as it is something we can go out and do on our own. That's not to say all cyclists are of the shy and retiring type of course; but I do find it a good way of getting exercise while being able to go about it entirely on my own terms.

God knows why I feel able to discuss this on a public forum, as it's really only my nearest and dearest that know about this, but a problem shared and all that......

This has occured to me too, probably one of the reasons you are drawn to cycling (doing it on your own terms)

I was quiet at school, but when I was at college got a part time job as a barmaid in my local, now I can talk to anyone!

I found forcing myself into situations at work helped me overcome shyness. It was hard at first, but it goes a long way to overcoming it.

That's the same thing with me. I am also Asperger's I don't like the eye contact thing and have a phobia of faces, I really don't like looking at them and have no photographs of people showing, also I turn magazine covers over if there is a face on it. I can't even remember faces or describe them. Even in a relationship I have failed to recognise a girlriend even after a couple of years together.
Animal faces are fine unless they have been tampered with to look human. I can easily recognse a cat or dog face even after years of separation.

My wife works with severely disabled kids, with a whole range of disabilities. The reluctance to look at a face is a typical Aspbergers, and Autistic actually, feature. there's other features she describes...and i think, yeah, i do that to a degree.
Its made me think that perhaps you can be mildly autistic/aspergers without even knowing it. Does that make sense.

I continue to me amazed at the numbers of people admitting to shyness even in adulthood. I have always thought that solitary sports like cycling and mountaineering attracted more than their share of shy, or should I say less sociable people and this seems to prove it.

However I don't think you would get the same response if you went and asked on Veloriders, which I believe is run by an active road cycling club and seems to be populated by younger, more brash and self confident, competitive types than CC. Here: http://www.velorider...hpBB2/index.php

Do you self-proclaimed shy types realise that shyness is nearly always mistaken for standoffishness? How do you think this colours other people's view of you?

Thats why i said it isn't nice being this way sometimes. I can recognise when people (i assume) get bored quick, end a conversation with you and move on. I guess they're just not getting back what they would normally expect. I dont think it 'colours' peoples view of you in a bad way, they just realise they wont get a stimulating, endless conversation from you

 

[Globalti]

As I age I feel less inclined to waste time talking rubbish with people who haven't anything interesting to say. I guess that can be mistaken for standoffishness.

 

[tyred]

As I age I feel less inclined to waste time talking rubbish with people who haven't anything interesting to say. I guess that can be mistaken for standoffishness.

I find that as well. I sometimes suspect why I've never been good at conversations is that I won't/cannot do the "How's your mum these days? Did you see Eastenders last night?" type questions that forms the basis of most conversations as I am rarely interested in that sort of general chit chat.


On the subject of faces, I find it difficult to look people in the face. I've always been a keen photographer and even develop my own black and white film but if you look at the countless photographs and negatives I have around the house, you will rarely see a single person in any of them. If I go to some natural beauty spot with a camera to take a photo and find other people there, I will be cursing them upside down as I don't want people in my photos. I also hate having my own photo taken and will never look at the front of my drivers licence as I don't want to see my photo.

 

[Globalti]

I suspect that most people are more shy than they would admit but women have common subjects they can discuss to break the ice while men have..... FOOTBALL! Even the most tongue-tied male can open up and have a bit of footie banter with others. The small minority like me who don't have any interest in football lack that common ground and when you also don't follow rugby or cricket you're really in trouble. I notice it when I go to South Africa on business; many blokes will kick off a business meeting with a bit of banter about sport and if you're not into that scene the conversation can really falter.

 

[tyred]

True, football, rugby and the like have always bored me. I only like sports with engines.