Were you shy as a child?

[MossCommuter]

For what it's worth, I cannot abide over confidence in people.

nor me but I do find that they are the people who get on in life

 

[ColinJ]

For what it's worth, I cannot abide over confidence in people. I like people that can and do doubt or question themselves, have humility.

You only have to spend a few hours cycling on busy roads to see what over-confident drivers do!

... nor me but I do find that they are the people who get on in life

It always used to annoy me that lack of confidence held me back and I ended up being told what to do by over-confident people who made bad decisions!

 

[MossCommuter]

It always used to annoy me

used to? How did you get over it?

I need to

 

[ColinJ]

used to? How did you get over it?

I need to

I was always playing catch-up because I didn't graduate until I was 30. Most engineers of may age already had 9 years more experience.

As the years passed, I got more and more sidelined and ended up with people 15 years younger than me in charge and my skills not being up to the job. I was still a junior programmer at the age of 47!

I was maintaining old software while bright young things familiar with the latest technologies leap-frogged over me. It wasn't a good feeling. There was a lot of stress.

I got really depressed and felt like I was cracking up when my dad was dying, so one day I just stood up and walked out of the office; Game Over!

I'd come to hate working for other people so I had to find a way of working for myself. That is still Work in Progress and needs to come to fruition soon or I am going to be in real trouble, but at least now I don't feel that I'll die of a heart attack before I'm 60!

 

[potsy]

Bluddy 'ell Colin, shy was the last adjective I would apply to you!

Was thinking the same Globalti, I've gotten to know Colin a fair bit this year and hadn't realised until reading this thread.
I feel more comfortable in small groups of people, 3 or 4 maximum, once I am in a situation with more than that I can become very introverted, though it's easier if I have met the people before.
As for repeating stories, well with the amount of CC'ers you've met now it has to be difficult to remember which ones you've told and which you haven't, and I'm sure your stories are good enough to hear twice

You were talking quite a lot when we were together riding up the long hill on Saturday, I just took that as a sign of your growing fitness that you were able to keep a conversation going, I tend to be quiet on the hills as I need all my breath for cycling

 

[Bayerd]

Is it any surprise that so many internet forumers are shy?

I don't think I was ever shy as such, at least I never thought of myself that way. Introverted really, and remain so. I'm just not inclined to say very much (which is a bit of an obstacle to learning French!). In all seriousness, I have never really felt the compulsion to talk. I know this trait makes some people uneasy, particularly people that like to talk!, but I myself am quite relaxed about silences.

I'm happy in my own company and will waste hours just pondering stuff. I can resent the disruption to that self-exile that interaction with other people brings. Is that shy? I don't think so, I just see a hermit existence waiting for me!

I'm reminded of what a flatmate once said; in her opinion, beyond a certain age, shyness was just rude. We are all shy to some degree, was her argument, adults get over it and act socially. Harsh, but I can see where she was coming from. Keep in mind that this was the same flatmate that once dismissed all soul music as "niggers singing about sex". Not an attempt to derail the thread, but worthy repeating for it's sheer breathtaking insensitivity. Oddly, I suspect she was a very shy child. Perhaps she was over compensating.

This sums me up pretty well as well. I now use silences to my advantage in work situations. I work as a salesperson and quite often find out my better clues as to why people buy by shutting up and letting them rabbit when they get uncomfortable with the silence.

I think it was MrPaul posted about people in meetings having conversations to work things out whilst he just sits there and comes to the conclusion by thought. I do the same. I've been accused recently of deliberately not contributing in meetings as it's felt I should and have been labelled lazy whereas the truth is that I'm more likely to speak up if nobody else covers the points I think are worth raising. Plus the majority of the groups are women and it's damn hard to get a word in edgeways most of the time.

I can also sympathise with ColinJ about a lack of confidence. I have always suffered with this in a group situation, where I've ended up having to follow another course of action even though my gut feeling was telling me it was wrong. I've often found my instincts are very strong, but I can't always communicate reasoning quick enough to thwart those that open their mouths without thinking and get what turn out to be stupid ideas passed.

 

[Zippy]

Yep - me too

 

[yello]

I work as a salesperson and quite often find out my better clues as to why people buy by shutting up and letting them rabbit when they get uncomfortable with the silence.

That actually sounds as if it could be cruel. I hope your not quite as manipulative as that!

I'm not always quiet, I talk a lot with my wife for instance. Talking is an excellent way to tease out your own thinking on something. Sometimes, I'm not really sure how I feel/think about something until I try to put it into words. Sometimes, I let myself wibble just to see what I come out with; what truths it reveals!

I think that trying to solve everything in your head can have pitfalls.That is, you can lock yourself into a perspective and this can fixate your thinking down one particular line. It's only by stepping outside of you own head - most easily achieved by talking with someone imho - that you see other perspectives more clearly and so reveal other avenues of thought. Someone else might not really understand what your on about but they can none-the-less say something that jolts your thinking and makes you realise your barking up the wrong tree!

 

[goo_mason]

I've always been very shy but have this annoying habit of talking too much when in situations where I meet new folk.

Sounds just like me! It seems to be a perverse defense mechanism for overcoming the shyness - I can gabble on for hours to strangers. I think it's trying to avoid silences where I'd just sit and feel even more shy!!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I wasn't shy, but I didn't go into a pub by myself until I was about 25 .....and I have never left.

 

[Browser]

Possibly not shuy, but very low self-esteem, not helped by being the tallest kid in my year at primary and about 3rd talleast in my year at secondary, made me something of an ar5ehole magnet ("let's pick on the tall kid") and being a member of the church choir and having parent who listened exclusively to radio 4 tended to sideline me even further.
So why, may you ask, is my chief hobby amateur dramatics? answer, I always wanted to get up and perform, I just never found the medium until I had left school.
Now apparrently, according to Mrs Browser, I can be embarrassing in public. Personally I think the woman is rambling

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I think it was MrPaul posted about people in meetings having conversations to work things out whilst he just sits there and comes to the conclusion by thought. I do the same. I've been accused recently of deliberately not contributing in meetings as it's felt I should and have been labelled lazy whereas the truth is that I'm more likely to speak up if nobody else covers the points I think are worth raising. Plus the majority of the groups are women and it's damn hard to get a word in edgeways most of the time.

Oh yes, I just sit back, listen, and try to think of what to do/say. Also, I have worked in a predominantly female environment before and quite frankly, I hardly ever said a thing, I just sat and listened, partly becuase they could be absolutely hilarious without realising, but mostly because I wasn't quick enough normally to reply to anything. Oh and also my ears are crap, so I missed half of what was said.
I'd be used to say the blokey answer for things - if I could say it quickly enough that is, and having a stammer didn't help at all!(half of them thought I was some sort of idiot, and I only had 1 real friend when I was there).
Seriously, a bloke just listening to a bunch of woman gab can be both rather amusing AND educational!

Possibly not shuy, but very low self-esteem, not helped by being the tallest kid in my year at primary and about 3rd talleast in my year at secondary, made me something of an ar5ehole magnet ("let's pick on the tall kid")

Yes, being brain damaged as a baby, I was always the slow and dorky one at school. Being bullied right throughout school (always by the peanuts of the year - for some reason the smarter kids always seemed to respect me), it took me several years after leaving to have any sort of confidence at all, and even now, I have no confidence about certain situations, such as chatting people up (not helped by my stammer).

I genuinely never know what to say and can have little spontenaety in speech at times ...but get me onto something I know about and I can talk for days and days!!

Personally, I think I was supposed to be either mute or autistic, but something went horribly right.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I had a very bad stammer which isolated me from others because I was scared to speak because they would take the micky.

Yes, that sounds familiar, even now - mine seems to come and go, and normally I am ok these days, but it seems to suddenly appear quite randomly, regardless of the situation, which can be both annoying and downright debilitating.

I was really shy with other kids when I was a kid but I was fine with adults. That is very much an Aspergers thing though.

As I said in my previous post, I think I was meant to be either mute or autistic, but something went horribly right.
As a kid I would always prefer the company of adults, or, oddly enough, kids younger than myself. Even now, I am not good with people my own age. Conversely, it isn't so much that I am shy as such, it is just that I don't want to say and have a fear of being laughed at. To this end, I much prefer animals to people also.

Hate parties unless i know the majority of the people there, in general i tend to clam up if there's a big bunch of people, i much prefer conversations in small groups.

Yes, I am the guy who will just sit in the corner and listen. I like my own company, and even at the likes of the Rowing club, I prefer to be in the gym myself so that nobody can see me getting knackered and laugh at me, which oddly enough wouldn't happen anyway, because everyone is so friendly and understanding, and know that you are only trying to contribute something towards the club, unlike in a public gym where all the peanuts and posers and people who don't know how to use a an Ergo, (AKA a rowing machine) properly (and ultimately break them) go.

Yet i'm not bothered about approaching strangers and talking, but i do find it a struggle to drive a conversation along.

Yes, I always feel that I need to apologise for not being very talkative. This internet thing is certainly a real Godsend!

And yet, i love working abroad, taking to people i've rarely ever met, i seem to come out of myself in some situations.

I have always thought of it as being easier to do that because you have learned how to say things in a certain language and are merely applying them to a conversation and seeing if they work, almost with the detachment of an experiment.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Still fairly timid now at times, but it's all dependant upon the situation. I'll take foreign holidays alone without a worry happily using restaurants,bars and shops, but I can also go into a strange pub at home and feel very uneasy.

I go to the likes of London by myself a lot and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Also I can go into any pub, but if I don't like the look of the place once I am inside, all I do in is simply walk along the bar, looking at the beer pumps, and if they have nothing decent (I love real ale), I just walk out again - it is a sneaky way of gauging the situation/ambience of the place whilst genuinely seeing what they have to offer

Now I'm not really shy, but more reserved than I used to be (not necessarily a bad thing), and sometimes totally unsociable. I can also be quite introverted if I'm in a group of loud/attention seeking people - but at other times will just join in!

I describe myself as being antisocial, but alcobooze does lubricate the situation if in a group (possibly not the best wording but never mind).

What an interesting thread. I wasn't shy as a child in the sense that I was happy to talk and ask questions,

I would talk to random people, yes, but only certain types of people.

BUT as a very musical child I didn't like being made to 'perform' in front of family and friends

Yep, being made to sing and perform in front of the church congregation at certain times was agony!

What do you do as a job if you don't mind me asking by the way?

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Yep .... am the shy type. Was when i was a kid (result of bullying at school). Mum used to have to tell me to look people in the eye when i was talking to them, as it was (apparently) 'very rude' if i didn't. I can do it today, but only through practice. It's kinda become habit, rather than something i'd naturally do.

I had to be told to use eye contact as well. Even now, I don't really know what is too much and what is too little, so I just watch what other people do and copy it.

Hence i haven't joined a cycling club yet - i prefer going out on my own. The actual bike ridey bit of a cycle club doesn't phase me too much, its the social side of it that puts me off......

What I have found irritating in group cycles is when you are stuck in a group that is going too slowly for you, or they all want to stop and you want to continue. Cycling alone or with a couple of other like minded people solves this.

As a result of the above I tend to keep myself to myself, but conversely I also enjoy a bloody good night out on the bevvy occassionally . Depends very much on the company; I can't be bothered with the loud, cocky, must be centre of attention types.

Yes I love a drink, but in a nice quiet, pleasant pub please!
As for the brash company issue, well alchobooze does tend to dull it all somewhat.