True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was crestfallen that a key part of his "Make Middlesbrough Great For Once" campaign ran into problems this month.

"Taking control of the Bridgewater Canal is important to us" he said, waving his beige baseball cap, "even if the bloody thing has sprung a leak."

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the illegitimte son of Alexander Kingdom Brunel and Thora Hurd

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has also announced that he intends to rename The North Sea, it will become The Gulf of Middlesbrough, saying that it's beautiful, a beautiful name

 

[DRM]

And in further news, he has promised to rebuild Hadrians Wall, and forcibly deport all Scots back over the wall

 

[DRM]

In his latest announcement, President Rea, has stated, that he will take over the Leeds-Liverpool Canal, which was foolishly handed over to tourism, and taxes raised will help the nation, and he will invade the Faroe Islands, take them from Denmark & make them a new part of Teesside, in order to defend our Nation, MMBA!!! Make Middlesbrough Brilliant Again!

 

[Drago]

In honour of his dear friend Trumpy, President Chris Rea has ordered NOAA to rename hurricanes as "Stormy's".

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea invented Bitcoin, when the Turdis AI burped out an equation, during a game of Etch a Sketch.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used the TURDIS to nip back in time.

It's unclear exactly what mischief he got up to, but the famous waterway is now known as the Panama Cigar.

Even stranger, it's eastern hemisphere counterpart is now the Suez Anal.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea used the TURDIS to nip back in time.

It's unclear exactly what mischief he got up to, but the famous waterway is now known as the Panama Cigar.

Even stranger, it's eastern hemisphere counterpart is now the Suez Anal.

Did he take his stencil set & an aerosol paint can I wonder?

 

[Drago]

In 1962 Nelson Mandela was walking home from his job helping old ladies across the road when a low pass from Chris Rea in the TURDIS triggered an explosion in a nearby railway yard. The police arrived and as Mandela was the only person about he was arrested and thrown in jail on Robin Hood island where he was forced to dress ad Maid Marian for 27 years.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has always modelled himself on Eric Sykes.

 

[Drago]

Then only car large enough to transport The TURDIS is a Volvo 240 estate. Chris Rea pretends it's an antique grandfather clock if anyone asks.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea teaches classes in flower arranging at his local WI. They are always very well attended.

 

[Drago]

Donald Trump has today signed an executive oder making Chris Rea an honourary Colonel in the Space Force, and mandating Chris Rea style beards for all ranks from Sergeant upwards. Lower ranks will keep the traditional goatee beard, particularly the women.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea materialised at the Trump inaugaration as Elon Musk took the stage, wearing his special invisibility suit, he chased Elon round the stage with an invisible Ken Dodd tickling stick, then kept tickling him to put Elon off his speech, then gave Elon a jab in the ribs forcing him to do a 1930's/1940's special German wave to the audience, he then went home feeling very pleased with himself