True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Shergar was not kidnapped as many believe.

While the TURDIS was low on fuel one day Chris Rea performed a slingshot manoeuvre in order to conserve energy.

As the craft flew low over Ireland inn1981 the poor racehorse became entangled in the Auberge Field and was dragged along with the craft, only the be dropped over a Tesco meat packaging plant as it decellerated through 2013.

So Chris Rea is not only repsonsible for the disappearance of Shergar, but he also caused the greet Tesco horsemeat scandal.

 

[Dogtrousers]

As is often the case, Chris Rea did not consider the potential consequences of his actions. Some of his trained harmonica-playing squirrels escaped and the trait spread and became endemic in the local squirrel population.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Shergar was not kidnapped as many believe.

While the TURDIS was low on fuel one day Chris Rea performed a slingshot manoeuvre in order to conserve energy.

As the craft flew low over Ireland inn1981 the poor racehorse became entangled in the Auberge Field and was dragged along with the craft, only the be dropped over a Tesco meat packaging plant as it decellerated through 2013.

So Chris Rea is not only repsonsible for the disappearance of Shergar, but he also caused the greet Tesco horsemeat scandal.

He has always denied this

In the early 80s Chris Rea borrowed a horse from his friend the Aga Khan for a quick ride.

To this day Chris swears that he returned Shergar in good condition and anything that happened to the horse afterwards is nothing to do with him.

 

[craigwend]

With the potential demise of TikTok Chris Rea (c) is to launch his rival short form video platform app, CikRok...

Once this established he is also set to launch a rival to X / Bluethingy and TruthSocial, 'The Absolute True Facts Quite Social'...

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is about to launch his own social media app.

"Rea", soon to be shortened to just "R", will be a platform for bearded plutocrats of a politically Whig leaning.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris has got the gig playing at King Charles (1st) coronation after impressing him with “Dancing my Blues away”.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's first job from school was as a toast rack for the Queen Mother.

The this day the sight of a buttered slice of Warburton's makes his buttocks feel as if they're burning.

 

[grldtnr]

As is often the case, Chris Rea did not consider the potential consequences of his actions. Some of his trained harmonica-playing squirrels escaped and the trait spread and became endemic in the local squirrel population.

The local zombie squirrels in Belfairs woods, are quite adept on the 'Blues Harp'…

 

[Drago]

Puzzled scientists are still scratching their heads about trades of Auberge Radiation detected in the debris from Lord Mountbatten's boat. Chris Rea swears blind he was in 1941 at the time and claims to have the ration books to prove it.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is about to launch his own social media app.

"Rea", soon to be shortened to just "R", will be a platform for bearded plutocrats of a politically Whig leaning.

Rumours continue to circulate about when Chris Rea will unveil his much awaited electric car to the market. It's understood that there are teething problems as it's based on a Scalextric design, and Chris hasn't quite sorted out the slots-in-roads infrastructure yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Meanwhile his space business Space-R is also giving rise to speculation. His local newsagent and tobacconist reported "Yes, Chris came in here just after bonfire night and bought up several boxes of Brock's fireworks that we hadn't sold, and all the sparklers we had left. I think he's planning something big. Something very big."

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's Boring Company got off to a bad start. It really was boring and no one bought a ticket as a result.

He's pinning his hopes on his new Neurabeardlink enterprise to recoup the losses.

 

[Dogtrousers]

In other news, Chris Rea has laid claim to the Isle of Wight. "I need it. I must have it." he told a reporter from the Redcar Advertiser.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is planning to buy the Panama Canal and sell it to Donald Trump at a big mark up.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has already bought Greenland, he mistook it for Iceland, but he realised that Trump may well want to take it over, so set to make a big profit

 

[grldtnr]

Chris is an avid fan of Wylie E Coyote, and thinks he has found a way to catch the Road runner........ cue the song......

Fools never learn, nor will Chris, but I feel safe that there will be countless hours of entertainment, watching the Coyote fail in numerous amusing ways,always with that look of resignation of the inevitable