True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Some say Chris Rea sleeps hanging from rafters, or in caves, if he sleeps at all, he is a 2nd cousin of Nosferatu seven times removed, and rarely arises before the sun has set, rumours are he is undead.......but in reality it's because he is really old....

 

[craigwend]

During the present 'cold snap' Chris Rea has changed his name to 'Rash Icer'...

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea always gets Chris Rea and Ray Reardon confused.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

This currently cold snap is because Chris Rea went to visit the ice age and left the doors open. To get warm again he went back 3 billion years to see volcanoes forming Earth's crust. On the way back he visited his mate Billy Crystal in Los Angeles, but again left the Turdis doors open.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea always gets Chris Rea and Ray Reardon confused.

"If you can't see the pink, it's next to the green".
Sadly this is no help to Chris Rea, as auberge radiation has left him with serious colour blindness.

 

[Drago]

The reason the people of Corby speak with an accent is not actually because they're Scottish. Its because it's the largest concentration of Chris Rea fans outside of Middlesbrough and they've all ruined their vocal chords trying to sing like their idol.

 

[Dogtrousers]

The reason the people of Corby speak with n accent is not actually because they're Scottish. Its because it's the largest concentration of Chris Rea fans outside of Middlesbrough and they've all ruined their vocal chords trying to sing like their idol.

I worked in Corby for a while. This is true.

 

[lazybloke]

Always an electronics geek at heart, Chris Rea was on his way home from a music company meeting when he popped into RS Components for some supplies.
Once home, he changed into more comfortable clothes and a labcoat, and popped his smart trousers into his Corby Press; where the unlikely combination of nylon, thermal energy, plus the flux and capacitors he'd left in a pocket, combined serendipitously to trigger what many theoretical phyisicists thought impossible; a stable auberge wormhole.
In the three seconds it took him to leap for the plug and remove power, the wormhole had sent his trousers to an unknown point of time and space within the multiverse, along with half his bedroom furniture and the pet cat.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea plans to retire to Corby. "It's such a romantic place" he says dreamily "populated by zombies who talk funny. And the industrial estate" he pauses emotionally "... the industrial estate has an RS Components distribution centre and it used to have a smelly animal food plant but I think they've knocked that down. I'd love to settle down there. I could eat in the Subway next to Asda mmm"

 

[Drago]

Corby is the largest town without city designation in the UK thetndoes not have a railway station, but it was not always thus.

The locals, with with their voices ruined trying to impersonate Chris Rea, used to struggle to be understood at the ticket office and always ended up with a "firsh class returb to dottinghab" regardless of where they wanted to go.

Thus the customers stopped going and the station closed, and Chris Rea uses the site to store his Deltic.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Corby is the largest town without city designation in the UK thetndoes not have a railway station, but it was not always thus.

The locals, with with their voices ruined trying to impersonate Chris Rea, used to struggle to be understood at the ticket office and always ended up with a "firsh class returb to dottinghab" regardless of where they wanted to go.

Thus the customers stopped going and the station closed, and Chris Rea uses the site to store his Deltic.

Corby does have a railway station. It's fairly new.

 

[Drago]

Corby does have a railway station. It's fairly new.

Ah, that's another Chris Rea intervention.

It's actually a fully working 1:1 model railway layout upon which Chris Rea can drive his Deltic. Rod Stewart helped build it and works in the ticket office, although he's on his final written warning for continuously nipping out to fill potholes.

 

[grldtnr]

Will this Deltic ever replace the Porta potty or Time Transit ?
Hook up a couple of carriages, and Chris could offer time travel holiday excursions, first class of course complete with original BR buffet comestibles, I'd think I'd avoid the pork pies tho'.

 

[grldtnr]

Rumours are he will only run trips to Dottinghab, if he can get around the heritage rail speed restrictions, 25
Mph is nowhere fast enough to engage Flux capacitors to excite the Auberge field drive

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea is the man behind all the knitted post box toppers.

As he such a philanthropist though he has an army of little old ladies up and down the country who he passes them to so that they can take the credit.