True Facts About Chris Rea

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea has sold a version of his TURDIS to Penny Lancaster for a "significant sum of money".
Her "time travelling armoire" sounds posh, but in keeping with Essex chic it actually looks like an MFI wardrobe, complete with chipboard carcass and melamine veneer.

This came about because Penny was frustrated by Rod's inability to perform. Unwilling to forsake her wedding vows, Penny uses her armoire to visit Rod in his youth for special "date nights". Of course, this spawned the song "Maggie May".

 

[Drago]

Zac Effron was due to play Chris Rea in the new biopic film of the gravel voiced warblers life, but Steven Spielberg withdrew the offer when he discovered Effron cannot grow a beard.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Zac Effron was due to play Chris Rea in the new biopic film of the gravel voiced warblers life, but Steven Spielberg withdrew the offer when he discovered Effron cannot grow a beard.

As Chris has always maintained "it has to be Brian Blessed or else it's no-one".

 

[Drago]

As Chris has always maintained "it has to be Brian Blessed or else it's no-one".

Post of the day right there!

 

[Ming the Merciless]

cloaked TURDIS at high speed through Police speed traps

If the speed traps can detect his cloaked Turdis, he needs to buy the Cloak V11 upgrade. Hopefully his Turdis hardware supports it.

 

[Drago]

The vortex from the Auberge Field of Chris Rea's TURDIS is responsive for Russell Brand's dishevelled appearance.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Russell Brand is the estranged love child of Chris Rea and Katy Brand. Before you all say she’s too young to be his mother, time travel preganacies are complicated.

 

[lazybloke]

Russell Brand is the estranged love child of Chris Rea and Katy Brand. Before you all say she’s too young to be his mother, time travel preganacies are complicated.

It's the 3rd trimester preceding the 1st that caused confusion during those NCT classes

 

[Drago]

It's timester.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris has installed a Universal translator in the Turdis, which translates other languages into Geordie. It can translate from any era after 4,000 BC, but still can’t translate Glaswegian.

 

[grldtnr]

Is Glaswegian a language tho?

 

[DRM]

Is Glaswegian a language tho?

It has it’s roots in the various Neanderthal grunts from 40,000 years ago and older

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c4gzgv8g1dxo
In order to deflect attention from his releasing 2 Lynx in the Scottish Highlands, Chris Rea used the Time Transit to assist in capturing them again, armed with cries of here kitty, kitty, several bags of Dreamies and a selection of plant pots with catnip, he successfully lured them into the back of the Time Transit, before dropping them off at the Highland Wildlife Park for a spot of R&R, once again he gets away with it by the skin of his teeth

 

[grldtnr]

It has it’s roots in the various Neanderthal grunts from 40,000 years ago and older

I tried very hard to watch Rab C Nesbitt, on the telly, even the subtitles were in Glaswegian grunts , delivered in staccato rhythms of a glock machine pistol, just as hard to read...

Chris Rea's tyne side brogue is much easier to understand

 

[lazybloke]

I tried very hard to watch Rab C Nesbitt, on the telly, even the subtitles were in Glaswegian grunts , delivered in staccato rhythms of a glock machine pistol, just as hard to read...

Chris Rea's tyne side brogue is much easier to understand

I know this is childish, but I just want to say the best brogues are from Kettering.