Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chris is on the radio singing about driving home for Christmas. Guess he’s got it fixed. Knew there was reason for the storm as he’s fixed it with parts from the Turdis
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
I was watching an episode of Storage Wars and something weird happened. They broke open a storage unit and saw inside an angry old bloke with a goatee beard sitting on a toilet who I thought I recognised. They just slammed shut the container door and moved on with no explanation given.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
In Star Wars the original interior shots aboard the Millenium Falcon were filmed on location inside Chris Rea's home studio.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
On hundreds of occasions throughout history witnesses have glimpsed Chris Rea as he slides discreetly out of the TURDIS when he think no one is looking.
Of course these primitive witnesses have no knowledge of Auberge Physics and most presumed the TURDIS was a cupboard or wardrobe, and this gave rise to the term coming out the closet.
Of course these primitive witnesses have no knowledge of Auberge Physics and most presumed the TURDIS was a cupboard or wardrobe, and this gave rise to the term coming out the closet.
grldtnr
Über Member
Are you saying , that Chris Rea is a friend of Dorothy.
, and is longing to click his ruby red slippers and join her on her journey along the Yellow brick rd.........
🎶 We're off to see the wizard ,the wonderful wizard of Oz🎶
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea had arranged to see a solicitor with a view to suing the creator of this thread.
However, he didn't want to pay so arm wrestled the solicitor and lost. The legal chap refused "best of three" and Rea stormed off in a huff.
However, he didn't want to pay so arm wrestled the solicitor and lost. The legal chap refused "best of three" and Rea stormed off in a huff.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's new single is released today.
Driving Rain at Home All Christmas is expected to be a Christmas number 1.
Driving Rain at Home All Christmas is expected to be a Christmas number 1.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.ndtv.com/feature/ufos-d...-footage-of-mysterious-objects-in-sky-6334450
Chris Rea has recently being shopping in Saudi Arabia, to get himself a pet camel for Xmas, in order to cheer himself up after spending a small fortune in order to get his car MOT done, so he can drive home for Xmas, once again the Turdis Auberge field went haywire, causing it to fly in an erratic manner before disappearing off to the Teesport Time Travel Megabase, the pilots who saw the lights dancing in the sky said it was not detectable on radar, probably due it it being a portable plastic loo
Chris Rea has recently being shopping in Saudi Arabia, to get himself a pet camel for Xmas, in order to cheer himself up after spending a small fortune in order to get his car MOT done, so he can drive home for Xmas, once again the Turdis Auberge field went haywire, causing it to fly in an erratic manner before disappearing off to the Teesport Time Travel Megabase, the pilots who saw the lights dancing in the sky said it was not detectable on radar, probably due it it being a portable plastic loo
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OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
A few days ago in New York Chris Rea activated the TURDIS claoking device and went for take off, but the ship was so overloaded with Christmas presents it didn't gain altitude as expected.
A lower ccorner of the craft smacked a senior insurance industry exec in the head as he was leaving the hotel and accidentally killed the poor fellow.
As the TURDIS was cloaked and was backfiring witnesses presumed the chap had been shot by a passing Just Eat delivery rider.
A lower ccorner of the craft smacked a senior insurance industry exec in the head as he was leaving the hotel and accidentally killed the poor fellow.
As the TURDIS was cloaked and was backfiring witnesses presumed the chap had been shot by a passing Just Eat delivery rider.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
More detail has come to light regarding Chris Rea’s recent visit to Saudi Arabia to purchase a camel, after practicing riding the beast by nipping down to Aldi on Longlands Road, Middlesbrough, for his shopping , he quickly became an accomplished camel rider, even triggering speed cameras, he managed to connect a horse box to the Time Transit, coax the camel inside, then went back to the desert just outside Bethlehem where he met 2 wise men, who were on their way to visit a new born baby, on a camel packing trip, the 2 wise men said Chris could join them, but he needed to take a gift to the baby, so he quickly found something in the Time Transit, and off they went, on arrival at a stable the 3 men went inside, kneeling before the manager that the child was laid in, the first wise man offered a gift of Frankincense, the second wise man a gift of myrrh, when it was Chris Rea’s turn, he offered gold, well a framed gold disc of “The Very Best Of Chris Rea” he told the babies bemused parents, Mary & Joseph look after that, when the bairn’s older it’ll be worth a canny amount, and then he performed a quick rendition of “Driving Home For Christmas” before he left for home, this bit was altered slightly in the story of the nativity, as it was thought to be just too far fetched
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's TURDIS recently blew an Auberge Field gasket on a recent flight across Syria, with predicable consequences.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
In the late 80s, when he was undoubtedly the most famous and most successful rock star in the world, Chris Rea took a trip back to the 1930s where he met Igor Sikorsky who was working on a new type of aeroplane called a helicopter. Chris knew that, as helicopters didn't exist, Sikorsky's efforts were doomed to failure. So he mocked him mercilessly and even sang a ditty to him: "Fool if you think it'll hover".
When he returned to his own time Chris was dismayed to find that helicopters did exist. His mocking had resolved Sikorsky to work harder to succeed. What was worse was the fact that, due to the chaotic nature of space-time, he was no longer the most famous and successful rock star in the world. He was just a bloke who'd made a few moderately well known but forgettable records and hardly anyone knew who he was.
Chris made several repeat visits to the 1930s desperately attempting to undo his handiwork but each time he returned there were more helicopters and he was a bit more obscure, so eventually he gave up and resigned himself to hearing people say "I think I've heard that song before but I've got no idea who did it"
When he returned to his own time Chris was dismayed to find that helicopters did exist. His mocking had resolved Sikorsky to work harder to succeed. What was worse was the fact that, due to the chaotic nature of space-time, he was no longer the most famous and successful rock star in the world. He was just a bloke who'd made a few moderately well known but forgettable records and hardly anyone knew who he was.
Chris made several repeat visits to the 1930s desperately attempting to undo his handiwork but each time he returned there were more helicopters and he was a bit more obscure, so eventually he gave up and resigned himself to hearing people say "I think I've heard that song before but I've got no idea who did it"
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Donald Trump has appointed Chris Rea Secretary for Extra Marital Affairs in his new government.
Rea always had faith in a Trump comeback. You'd be a fool if you think MAGA is over.
Rea always had faith in a Trump comeback. You'd be a fool if you think MAGA is over.
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