True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea, recently returning after a boozy night out with Richard Harris, lost control of the TURDIS, which became wedged innthe Suez Canal, completely blocking it for a week. For national security reasons the blame was placed on a passing freighter.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea once bragged that he had the largest collection of Bazooka Joe wrappers in the North East, but had to back down humiliatingly when local writer Catherine Cookson called him out and told him to "Put up or shut up"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has a wonderful party trick. He can play the harmonica with his arriss.

 

[lazybloke]

Now, I have this theory is Chris well,?

We haven't heard anything from his omnipotence to criticise us plebs on 'dissing' him ,publishing unverifiable 'True' facts, perhaps 'Lazybloke' cocked up on a ritual that as chief priest of the cult of Rea, he can only perform behind the locked doors of the TURDIS, he was calling up the spirit of Clair Sweeney to ex cise a particularly peculiar ritual, and got Clare Balding instead, , seeing as Ms.Balding bats for the other side, the ritual had gone Pear shaped, and now his omnipotence Chris Rea is languishing in the ethers, unable to unleash his fury on us , his deciples.

What say you ,High Priest 'Lazy bloke' did you cause such a commotion, admittedly it's to protect us from our masters wrath?

If you're not privy to the higher rituals of the order, you won't get any details here.


But do not doubt the healthy wholesomeness of the Rea and the luxuriousness of his hallowed beard, or your penance will be severe.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea has a wonderful party trick. He can play the harmonica with his arriss.

It comes out with a Geordie Arsent

 

[Drago]

The people of Alabama worship Chris Rea as a God.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has a wonderful party trick. He can play the harmonica with his arriss.

Never a 'Bum: note I bet!

 

[grldtnr]

If you're not privy to the higher rituals of the order, you won't get any details here.


But do not doubt the healthy wholesomeness of the Rea and the luxuriousness of his hallowed beard, or your penance will be severe.

Banashied to the Accy Cyclist threads, a threat enough indeed,
High Munificence. I am unworthy, I am in worthy, I am unworthy!

 

[DRM]

Word has it that Chris Rea has been given the job of presenting a new version of Crackerjack, he's been rehearsing like mad the opening line, It's Friday, It's Five to Five, It's Crackerjack!!! so much so that when he went to the horse races at the Epsom Derby in 1913 to place a bet, he was still shouting it as The Turdis door opened, this scared and startled a woman called Emily Davison so much she ran in front of the kings horse and sadly died, quick as a flash Chris started shouting about Bloody Suffragettes ruining everything, the newspapers picked up on this and ran with it, ensuring that once again, Chris Rea got away with it

 

[Ming the Merciless]

The year was 2042. One night, under a full moon, a peculiar hum echoed from the Turdis. Chris stepped out the door with his guitar, onto the Lunar surface.

Chris, began to play. His music, a blend of blues and rock, filled the silent lunar expanse. The notes seemed to dance with the moonbeams, echoing through the vacuum.

As he played, strange things began to happen. Lunar dust swirled around him, forming ethereal shapes. The moon's surface pulsed with a soft, otherworldly glow. Creatures, half-human, half-lunar, emerged from the shadows, drawn by the music. They moved with grace, their forms shifting and changing.

Chris, unfazed, continued to play. He had encountered strange beings before, but never quite like these. They were peaceful, their eyes filled with wonder. As the music reached its crescendo, the creatures began to dance, their movements mirroring the rhythm of the song.

This was to become the first of his legendary dates of his Full Moon Tour.

 

[grldtnr]

The year was 2042. One night, under a full moon, a peculiar hum echoed from the Turdis. Chris stepped out the door with his guitar, onto the Lunar surface.

Chris, began to play. His music, a blend of blues and rock, filled the silent lunar expanse. The notes seemed to dance with the moonbeams, echoing through the vacuum.

As he played, strange things began to happen. Lunar dust swirled around him, forming ethereal shapes. The moon's surface pulsed with a soft, otherworldly glow. Creatures, half-human, half-lunar, emerged from the shadows, drawn by the music. They moved with grace, their forms shifting and changing.

Chris, unfazed, continued to play. He had encountered strange beings before, but never quite like these. They were peaceful, their eyes filled with wonder. As the music reached its crescendo, the creatures began to dance, their movements mirroring the rhythm of the song.

This was to become the first of his legendary dates of his Full Moon Tour.

As Jim Royale might say 'My arse!' thems the Clangers,, they were attracted by the melodious sound ,thinking it was some form of magical string pudding .

 

[grldtnr]

Here's an idea, four musical lads have a fun time gigging around, they get mass hysteria and have merry larks avoiding it all.
One day one of the group gets sent a mystical Ring , now this little fellow does enjoy a bit of bling, so puts it on and wears it.
Unknown to him, he didn't know it's true purpose,it's a sacrificial ring, whoever wears it has 24 hrs to live, and will be sacrificed to the great Khali ,by some Indian sect that has a intense following by one of the four, who has a great belief in Eastern religions.
This one with the ring does wonder what is going on, but he realises bits gratefully for playing slide guitar and wars a beard.

Do you think this idea has legs, does Chris Rea the ability to sing about Octopuses doing gardening , romping about in a Yellow Submarine?
Do you reckon this idea has legs ,if I can get the backing?

 

[grldtnr]

Despite all his superpowers and time travelling, Chris still can't pick the lottery numbers right , how ever hard he tries !

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's first job was as a red coat at Butlins. The doats were red because his magic show involved sawing a person in half, and he didn't always get it right,

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea originally built the Turdis as a way of avoiding paying the toll for the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge.