True Facts About Chris Rea

[Gwylan]

L


I took, was once a cyclist without a chain, but feeling left out of the chain lubrication threads, asked the mighty Chris Rea for advice. "Buy a Bicycle with a chain" was the advice from Chris Rea.

Chain lubrication is like trying to teach ducks to tango. Starts well but never really gets there

 

[Dogtrousers]

When interviewed by the popular award winning podcast "Celebs and their Search Engines" Chris Rea said that he thought Bing was rubbish.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is a big supporter of active travel, and ensures his PA and office staff jog behind his stretch limo when going to meetings.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea represented Great Britain in swimming at the 1978 Montreal Olympic Games . He narrowly missed out on the 100m breast stroke bronze medal.

 

[Grant Fondo]

Dana received a life sentence in 1972 for planning the abduction and murder of Chris Rea after the acrimonious split of the duo in April 1970.
Just before the 1970 Eurovision Song Contest, Chris had changed Dana's original lyric from " The Anti-Christ In Hell Reminds Me Of You", without her prior knowledge.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea sold his soul to the devil in return for a number 1 hit, thus the aptly named Road to Hell was created.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea was due to play the part of the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves, but he refused to shave his goatee and wear a stunt beard so the part went to Alan Rickman.

In a curious incident several decades ago, Chris Rea sustained a bang to head whilst falling out of a competitive swimmer; he has suffered from Alopecia Totalis ever since. For years, it was an open secret in the industry that all of his royalties went on a compulsive shopping obsession for premium hairpieces.

Eventually Rea assembled a global team of fashion designers, briefing them to develop the finest prosthetic beard of all time; money no object.
After 7 person-years of development and countless prototypes, the beard was complete. It was truly magnificent and would surely outshine all other beards; making hairless men feel inadequate for life. Chris was going to set new global tends for male grooming.
Chris could not wait to unveil it, and planned to wear it for the first time at his O2 Apollo appearance in 2014.


Finally the day arrived. It was so momentous! He was jittery and giggly with excitement!
And so nevous, waiting for the delivery. He had to pre-load with much shandy to keep his nerves under cointrol.


And then....
Make-up artist: "It's arrived!"
Rea: "I don't have my contact lenses in; tell me, does it look special?"
Make-up artist: "It is. <pause>... it is unique!"
Rea: "Will it make headlines around the world?"
Make-up artist: "It will, sir, undoubtedly"
Rea: "Glue it on and glow me up! This'll be a night I'll never forget!"

The make-up artist did what he could, which in many ways was quite creative. But what he didn't do was reveal to Rea that the courier company (then known as "Herpes") had screwed up and send the wrong thing.
None-the-wiser, Rea went out onto stage and stepped into the spotlight wearing a bright ginger merkin on his chin. History was made.




The resulting ridicule in the word's press continued for days. Rea fled to Ireland and has never performed since. He is believed to be living in County Donegal near the town of Muff, where he lives alone except for the company of his pet Sphynx cats. He shuns human contact and spends his days watching Kojak reruns.

 

[Seevio]

Chris Rea breeds racing wombats.

 

[Hover Fly]

I have no idea who Chris Rea is.

 

[Dogtrousers]

I have no idea who Chris Rea is.

We are here to help. Read this thread and you will be able to enter Mastermind

Magnus Magnusson (or whoever it is these days).
Name?
HF: @Hover Fly
MM: Specialist subject?
HF: Chris Rea
MM: Your time starts .... Now! What is the source of Chris Rea's superpower?
HF: Radioactive underpants
MM: Correct!

And so on.

 

[Grant Fondo]

I have no idea who Chris Rea is.

we have the winner right there!

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea has no idea who @Hover Fly is.

 

[Bazzer]

Chris Rea was the co pilot on the flight which brought the late queen from Edinburgh to London. He then formed part of the guard of honour as HMQ travelled to her final resting place in Wells Cathedral.

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea is on the station at Bingley, waiting for a train to Bongley.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has more medals than disgraced ex chief constable Nick Adderley.