True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Between Feb 28th and April 19 th,1993, Chris was at the Waco siege, but not being a Davidon branch sect member, he saw sense in creating his own cult, knowing the authorities were about to end the siege, he gathered up what ever weapons and other illicit substances , loaded the TURDIS and got the feck out of there.
Ever since Redcar has been a hotbed of illegal rhubarb & custard scented vapes, Using forced rhubarb grown in the West Yorkshire rhubarb triangle, he was going to market it as dairylea cheese triangles, but had to settle for 'laughing cow ' instead, Kraft dairy foods were going to get heavy, and threated to burn him out,
That's when he flipped the switch in the TURDIS, and then the Waco compound spontaneously erupted in flames

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's visit to the Sumatra area in 1883 did not end well. Desperate for a wee he landed on Krakatoa, where he pointed Percy.

Upon leaving Rea discovered the TURDIS was stuck on some rocks and had to turn the Auberge Field to maximum to achieve lift off, with predictably explosive results.

Once things had died down Rea nipped back and moved Krakatoa to a new location West of Java, just to annoy film director Bernard Kowalski.

 

[stephec]

2 pages short of 101, we're nearly there!
We can lock it up and throw away the key, with or without our Cult leader ,the beared one!

No way, in fact -

Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, ‘This was their finest thread.'

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was the one who made fashionable the old colonial uniform of pith helmet and shorts.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea was the one who made fashionable the old colonial uniform of pith helmet and shorts.

In some forays in the Turdis he has been known to wear a Pith Helmet & KD’s

 

[DRM]

on Saturday February 1st the Turdis was returning back to Chris Rea’s time travel mega base, believed to located in a disused warehouse on Teesport, when a strange stubby aircraft appeared out of nowhere, as Chris swerved to avoid this badly flown thing, the sudden surge of power caused the auberge field to backfire, this caused what turned out to be the Space Shuttle Columbia to explode over parts of Texas and Louisiana, Chris immediately tapped into NASA’s computers leaving a trail of documents about a faulty gasket, this quick thinking once again got him out of a lot of trouble, and explanations

 

[DRM]

1814, August 24th, Chris Rea travelled back to see some battles in the American Revolutionary War, on that fateful night once again the Turdis backfired multiple times, bouncing it all around Washington DC, the flames and sparks set fire to the Presidential Mansion, United States Capitol, and Washington Navy Yard, the British military were happy to say they were the cause, but sadly were unable to keep hold of the land gained, Chris was most upset as he wanted to land and suggest that Washington DC be renamed New Middlesbrough with New Redcar to the southeast on the coast

 

[DRM]

1993, Ensenada Mexico, Chris Rea took the Turdis to Fender’s Mexican guitar factory, with a view to grabbing a bargain or two for an upcoming tour, sadly once again the Turdis did what it did best, backfired and burnt the factory to the ground, in the Meantime Fender decided to make the necks and bodies in their US Facility in Corona California, where it’s acknowledged that these components are extremely well made, then sent them down to Mexico for finishing, ever an eye for a bargain, Chris went back to his time travel megabase and returned with the Time Transit several times which he filled with guitars, purchased from the staff sales shop, these instruments have now got a reputation for being far superior to their actual cost, some believe they are as good as some top end made in America instruments, with a few subtle improvements really punch above their price point, Chris was wise enough to hang on to them, and every so often he puts one up for sale on EBay, or Reverb where they command high prices, and give Chris a huge profit margin

 

[lazybloke]

Jealous of Jean Michel-Jarre's laser harp, Chris Rea invented the nuclear plectrum.
Whilst the roadies were setting up a Sheffield concert, a supercritical event occurred and wiped the city off the face of the map. Oops.

Fortunately Rea escaped the blast, and quickly used his Turdis to pop back in time to sort things out.
In the pub a few nights later after too many pints of Stones, Rea regaled his mate Barry Hines with the story; inspiring an early draft of the screenplay for "Threads".

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was such a huge admirer of Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells that he was inspired to create his own instrumental album.

Dodecahedral Cymbals was not a huge seller.

 

[raleighnut]

Who will be the one to get first post on p101 the great man himself ?

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea leads a double life. When he has finished touring as Chris Rea he removes his prosthetic beard and takes on the persona of Bruce Springsteen.

 

[grldtnr]

Who will be the one to get first post on p101 the great man himself ?

Probably, he will then issue court proceedings in a multiple claim for defamation of 'good' character,,..........unless which we have written is TRUE?, then he won't have a leg to kick his own butt, as he is a unapod, a one legged man at an arse kicking contest.

 

[Drago]

Christ Rea, ever the military history buff, used the TURDIS to go back to 1991 and watch the first Gulf War.

As he left the unregulated Auberge Field ignited a load of Kuwaiti oil wells. The CIA knew there would be mass panic if talk of a pyromaniac UFO were made public so they blamed it on the retreating Iraqi forces.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is a musician from the North East of England who plays in a bluesy style and has a somewhat gravelly voice.

Believe it or not.