Tour De France - notre Equipe

[Noodley]

Pot Noodle the ball is in your court.

Team, sad news. We have a traitor among us. Not content with complaining about Arch's knitted kit (from finest Shetland Pony I'll have you know, none of this foreign Merino muck) I have just discovered mondo-le-bongo conspiring with a bunch of froggies. It would appear he has been in league with them through the race He has been selling information re our tactics as wel as "loaning out" the key to our bike shed so that the mechanics from other teams can nobble our bikes - I knew we had good mechanics, so could not work out what was going on...but now I know! So bongo-le-mongo, you are OUT! Bugger off to your ruskie drug cheat team...you'll soon find out the grass ain't greener, etc (most especially as I have influence beyond your imaginings )

And speaking of my influence, I have managed to allow a replacement for the turncoat. So, I have decided we need fresh blood, someone who has shown 110% effort in all things so far. So tomorrow we line up with wee Joe.
He's our man for the Alps, what with his new found knowledge of how to ride hills if it's a bit wet

Welcome on board wee Joe (and at least you'll now have an excuse for scatching your nether regions when yer mum asks )

 

[Joe24]

Thank you Noodley. I take it i can take bits off my bike which i dont think are needed?
Ok you rest, i want you be ready to attack and put some effort in, both before and after the cafe stop.
Can we have mudguards aswell if it is still raining, it gets awfully wet whn riding for long hours.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

F**k me what a rest day that was! How Walker will ever rid himself of that smell I'll never know. I'm only just coming to now; Voigt told me there was a cat 1 yesterday. Jeezo that must have been where I spotted the legions of winged monkeys beckoning me to follow them to Atlantis for a cheese festival with the fish people. Dasvidanya (?) to Monders, more of Goat's good stuff for the rest of us!

My tan is coming along nicely but these puncture wounds are itchy. Have picked up a bit of French along the way from the other teams. I don't trust Yenrod's French as it usually results in him getting a slap when he uses it. Keith is now somewhere in the top ten and Dave is in the top 20 - which he's gutted about as Noodleton-Smythe keeps trying to motivate him.

Keith was furious this morning when "for a larf" Spandex curled one off in one of his cycling shoes. Stinking. He must have been eating cow pats or something.

 

[Noodley]

...just keep in there.

Any doubt that I am indeed THE supreme DS must now be cast aside!

I promise you all there will be reward for your efforts...we may be the only team to escape suspicion.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I've just heard a rumour that two of our riders have tested positive for tranquillisers. Is it true?

 

[TheDoctor]

I've just heard a rumour that two of our riders have tested positive for tranquillisers. Is it true?

And most of the rest of us are on hallucinogenics and / or Tea.

 

[Noodley]

I've just heard a rumour that two of our riders have tested positive for tranquillisers. Is it true?

No, don't be so silly. We are a naturally tranquil team.

I put it down to strong leadership.

 

[Speicher]

No, don't be so silly. We are a naturally tranquil team.

I put it down to strong leadership.

I think you mean strong leader's hip - from the way you booted some backsides yesterday.

 

[Smokin Joe]

I think you mean strong leader's hip - from the way you booted some backsides yesterday.

You saucy thing Speicher, I love it when you talk dirty

 

[Speicher]

Excuse me, Smoky Joe, I always have a shower before I start giving riders a massage. - so I am usually very clean. I do find it can very tricky however, to have a shower in the bus while it is moving. With one hand you have to hold on to something.

I also expect the riders to have had a shower before they come for a massage. However, they are obviously very tired at the end of a race, so sometimes, they can miss bits out.

 

[yello]

I've tested positive for TVP. Sorry.

 

[tdr1nka]

I've tested positive for TVP. Sorry.

Yeah, apparently officials were tipped off by riders who were directly behind you in the last stage.

You were warned to soak it for longer..

 

[Noodley]

I've tested positive for TVP. Sorry.

Not to worry..

I am more concerned with your VPL - never ever ever let me see you riding again wearing a pair of Y-fronts under your lycra!

 

[tdr1nka]

Noodly, I believe we've lost some of our more hungry riders to KFC.
Shall I tell them to get a family bucket?

 

[postman]

Sorry team but i am pulling out of Kit.Just going to put in a redirection.Leaving the Tour for an End to End.Three of my mates are somewhere in Cornwall.Bad signal on mobile but he reports the hills are alive with the sound of cursing.So everyone is in the hands of Will.Their tour is dope free.I'M NOT ON IT!Will keep my eye on the tour to see how you do.Now i have got the right glasses on.Got some of them Viagra eye drops,does nothing ,but it makes you look hard.