Things you'd like to say, but can't

[andrewpreston]

You remember that you made the only manager with a reasonable technical background redundant last month and bragged to me that we hadn't had any disasters since he left... Today the excrement is en-route to the air-conditioning and the only person who knows how to solve the issue is guess who.

 

[machew]

Before asking me to fix the problem with your computer. Please rember rule #1
"It always works better if it is plugged in"

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

Just do the farking stocktake!! You've had since Christmas (when it was supposed to have been completed).
Yes Mr director, here's the financial state of your company, with stock figures from freakin February!!

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

Did you just sh*t yourself? Because you stink!!

 

[TVC]

How long have you been here? You still insist on saying stupid things that make people shake their heads in exasperation, and agree behind you back that you are a complete waste of time.

 

[slowwww]

You asked for my opinion on whether your proposed way forward was a good idea, and I spent a long time researching this and pointing out numerous breaches of our policy and also precedents when similar approaches have not worked.

You were hugely disparaging about my response and carried on regardless in your usual "I know best" manner. As predicted, this has now gone disastrously wrong.

Sorry, you now want me to help you with the sh!tstorm rapidly heading your way?!! You must be joking, I'm loving every moment of this!

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Yes, when I wrote "February Delivery and Invoice" on the order, in the email and when I told you on the phone, I clearly meant "January Delivery and Invoice". How stupid of me.

 

[Ganymede]

REPLY TO MY EMAIL!!!! PLEASE REPLY TO MY EMAIL!!! Don't you realise that without your involvement this whole project could come crashing down? If you want out, just tell me ferchrissakes!

 

[fimm]

Yes, I have a nasty cough. In what way do you think paracetamol would help?

 

[Maverick Goose]

Do you have to drive like a comatose arthritic sloth on valium?

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Do you have to drive like a comatose arthritic sloth on valium?

I've got a fag in one hand, a kebab in the other and a bottle of coke squeezed between my thighs - of course I'm going to drive carefully!

 

[Lullabelle]

You brag about your marriage problems, talk of divorce, almost as though you are proud of the hold you have over her and the purse strings. Have you once stopped to think about the effect this is having on your kids? You are an arrogant, thoughtless, self-centred waste of oxygen. Pull your head out from up your a**e and sort your life out.

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

You still think the BBC is unbiased??

Bwahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Really, you are obviously more stupider than you look!!

Sorry.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I need help.

 

[andrewpreston]

If you don't turn the tap on the water heater all the way on you get "weter-hammer". You're supposed to be an engineer, don't you get it or is the sound of the pipework banging like a Vietnam helicopter what passes for music in your Neanderthal brain?