Things you'd like to say, but can't

[NorthernDave]

Dear ISP, thanks for your wonderful and generous "loyal" customer deal that is exclusively available to me if I sign up now to another 18 months with you.
It's great that you're offering to upgrade me to the speed I currently pay for (but never get) and to include line rental for a landline phone I don't use but can't not have.
When I clicked on "more info" in my desperate rush to sign up before I missed out, I couldn't believe the amount I'd be saving over the standard tariff. I honestly don't know how you can do it for the money!
To offer to knock a whole 50 pence a month off the standard tariff is truly amazing and shows just how much you really appreciate my loyal custom...

 

[NorthernDave]

After all the above palaver, the car was in today for the part fitting - and they'd eventually agreed to fit it while I waited instead of having the car for the full day.

So I was there to book it in when they opened and took a seat in the waiting area. After two hours, I asked how if they could check how much longer the 30 minute job was going to take.

Two minutes later, he was back "Just finished and waiting to go for a wash and vac" - something I'd specifically said not to bother with, so I asked for the keys.
Checked the dash cam when I got back to the car and found it had been sat back in the car park for 40 minutes...

So what I should have said is "You've just blown any chance of getting any further work on this", but I just couldn't be bothered going back in so I just left.

Just got a "rate our service department" survey email from said dealer...you can imagine how this is going to go, can't you...

 

[Mrs M]

Mmm, my 30 year service award (a certificate signed by ?) and a £50 voucher wow!
is overdue by 3 months
Tells me a lot:- you are not important, we don't care, who are you?
Stuff the certificate, where is my voucher???

 

[Saluki]

Seriously? I cannot believe that you are back at work for the season. We work at a happy place and you, quite frankly, are the most miserable cow that I've ever met.

 

[sbird]

To those cyclists in London who think the Broad Walk in Hyde Park (the path from Speakers corner to the Queen Elizabeth gates (near Hyde Park Corner) is

a) a right of way
b) a reasonable space in which to ride as fast and as hard as you can.​

the correct answers are :-

a) No it isn't
b) No it isn't​

In over two years of commuting this route I've seen some of you

• yelling at pedestrians for daring to wander into the painted cycle lane,
• going too fast to be able to stop in time should someone cross your path
• overtaking without due care and attention

and I've seen the aftermath of three accidents.

It's a shared use path and the speed limit in Hyde Park is 10mph. So do be considerate and not an idiot. And even more so when events such as Winter Wonderland, British Summertime or the Proms are on as there are more visitors to the park than usual. They will go away with the impression that all cyclists are dorks if it's just you behaving like one.

This is lovely to hear but can I point out that you are both missing my point. Have a look at this

https://www.royalparks.org.uk/parks...e-pathway-code-of-conduct-considerate-cycling

And then after reading it consider what may happen to the "rights of way" should it be decided by the park authorities that the current provision of allowing cycling is endangering other parks users. My post was to warn that this may happen.

And now the Royal Park is doing something about this.

https://www.royalparks.org.uk/park-...-in-the-royal-parks/the-broad-walk,-hyde-park

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

Why don't you sort out mothers gas bill problem instead of sitting in front of the PS4 for your lifetime?
You don't visit of even stop playing the thing when she calls. You look the other way and just text me to do it all.
You live two miles away and work part time, I work full time and live 20 miles away. Yet I visit and do everything.
I'll bet you'll be there when the will gets read though!

 

[Nigel-YZ1]

Dear British Gas,
CHANGE THE farkING POSTAL ADDRESS. SHE DOESN'T LIVE THERE ANY MORE. IT'S SOLD, GONE, SOMEONE ELSE OWNS IT FOR PETES SAKE!!!

While we're at it what justifies a rise from 37 quid a month to 110 quid? Buying in advance? Exchange rates? Or is it because she's a disabled pensioner paying by direct debit and won't know because you sent the notification to her old address?

 

[Hill Wimp]

You have stood on my foot twice now you bufoon. Stop swinging your bag, stand still and stop moaning.

 

[postman]

I am so good looking.

 

[derrick]

To the load mouthed pratt in our local pub, if they ain't got what you want go and find a pub that has, Don't start an argument with the staff you moron.

 

[Speicher]

No, you do not need to know which hospital she is going into. She will be there four or five days, at the most. If she wanted you to visit she would have told you which hospital it was.

Before you ask, there is no chance whatsoever that I will undertake a round trip of about one hundred miles to take you to see her in hospital. For once, would you try to be reasonable and realistic about your abilities. In the past I have complied with your requests, but not any more, you make too many unrealistic demands, and you want them met yesterday.

 

[Tin Pot]

How was your day doing nothing whatsoever?

Me? No - it's been an easy day, I'd love to stand in a farking queue in my ski boots for 45mins to get you some farking lunch that costs £50.

 

[TVC]

I'm just going to snorkel round the bay and over the corals one more time, then dry off and head to the bar for lunch of green papaya salad and a cold Singha.

 

[Speicher]

After a long walk around the coast, I will now sit here on the sunbed admiring the scenery. I will join you in the bar for lunch, chicken satay with salad please.

 

[TVC]

'Snorkel'

That's the problem with these PADI divers - they don't even know what the kit's called...

Bugger off I've got a cold.

See, I can say that