BREAKING NEWS: Beans in horrific dog incident.
At 3.35 BST Sunday the 6th of April, Mrs Pinno's sister arrived with her 2 dogs. A viscous Labradoodle called Ziggy and a Heinz 57 short haired podgy shrimp dog from the derelict wastelands of Kilmarnockshire called 'Clover'.
Unimpeded and unrestrained, at approx. 3.37 the dog's gained entry into the house. Irresponsible: these dog owners who insist on buying viscous breeds who don't have their dogs on a lead or muzzled.
Beans was having his afternoon nap. This was after his post nibble nap which was after his morning nap.
On hearing the commotion, the obviously terrified Beans sought refuge in the airing cupboard.
However, when the canines decided to vacate the house and were wandering with intent around the garden, Beans appeared at the landing window. He then proceeded to study these coarse, undomesticated animals and before you could say 'Beans you tw@t', he appeared in the conservatory. Ziggy the drooling cat killer from hell approached the michty Beans and then there was a stand off. To which Beans withdrew 6 feet backwards and Ziggy followed. Moments later, a massive blow was delivered by Beans to Ziggy's nose. A single, decisive, most powerful blow, a left hook of George Foreman proportion which left Ziggy dazed and confused followed by a peevish whimper of moral and physical resignation. Clover backed off as witness to this fearless rage as support of her accomplice was too much to contemplate.
So that was them sorted.
Beans was strutting around like Sylvester Stallone crossed with T-1000 and later, insisted on a victory jolly walk adventure in pictures at a point where I could barely see, pushing the limits of human sight.
So
we he got to the ditch in triple time. Which is where I left him.