Stress

[Arch]

Funnily emough,i wouldnt have gone to the docs,but my wife made the appontment for me,and insisted.

When i went to my supervisor in September and said "it's just not happening PhDwise", he set having a break in motion straightaway, and told me for the first time explicitly (although I already guessed), that he's suffered from depression, and at times had to have appointments made for him to get him to the doctors. And I had to go to get a letter to support my break. I haven't had to resort to pills, I'd prefer not to anyway, and I haven't had professional counselling, or anything, yet, but it did help just to have a doctor say "yes, certainly, you've suffered severe psychological trauma, I'll write a letter". Made me feel it was real, and not just me being pathetic.

 

[col]

When i went to my supervisor in September and said "it's just not happening PhDwise", he set having a break in motion straightaway, and told me for the first time explicitly (although I already guessed), that he's suffered from depression, and at times had to have appointments made for him to get him to the doctors. And I had to go to get a letter to support my break. I haven't had to resort to pills, I'd prefer not to anyway, and I haven't had professional counselling, or anything, yet, but it did help just to have a doctor say "yes, certainly, you've suffered severe psychological trauma, I'll write a letter". Made me feel it was real, and not just me being pathetic.

Its strange,but i felt embarrassed about it.

 

[col]

I let my work know i was going to be off yesterday,and the sick note will follow today.But iv had a call this morning already,i didnt answer,cant face the tirade yet.

 

[NickM]

Its strange,but i felt embarrassed about it.

Many years ago, when I was nagged by a concerned colleague into going to a doctor, I too felt embarrassment at first; but very soon it turned into a sense of relief because the doctor saw that there was plainly something wrong, and that it could be addressed - which meant I wasn't just going mad.

The CBT worked to a degree, however I think it works best on reactive depression, where there is a specific event that needs 'outing'. It's not much good IMHO for non reactive depressive illness.

This interested me, because my feeling has always been that if there is an identifiable reason for feeling unhappy, then that unhappiness is not depression. Sometimes, circumstances make it entirely appropriate to feel desperately pissed off. It's when you can't say why you feel very miserable that you are depressed. Which doesn't mean that there is no underlying reason - just that you cannot identify it without help. That's when the talking cure comes into its own.

Your experience may be quite different to mine, of course.

 

[col]

Many years ago, when I was nagged by a concerned colleague into going to a doctor, I too felt embarrassment at first; but very soon it turned into a sense of relief because the doctor saw that there was plainly something wrong, and that it could be addressed - which meant I wasn't just going mad.

This interested me, because my feeling has always been that if there is an identifiable reason for feeling unhappy, then that unhappiness is not depression. Sometimes, circumstances make it entirely appropriate to feel desperately pissed off. It's when you can't say why you feel very miserable that you are depressed. Which doesn't mean that there is no underlying reason - just that you cannot identify it without help. That's when the talking cure comes into its own.

Your experience may be quite different to mine, of course.

I see what your saying,and agree,but after a while of this going on,iv been told that there comes a chemical imbalance,ie less feel good stuff,and it becomes a downward spiral.?

 

[NickM]

Could well be... being unhappy gets to be "normal" (as far as the cells which produce the brain chemicals which determine your mood are concerned).

That sounds plausible, because modern antidepressants work by pulling in the opposite direction. That's why they need a few weeks to take effect.

The antidepressants available when I needed help only made me feel numb and confused, and that wasn't helping the talking therapy, so I stopped taking them.

 

[Elmer Fudd]

This is reading like I could have written it myself !!

I've certainly felt a difference since knocking the booze out, the AD's can now get to do their work properly.

 

[Arch]

Its strange,but i felt embarrassed about it.

I think, even when surrrounded by caring sensitive people, there's a certain inner feeling that you should just get on with it, cope, have a stiff upper lip, whatever. If you're under any sort of pressure from people around you, that feeling can only be made worse.

 

[col]

This is reading like I could have written it myself !!

I've certainly felt a difference since knocking the booze out, the AD's can now get to do their work properly.

What are you taking EF? any side effects/how long?

Thanks for the links jim

 

[col]

I think, even when surrrounded by caring sensitive people, there's a certain inner feeling that you should just get on with it, cope, have a stiff upper lip, whatever. If you're under any sort of pressure from people around you, that feeling can only be made worse.

I think your right there.I just thought the doc would give me something,and id just get on,but when he said he is signing me off,i could have said no im ok,but i was actually relieved he did,and pleased for the break,so i never offered an argument.

 

[Shaun]

I see what your saying,and agree,but after a while of this going on,iv been told that there comes a chemical imbalance,ie less feel good stuff,and it becomes a downward spiral.?

This is how my doctor explained it to me when I voiced concern over taking Prozac:

"Your brain makes a chemical (ceratonin or something?) and once it gets down below a certain level it can't make any extra and therefore can't make up the difference. This is what leads to the empty, low, dispondent feelings. Prozac slowly (over a period of weeks) builds the chemical level back up, and once it's back up you should start feeling better."

However he also sent me for counselling too to help get to the nub of what had got me there in the first place.

My dad, bless him, first of all told me to get myself together and get on with it - then when he saw how bad I was, offered to pay for a holiday to Spain or somewhere for me to go and get my head together.

In the end it was as simple as reducing my 70 hour working week, leaving work at work instead of going home and mulling everything over, and learning to ignore my pedantic boss and putting my creative abilities to work outside of work (the birth of Qango and Dtop Web Design!!!).

It also helped to have great family and friends around, they were fantastic.

If you need any extra family to support you, count me in, and probably a few others here too.

Cheers,
Shaun

 

[col]

Cheers Shaun,much appreciated.It helps when i can ramble on about it here,when normally,i might be on my own at this time,as family and friends are out working.
But i have to say,im still looking forward to christmas.

 

[Shaun]

im still looking forward to christmas.

Good stuff, me too.

I love the time spent with family and this year our daughter is 4 so she's getting almost sick with excitement (probably doesn't help that I wind her up a bit [queue the wife's shaking head of disapproval!] )

Anyway, hope you have a good one.

 

[col]

All the best to you too.

 

[Kirstie]

You have mentioned something there which struck a chord with me.Not a dream world as such,but for a while now,iv felt as if im looking through a window at things,you know,as if im not really there,but just viewing,if you know what i mean,sounds strange doesnt it?This is with out taking anything yet,just part of how iv been feeling.

You just described one of the symptoms of depression - feeling detached, like you've got a fishbowl on your head, or you're watching the world on TV. Depression isn't being hacked off with the world, it's actually not caring what happens in it, not interacting with it properly, and not being bothered to do anything about it.

I've had this too, because of work, so I had reactive, not clinical depression. I took a month off, had a tonne of counselling, changed my job and moved away. I didn't have anti depressants, but I initially turned up at the doctors begging for them so I could cope.

There's a good book by Dorothy Rowe called 'Depression your way out of your prison' that lots of people find useful.l
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Depression-Way-Out-Your-Prison/dp/158391286X