Red flags with people?

[Blue Hills]

A red flag for me might be when someone goes on the offensive after having reached a false conclusion rather than offer an apology, attempts to shift the responsibility.

can you clarify?

 

[byegad]

One thing I find is that someone who ALWAYS turns up late to things that have a specific start time - are probably people worth avoiding.
Not always - but it is a flag.

I read an article many years ago from a psychologist who said that a lot of people like this are after attention.
Basically, if there is an event that starts at x o'clock then most people will arrive a bit early - maybe coffee is available - and mill around and chat.
Then everyone goes through and sits down
then the always late person turns up just after everyone has sat down.

everyone turns round and looks - they get to apologise and explain and people sympathise and all that
so they get a load of attention.

OK it is a bit negative - but it is still attention. And. according to the psychologist, if they are female then they get a lot of sympathy as well if they can blame kids, husband and all that stuff

That sort of person is worth avoiding!
When I read that I looked at my partner (now ex - thank the Gods) and realised that was exactly what she always did!!

Yes my first wife was so bad at time keeping that if we were going out to something I'd lie about the start time bringing the start forward by half an hour. Sometimes we'd still arrive late.

In my yoof a bunch of us used to go hiking on a Saturday or Sunday. We'd arrange to catch a certain bus, and one guy was always so late we had to catch the next one out of town. One week I was so well peed off with this that I talked the guys into simply getting the arranged bus. So he arrived at the bus station after we'd left and had to go home. The very next week he was on time.

While anyone can be late, once in a while, persistent lateness is a definite red light for me. I see it as rude, arrogant and plain bloody annoying.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Yes my first wife was so bad at time keeping that if we were going out to something I'd lie about the start time bringing the start forward by half an hour. Sometimes we'd still arrive late.

In my yoof a bunch of us used to go hiking on a Saturday or Sunday. We'd arrange to catch a certain bus, and one guy was always so late we had to catch the next one out of town. One week I was so well peed off with this that I talked the guys into simply getting the arranged bus. So he arrived at the bus station after we'd left and had to go home. The very next week he was on time.

While anyone can be late, once in a while, persistent lateness is a definite red light for me. I see it as rude, arrogant and plain bloody annoying.

I always like to give a big margin for error. I have a friend who loves to dice with being late.

One time my wife and I were driving to the ferry. Lots of things went wrong, traffic delays, a last minute errand, running low on fuel, all of my contingency used up ... but we just made it. We were the last but one car onto the boat and we were utterly frazzled. The very last car was, of course, our friend. Cool as a cucumber "I think I timed that rather well".

 

[Blue Hills]

I always like to give a big margin for error. I have a friend who loves to dice with being late.

One time my wife and I were driving to the ferry. Lots of things went wrong, traffic delays, a last minute errand, running low on fuel, all of my contingency used up ... but we just made it. We were the last but one car onto the boat and we were utterly frazzled. The very last car was, of course, our friend. Cool as a cucumber "I think I timed that rather well".

but if your friend had been late/missed the ferry would it have inconvenienced you/strung you along?

 

[Arrowfoot]

Vegans going overboard is another red flag. At least 2 couples have been left out after repeated incidents. And all involved giving a hard time to service staff.

 

[swee'pea99]

Vegans going overboard is another red flag.

Putting them in the hold is quite adequate.

 

[Kingfisher101]

I used to know someone very well like this. More than often being late, there were also very regular wierd misunderstandings about where he had been supposed to meet people. He'd turn up supposedly round the corner from where we were to meet and then we'd sometimes meet up as if by chance later to be regaled with the tale. But in the meantime we had all been kept waiting. Sometimes didn't turn up at all. Lots of other "misunderstandings". The crowd I hung around with found it quite charming and delighted in telling these strange strange tales. A right old drag when we were a group but the evening went ahead. Eventually he did it to me when there was just the two of us meeting up. Second or third time he did this (i was left standing in the damn street) I just decided to cut him off. Wasn't interested in meeting him at all, in a group or otherwise. I wasn't interested in the tales. Definitely attention seeking. Some sort of inferiority thing.

He wouldn't carry on like that at work because they would just get rid of him.if someone behaves likes this repeatedly, its just arrogance.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Vegans going overboard is another red flag. At least 2 couples have been left out after repeated incidents. And all involved giving a hard time to service staff.

I think people being 'evangelical' about their belief all the time is a massive flag
it generally shows a lot of disrespect for the other people
The times I have come across it - it seems like they have taken a stance that makes them, in their mind, superior and give them an entitlement to behave how they want to. I have to consider that they will carry this on in other ways.

Vegans in themselves are OK. We know someone who has 'gone vegan' and also given up alcohol over lockdown. She doesn't crow about it - but is greatful when someone - normally one of her daughters - helps her find something suitable to eat in a restaurant.
We only fund out by a chance comment - but we were wondering why she had lost about half her body weight .

 

[byegad]

Yes we watch a few panel show comedies and one guy manages to mention he's a vegan 2 or 3 times in every appearance. Grrr!

 

[slowmotion]

Sometimes it’s observing how they treat others. How do they treat someone in a shop, how do they treat a waitress, how do they treat a person of colour, how do they treat people who work for them (if you’re ever able to observe). Some people are sweetness and light when they consider themselves with their peers but can be bloody awful to those they consider “other”.

Spot on. Being gratuitously rude to people who are in no position to answer back is a particularly nasty form of bullying.

 

[Badger_Boom]

A red flag for me might be when someone goes on the offensive after having reached a false conclusion rather than offer an apology, attempts to shift the responsibility.

I knew a fellow who had that problem. He was always right even when proved to have been clearly wrong. He always argued until he was blue in the face, even with a judge.

 

[Venod]

At the risk of bringing politics into this thread, liars who know everybody knows they are lying but still persist in not telling the truth, laying the blame on others and not giving a shoot about their behaviour until found out.

 

[Blue Hills]

Generally, anyone who smirks.
I associate it with malice paired with weakness.

and in my experience, the weak are often worse/more dangerous than the strong.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

People who have one persona online but a different one in person away from the keyboard.

I do hope you are a real Cookie Monster

 

[Blue Hills]

I do hope you are a real Cookie Monster

you'll never know - other side of the planet I think.

My take has always been that a shitbag online or offline equals shitbag.