Management Speak

[bruce1530]

“Town Hall” meetings is a new one for me - the ones I’ve been to have been “Village Hall” meetings. As far as I can tell, that’s because they are led by the Village Idiot...

 

[Chromatic]

Hosting 'Town Hall' meetings has become quite the rage amongst management recently. I've yet to discover what one is. Anyone know ?

I'll let you know, we've got one coming up apparently, had the email today informing us of the event.

 

[Piemaster]

Apparently we will soon be having a 'gap analysis' audit?

Nope, me neither.

So, I lost the coin toss with one of the others from our department and was 'invited' to the meeting. There was only 7 in the room so no chance for a crafty snooze and an hour later I'd figured out it has something to do with ISO9001 and not a chance to use as many management phrases as possible.
I then decided I had something VERY IMPORTANT (and plausible) to do elsewhere, made my excuses and left. Couldn't even bring myself to stay for free food.

 

[MarquisMatsugae]

Hosting 'Town Hall' meetings has become quite the rage amongst management recently. I've yet to discover what one is. Anyone know ?

Oh yes,we get a quarterly one.
Ours comprise of the Plant Manager standing in front of a projector screen with a laser pen (just in case we can't read eh ?),telling us how well the other plants in mainland Europe are doing.And basically lying through his teeth about future contracts that never materialised.
Oh which reminds me.
Last year they paid 17 guys off the very same day the Staff took delivery of 12 Audi A6 's.
Anyway,after said plant manager has waffled his way through all the charts and spin constantly using his hands to talk,he puts it to the floor.
Wage rises and the top heavy staff situation come up.
Apparently there is no money and we need two guys in several staff jobs doing the same job.
No wonder there is no farking money.

 

[Drago]

Now there's a surprise, management cutting non existent fat from the ranks of people who actually do something, while the waste of space management who produce nothing spunk cash around as if it were running from the taps. Bunch of plums.

Reminds me of when I were in t'dibble. The second to last Chief Freemason I served under arrived, and was distressed by the number of little departments dotted about the place. So he creates a little department to look into it.

Douglas Adams wrote that any person capable of getting themselves elected to high political office should on no account be allowed to do so. It seems the same may be true of 'management'.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

Aahhh, such bitterness from those who worship the free market*. Strange.

*maybe the free market does work

 

[Drago]

I don't worship anything, and I'm beholden to no one.

I don't work, and owe nothing to anyone.

 

[Pro Tour Punditry]

I don't worship anything, and I'm beholden to no one.

I don't work, and owe nothing to anyone.

 

[Drago]

You're clearly distraught at still being a wage slave at your age, sucking the dregs from the very capitalist system you despise.

 

[MossCommuter]

Someone just said "we are going through a socialisation of the the change".

 

[Houthakker]

Apparently we are going to be "Better together"
Can't hear that without thinking of the BBC series. W1A - We need to do more of better.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]

 

[MossCommuter]

Someone wants to encourage us to use the office intranet site

"I think we need to drive the site page to our people"

 

[Maverick Goose]

Someone wants to encourage us to use the office intranet site

Drive as a verb..nice! (see also 'action').

 

[pjd57]

The management in the charity/ company that I very occasionally do some care work for struggle with the idea that we aren't all sitting at a desk with a PC , printer and scanner.

Anything and everything I ask them meets with the same response
" It's on the company drive "

Trying to get an expenses form or timesheet from them is becoming impossible