I'm American. Ask me anything.

[slowmotion]

Do American citizens eat lambs' kidneys?

 

[Rusty Nails]

Sig hookers were not up to scratch and their blow sucked. But is was enough to impress Navy Eels.
Improvements in pimpology achieved better result in the latest head off against Glock.

Translation into English, please!

 

[matticus]

Translation into English, please!

Something about guns. I think.

 

[swee'pea99]

Something about guns. I think.

Guns whose blow sucked, apparently.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Does Richard Dawkins go down well in the US of A?

 

[Drago]

He goes down whenever hes fewling randy.

 

[Mike Ayling]

Came down to cost.

What, no home grown side arm good enough?

 

[classic33]

What, no home grown side arm good enough?

Not that they could afford, it seems.

 

[anothersam]

Why do you not speak English properly ?

We try.

We all know not to mix spots and stripes, yet thqts what the US flag does. Have you not considered a nice chequered affair, or perhaps an AR15 silhouette on a target background?

This is the one they pledge allegiance to at NRA meetings.

Who's won the election

Nobody. (My favourite quote from that night: “We finally find out if Sonny or Fredo gets to run the Corleone family.”)

Coffee. You get a bean, roast it, grind it and then add hot water. It's pretty simple. Why turn it into some kind of daft over-priced sacrament with a thousand and one variants?

Capitalism, capiche?

View: https://youtu.be/OLyn_feOptg

In which state is the famous creek that you do not need a paddle?

North Carolina?

Close. South Carolina.

PS. Great stuff!

Why are American roads so long that they have to have numbers as big as 23,654?

Because there’s nothing in the way that eminent domain can’t take care of.

Excuse the lack of segue, but have you been ordering from Barnes & Noble? I understand they have quite an eclectic range of titles.

Why is it called Times Square when it isn't one. It's just a traffic junction

As misnomers go, it's preferable to The Center [sic] of the Universe.

If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere

That said, being square shaped isn’t a requirement for being a square.

The birch was used until 1976 on the Isle of Man to punish young offenders, but more usually applied to the buttocks, as I understand it… Is the birch used in this way in the US?

There was still corporal punishment in the schools when I was growing up, but that’s long gone. Or at least I thought it was.

Is this in any way related to the expression "I've got wood", which I've heard on several occasions, but never understood?

No idea if birch was the wood of choice, and I can only hope that no school personnel ever wielding it, had it. Except the shop teacher.

View: https://youtu.be/R9IUx6LmfD8

Why do your elections take so long?

As a man ages and his levels of testosterone go down, it takes longer to achieve an er-- Oh sorry, I read that wrong. Being masochists, we like to draw out the pleasure. Also, it’s a big, complicated country.

What is the point of a Ford F650?

It’s “For those for whom Viagra just isn't enuf.”

Why is Socialism such a fearful crime?

Out of concern that if we head down that road, eventually we’ll be left with only one kind of coffee. Unless that’s communism I’m thinking of.

Fantasy Bernie finishes off a cup of joe

I think I may have asked this before, but what are grits? They don't sound very appetising. But neither does black pudding I suppose.

You have, but that’s OK. Grits and why they suck.

Blue,On the Blue Ridge Mountains.Virginia,USA by rebalrid, on Flickr

Another Blue Ridge.

Mine’s nice enough, but yours is definitely prettier.

How easy is it to take bikes on trains?

Who needs the train?

View: https://youtu.be/viSJsOUCGu4

See Amtrak policies on bikes.

Are the freeways really free?

Only if you’re tax exempt.

Is Trump insane?

One of us may be.

Is it true that Sleepy Joe Biden used to work as a Frank Drebin impersonator?

I could imagine him singing this.

"The term "Midwest" refers to a collection of states just east of center in the United States "
How did y'all come up with that??

Click here for what sounds like a sensible answer, and here for a topical song which… could be catchier.

To Americans, is the Middle East actually the Middle West, and the Far East the Near West?

I love that song.

View: https://youtu.be/0_uOEyGYGPE

Sorry, what was the question again?

When do Americans stop thinking that they are from the land of their forefathers?

I’ll let you know as soon as I climb out of the melting pot.

what actually is a winger-dinger?

Even with almost 8,000 Google results, I’m sorry I haven’t a clue. Other than one of Alex Trebek’s cats.

Do you have to have a ZZ Top beard to buy an assault rifle at the local gun store?

You don’t even need to be old enough to shave. (Not so much an assault rifle as an assault on sanity.)

Will the Trump nuke Iran in a fit of pique before they can drag his fingernails off the door jambs?

View: https://youtu.be/P6WD7B_I_9c

Where is Monica Lewinsky now

Possibly sitting at a keyboard.

and do you have her phone number?

We haven’t exchanged phone numbers.

Why did the Army select the Beretta M92 over the SIG P226?

For a nation that's so gun obsessed,

Graphics updated since then

why are Americans such lousy shots (Lee Harvey Oswald excepted)? Bull Duke capped off 200 rounds with Old Painless and only grazed the Predator.

You can always tell who went to the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.

Do American citizens eat lambs' kidneys?

Apparently.

I’m willing to donate one, but two just seems greedy

Does Richard Dawkins go down well in the US of A?

Fêted in the bluest parts of the electoral map, cancelled with extreme prejudice in the red.

 

[PeteXXX]

We try.



This is the one they pledge allegiance to at NRA meetings.

View attachment 557575



Nobody. (My favourite quote from that night: “We finally find out if Sonny or Fredo gets to run the Corleone family.”)



Capitalism, capiche?

View: https://youtu.be/OLyn_feOptg





Close. South Carolina.

View attachment 557576

PS. Great stuff!



Because there’s nothing in the way that eminent domain can’t take care of.

Excuse the lack of segue, but have you been ordering from Barnes & Noble? I understand they have quite an eclectic range of titles.



As misnomers go, it's preferable to The Center [sic] of the Universe.

View attachment 557577
If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere

That said, being square shaped isn’t a requirement for being a square.



There was still corporal punishment in the schools when I was growing up, but that’s long gone. Or at least I thought it was.



No idea if birch was the wood of choice, and I can only hope that no school personnel ever wielding it, had it. Except the shop teacher.

View: https://youtu.be/R9IUx6LmfD8



As a man ages and his levels of testosterone go down, it takes longer to achieve an er-- Oh sorry, I read that wrong. Being masochists, we like to draw out the pleasure. Also, it’s a big, complicated country.



It’s “For those for whom Viagra just isn't enuf.”



Out of concern that if we head down that road, eventually we’ll be left with only one kind of coffee. Unless that’s communism I’m thinking of.

View attachment 557578
Fantasy Bernie finishes off a cup of joe



You have, but that’s OK. Grits and why they suck.



Another Blue Ridge.

View attachment 557579

Mine’s nice enough, but yours is definitely prettier.



Who needs the train?

View: https://youtu.be/viSJsOUCGu4

See Amtrak policies on bikes.



Only if you’re tax exempt.



One of us may be.

View attachment 557580



I could imagine him singing this.



Click here for what sounds like a sensible answer, and here for a topical song which… could be catchier.



I love that song.

View: https://youtu.be/0_uOEyGYGPE

Sorry, what was the question again?



I’ll let you know as soon as I climb out of the melting pot.



Even with almost 8,000 Google results, I’m sorry I haven’t a clue. Other than one of Alex Trebek’s cats.



You don’t even need to be old enough to shave. (Not so much an assault rifle as an assault on sanity.)



View: https://youtu.be/P6WD7B_I_9c



Possibly sitting at a keyboard.



We haven’t exchanged phone numbers.





View attachment 557581
Graphics updated since then



You can always tell who went to the Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy.



Apparently.

View attachment 557582
I’m willing to donate one, but two just seems greedy



Fêted in the bluest parts of the electoral map, cancelled with extreme prejudice in the red.

I feel like I know America much better now... 👍🏼

 

[anothersam]

Sorry, one of those links seems to have gone AWOL. Here's another:
http://paul-pearson.blogspot.com/2015/03/song-20150303-nora-oconnor.html

 

[Yellow Fang]

Is it true there 50x as many men as women in Alaska and what do they do for pootang?

 

[Yellow Fang]

If Jack Reacher were real, would the FBI arrest him or let him get on with it ( or would they just not notice lots of stiffs decomposing next to counterfeit money printers/ uranium reprocessing plants/ snuff film studios/ whatever).

 

[Chris S]

Why do Americans measure their car engines in cubic inches? Wouldn't it be easier to measure them in cubic feet?

 

[bagpuss]

What was the US

equivalent to this gang .