I hate this month

[Fab Foodie]

J-R-G
Sorrry we couldn't do more. Appreciate the update, don't beat yourself up over your temporary relapse. Keep on posting, there's a good chap. Support here in spades.
FF.

 

[Pete]

Jacomus,
Just seen this. What I would have said, after your earlier post, is, Then keep yourself alive and don't go the way that tempts you! This sounds like an order, sorry, it's meant to! Because you owe it to those loved ones whom you so tragically lost. As long as you are there to have your memories of them, a little bit of them stays alive in your mind. You are there to survive for the sake of the others who didn't. As a committed Humanist these are my very firm views, but others of different beliefs feel the same, I am sure of it! Whilst one is around to have memories of another deceased person, that person lives a little - in you.

If as you say you self-harmed yourself yesterday, this is not something to beat yourself up over, to agonise about. There are other people do this, you are one of those who finds expression in this way. The fact that you did so in such a way as not to take yourself from us, you have shown the courage which you deserve to show. If you find the way to come out of this way of showing your feelings, of course well and good. If your present g/f is as you say she is, she will support you.

 

[yenrod]

Elm' - exactly bloody right Elms !

Its a real irratation that MEN are not supposed to show emotion.

I got feelings and emotions and the likes...

Its like youve gotta be gay or something to be a man and cry and show some softness etc...

Thats my 2peneth - thanks Jacabus !

Keep in there man - Ive always liked the style of the bike (in the pic) BTW !

Well, maybe Jacomus, if you've read some of my posts, I might not be the best to offer advice or comfort, but there is hope.

Last Saturday for no apparent reason I felt totally shoot, this weekend, for no apparent reason, I feel good.

I think it was you advised me to get out on my bike, and I have been doing so over the last few days, it does blow the cobwebs out.

There's nowt wrong with a good blubber either, helps to relieve the built up pressure / anxiety.

Keep on in there pal, we're rooting for ya! (and posting on here can be a great help, blokes aren't supposed to show feelings, but strangely, we do have them).[/QUOTE]

 

[longers]

I can't offer any more advice or help than has already been said on here but I sincerely hope that things get better for you.
I think you did the right thing by writing about it and that it was pretty bloody brave to put those things down in type not knowing how folk would react.
Having seen peoples responses to this and other matters I'm quite glad to be on here among caring and compassionate people.

 

[Chuffy]

Oh boy....
JRG - I've got a few scars myself (fag burns, not pretty) and my ex was a cutter, so I've seen things from both sides, so to speak. I can't offer you a way out or a solution. All I can say is that the things that hurt you will hurt the ones you love twice as much. And will cure nothing.
The only thing I can offer is a virtual hug, cheesy as it may sound.
Good luck.

 

[Chuffy]

Find someone you trust and cry the **** out on their shoulders.

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Find someone you trust and cry the **** out on their shoulders.

Agree with that in a way, get a few beers down the old neck to loosen the male inhibitions, not too many mind as no one can understand your slurring !

I also want to share a virtual mince pie and wee toddy on xmas day with you so stay cool, please.

 

[dangerousjules]

my faith in human nature is fully restored, i'm so glad to be on here with people that actually care about people, it can be a cold world on your own. jacomus you took such a huge step by reaching out even just to let us know how you were feeling, i can't imagine what you are going through but be strong, be strong, be strong...we read to know we're not alone so please accept all our concerns for you as i feel all are very genuine and if i could regardless of being a stranger i would definatly give you a hug.

 

[bonj2]

aaah... keep it real mate
*hugs*


keep riding your bike, and above all keep yourself BUSY - make sure you've never got nothing to do, 'cos then you'll just start thinking about stuff, and just thinking on its own is bad as an activity.
And seriously think about asking for a phillishave or other electric shaver for xmas, then you can bin all razors and not have that temptation there

all the best and keep posting on here.

 

[buggi]

Is there no way you could tell your gf BEFORE you cut yourself?? it sounds, although you say you are doing much better and you probably are because you recognise what's happening, that you are not talking about how you feel until it's too late. Sometimes, the fact that you recognise it's coming can be your weapon against it. I'm not sure what you actually did when you realised you were feeling like this. i get the impression you can feel it coming on and you try to deal with it on your own. Obviously, this is not working.

if you can't tell your gf, why not phone your doctor next time you feel like this and get an emergency appointment. she may be able to help with some tablets (for the shortterm) and counselling (for the long term) or something.

also, you need a plan to get you through these months next year. Obviously, these couple of months are crucial to your mental well being, and it is while you feel better that you need to prepare for the those times. Why not see a counsellor in the new year, take your gf with you (or someone else you trust), and use the counsellor to help plan how you are going to deal with it next year so you are more prepared.

Sorry, i'm not sure if that's any help.

 

[Speicher]

I would like to ask if you have considered what your friends who were killed would have said to your friend, the driver of the car if they could? I do not think they would have wanted him to feel so terribly guilty and unable to continue.

What would they say to you now? It is tragic that they were in the accident, but they would want you to live, and tiny step by tiny step, to start to be able to live with the memories, wouldn't they? I think they might say something along those lines. I would suggest that you try and think about what they would say to you. Whatever they might say to you now, it might change over the coming weeks or months. I am not remotely saying you have to "communicate" with them, but you know them well enough to have a good guess at what they might say.

I hope this helps, it is not easy to put into a post, and I hope you are able to understand what I am trying to suggest.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Hi Jacomus, please let-us know how you've fared today?

 

[ChrisW]

Yea, please assure us that you are o.k.

We would all miss you if you weren't here.

After all, you promised me those pictures of the Surrey Lanes! Would be so grateful if you could.

We could even ride them together one day! Actually you are probably too fast for me, but i'd do my best.

Chris

 

[purpleR]

It's not often I think about someone I can't claim to know, but I have been thinking about you since I saw this.

Sounds like you're going through a hard enough time as it is without being tough on yourself about cutting. Be patient with yourself as this is a time when you're clearly feeling very vulnerable. And well done for sharing this so openly, it can't be an easy thing to talk about.

About those cuts... hope you are able to look after them okay. It sounds like you probably know what you're doing if you have cut before, but it is important that you look after yourself and keep yourself safe.

In my experience, talking about cutting is usually the first step towards replacing it, this probably won't happen overnight but it sounds like you are making progress so congratulations for that.

 

[Elmer Fudd]

Well said purpleR