A man goes into town and buys himself a tortoise. On the way to the bus stop he goes past a cinema which is showing a film he really wants to see so he tries to buy a ticket. The woman behind the counter refuses to let him in carrying the tortoise, citing the cinema's strict "No Pets" policy.
Absolutely gutted he asks when the next showing is to be told this is the last showing. He pleads with the woman to let him in but she refuses point blank.
Once outside the cinema he hits on the idea of smuggling the tortoise in, so he puts it down the front of his baggy trousers, buttons his coat over the top, and buys a ticket from a different cashier.
Once the film had started he felt the tortoise getting restless in his trousers, and decided to let it have a bit of air, so he carefully unbuttons his coat and unzips his trousers so it can stick its head out.
The woman in the seat next to him nudges her husband and says
"'Ere, the bloke next to me's got his knob out!"
Husband says, "Try to ignore him."
She says "I can't, it's eating my popcorn!"
