Give us a cheesy giggly with your Friday Jokes...
- Thread starter KristyA
- Start date
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longers
Legendary Member
The Inland Revenue decides to audit Gavin, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough auditor in the office. The auditor is not surprised when Gavin shows up with his solicitor.
The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'
'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Gavin. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!'
Gavin says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.'
Gavin removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Gavin says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other eye.'
The auditor can tell Gavin isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Gavin removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Gavin's solicitor as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
'Would you like to go double or nothing?' Gavin asks. 'I'll bet
you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and unrinate into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Gavin can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Gavin stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Gavin's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Gavin told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it.'
The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'
'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Gavin. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. You're on!'
Gavin says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pound that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'No way! It's a bet.'
Gavin removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Gavin says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite my other eye.'
The auditor can tell Gavin isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Gavin removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Gavin's solicitor as a witness.
He starts to get nervous.
'Would you like to go double or nothing?' Gavin asks. 'I'll bet
you six thousand pound that I can stand on one side of your desk and unrinate into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Gavin can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Gavin stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Gavin's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Gavin told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it.'
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "
The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this," and she goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "
The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!"
Mr Pig
New Member
- Location
- North Lanarkshire
longers said:
That joke's in a film, Quentin What-sis-face.
papercorn2000
Senior Member
Ooh, the one in Mexico - Desperado!
Realy daft film but tremendous fun!
Realy daft film but tremendous fun!
Mr Pig
New Member
- Location
- North Lanarkshire
KristyA said:
Fetching sticks maybe.
Hover Fly
Lazy so and so
- Location
- Besides the lake, beneath the trees
Di you hear about the sarcastic washing machine?
It takes the piss out of your underpants.
It takes the piss out of your underpants.
Landslide
Rare Migrant
- Location
- Called to the bar
^^^
mr Mag00
rising member
- Location
- Deepest Dorset
rofl^^
- Location
- The TerrorVortex
<snigger>
