Give me some dialogue from your day

[EltonFrog]

Stand up comedian to woman in audience last night "... You smell nice, have you been jogging?"

 

[KEEF]

Looking for shoes with Joshua aged 5.Pair of enormous size 13 trainers in middle of shelf. Me, What would you do if you had feet that size Josh? Joshua, Wear those shoes Granddad....................................

 

[Arch]

Couple getting on train
This layout makes no sense, wouldn't it be better to have the seats facing forwards?Yes but won't that depend on which way it is going?
Ah yes, good point.


I make no value judgements here but merely note that they then produced copies of The Telegraph and The Mail to read

A while back I was waiting for the train to Manchester, and they were joining two train units together. The rear unit had had the doors open but they were now closed, and the front hadn't had it's doors opened, as it was still being backed up to the rear.

Woman standing next to me complained about waiting, and said she ought to have walked down to the rear train, got on and walked through to the front half.

Simultaneously, her mate and I pointed out that this would be difficult, as it would mean going through the cab of the rear unit, climbing through the windscreen across the gap, and in through the other cab...

 

[Psycolist]

Computer tech to me :- " well I dont know what you've done to it, your hard drive works in other laptops, and your lap top works with other hard drives, but your laptop wont work with your hard drive "
Me to computer tech :- BLANK STARE " well if I knew what the problem was I wouldnt have come to see you would I "
Computer tech to me :- " well I dont know what you've done to it "

Not the most hepful conversation i've ever had

Me to computer tech :- " can you sort it for me? "
Computer tech to me :- " I dont know, i've never come across this before " scratches and shakes head at same time " what have you done to it "
Me to computer tech speaking very slowly :- " i was using it to search eBay, it told me it had encountered a problem and had to close, it closed down and now it wont re-boot"
Computer tech to me :- "well I dont know what you've done to it"
Me to computer tech :- " I'll come back, give you a chance to have a another look at it " He's already had it for 48hrs
Computer tech to me :- " I've already looked at it PROPERLY (stressed ) I just dont know what you've done to it "
again
I think these guys are the modern day plumber or car mechanic. Its always going to be somebodies fault and they specialise in not actually telling you anything usefull except how hard its gonna be to fix and how expensive the whole thing is gonna be.
To be fair to the guy, he couldnt get my hard drive to boot up in my laptop, but it was fine when put on his diagnostic setup and worked ok when put into a different laptop. But as soon as he put my laptop and my hard drive back together , it just refused to boot up. He worked his magic and got all my files transfered onto the new harddrive and so far so good, so thankyou, but god, you made it hard going. And thank the lord, it was under warranty.
You dont think that had anything to do with his attitude do you ?

 

[redcard]

So what had you done to it?

 

[Psycolist]

So what had you done to it?

Haha

 

[slowwww]

Me to boss. "Perhaps if you are intent on being our leader, it might be a good idea for you to come into the office occasionally, or communucate with us in some other way, to lead us?

Alternatively, if we find better, more productive ways to do the job in your absence, don't expect us to re-do this in some ofther way at a later date to complete it in a manner which you haven't previosuly specified"

Think I can feel my career profile tapering off!

 

[EltonFrog]

Repairing puncture on side of road by bus stop.

Kid gets off bus, " Excuse me why have you taken your bike apart?"
Me "I've got a puncture"
Kid "oh" Then he walks away.
Charming!

 

[Psycolist]

Me to boss. "Perhaps if you are intent on being our leader, it might be a good idea for you to come into the office occasionally, or communucate with us in some other way, to lead us?

Alternatively, if we find better, more productive ways to do the job in your absence, don't expect us to re-do this in some ofther way at a later date to complete it in a manner which you haven't previosuly specified"

Think I can feel my career profile tapering off!

Let him stay away, IMHO thats usually preferable than having him in the office with you !

 

[subaqua]

can you come to my leaving drinks
no I have to get home to look after my kids
can you leave work early to come for a drink before you go home
No

 

[Sandra6]

Chap is waiting at cycles to have a puncture repaired (new tube put in) mechanic isn't in yet, staff in charge of the dept doesn't do bikes (I know I know)
Me - "here, I can do that"
colleague -
customer - "thanks"
So I busy myself replacing the tube, mechanic appears and starts to tell me what to do
me "This is how I do it"
Valve refuses to fit back through the hole, mechanic takes it off me and finishes the job
Customer as he pays me- "thanks so much for doing that"
me
Some while later
mechanic - "do you want to come and do this puncture for me?"
Me - "sure"
wheel is handed to me, I spend ten minutes getting the stupid tyre off (I would've done better with a pair of spoons than the tyre levers!) check it over, attempt to inflate new tube - can't work the pump
Mechanic takes over, another customer distracts me, come back to find the tyre and wheel back in place.
Me - "Any other jobs you'd like me not to do?"
I think I may have found my calling.

 

[Matthew_T]

I am waiting to turn right over a bridge. There is a car coming towards me signalling left so I turn after it has done so.
There is another junction where I am turning left, the car infront just turns with no indication. We then get to the next junction where I am turning left, once again the car just turns with no signal. The car then pulls away from me a little bu I catch up to him at the next set of traffic lights.

I tap on the window and politely say: Do you mind if you use your indicators please? Noone else knew where you were going over the bridge.
Guy: (Too quiet for me to hear)
Me: Sorry?
Guy: I thought I was indicating.
Me: I didnt see it once. (Well I did one time)
Guy then just looks into space.
Me: Please bear it in mind please.

I then cycle off. The guy was quite old and seemed a little unaware of what had just happened. He hadnt caused any problems because I was the only person behind him (cars behind me). I just thought it would be wise to let him know.

 

[Scoosh]

It's amazing how often someone drives around, apparently knowing where they are going and assuming that everyone else on the road knows where they (the 'someone') knows as well ... so they don't bother using indicators.

 

[Crackle]

It's amazing how often someone drives around, apparently knowing where they are going and assuming that everyone else on the road knows where they (the 'someone') knows as well ... so they don't bother using indicators.

Are you following me?

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

It's amazing how often someone drives around, apparently knowing where they are going and assuming that everyone else on the road knows where they (the 'someone') knows as well ... so they don't bother using indicators.

or they indicate and assume that because they have indicated they have right of way... can't win really!