Give me some dialogue from your day

[MontyVeda]

me to my boss "Why don't we have a game of hide and seek on Friday, seeing as the other offices will be empty?"

my boss to me, "We play hide and seek at ten to nine every morning and you're brilliant at it... where the **ck is he!?!"

me,

 

[Melonfish]

User on phone: I can't login to my account.
me:...........congratulations?
User: Sorry?
Me: what for? you did nothing wrong, do you need a reset for it?

User: can you reset my X account, my username is (quickly said foreign name)
Me: i'm sorry can you spell that phonetically.
user: yes its (quickly said foreign name)
me: sorry, i need you to spell this phonetically it is a bad line and i can barely hear you
user: yes, (quickly said foreign name)
me: hi, do you know the international communication standard for the phonetic alphabet?
user: yes my username is (quickly said indian name)
me: *sigh*

what worries me is these OSP's talk to our customers... no wonder people hate calling call centres with foreign staff when a lot of them either don't listen or the line is so bad they can't hear so they just guess.

 

[tyred]

There edited for you. ! See, saved you, me and the rest of us 5 minutes !

I was just in the mood for an argument. Besides, someone disagreed with my view of events. I won't allow that....

 

[ColinJ]

Neighbour via text: " Turn down your studio I can't sleep"
Me. " Witch..it's only on 2 ffs"

Where 11 = 10,000 watts!

 

[Crackle]

Me: C'mon, it's 11.30, way too late to be on your computer, bed, now please, that's where I'm going.
son2: Dad it's holidays
me: Doesn't matter, holidays or not, too late now, switch it off

Go upstairs to brush teeth and call down when I'm done

me: Is it off?
son2: OK dad, just finishing
then in a conspiratoral whisper down xbox mic
Son2: I'll tell dad I'm going to bed, won't be a second, just wait here in COD4.....
Son2: NIGHT DAD
switches off main light and closes door: Hushed whispers commence...

He wasn't playing COD4, just using it to talk to his friend. I've stored that one. Doesn't do to let him know his dad is omnipotent and knows all the tricks from when he was a kid.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

"C'mon Molly, stop eating the bl**dy seaweed, it's 6.30am and I want to get home and have some breakfast before going to work!"

I would stress that Molly is my Labrador, and I was walking her and my Colly, Jess, on the beach before going off to work...and as usual, she decided it was as good a time as any, to stop and have a munch of the lovely free food the tide had washed up.

 

[asterix]

They have not sold the debt, my manager has decided to write it off.

Result!

 

[Lisa21]

I was giving my friend a lift home from work today and as we drove past a very large house this is the conversation.
Him: I believe the fella who lives there is up on a murder rap.
Me: Crikey, what for?
Him: Murderin someone.
Me: I kinda gathered that bit.....

 

[Arch]

Overheard by my boss as we worked today, one woman talking to another...

"I've had a doodah, you've had a doodah, we've both had doodah's, we're not going to split up".

We have no idea what a doodah is, but hazarded a guess at drugs of some sort....

 

[TVC]

Production Manager to random employee No.1 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.2 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.3 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.4 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.5 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.6 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"

etc....etc.....

He really does need to grow up.

 

[MontyVeda]

Production Manager to random employee No.1 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.2 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.3 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.4 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.5 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"
Production Manager to random employee No.6 : "Do you know what a vajazzle is?"

etc....etc.....

He really does need to grow up.

What's a vajazzle?

 

[TVC]

What's a vajazzle?

Let's just say that some women will decorate anything with glitter and tat.

 

[Speicher]

Let's just say that some women will decorate anything with glitter and tat.

TVC - I am shocked! Miss Sixty-nine has probably got one of those!

 

[Hardrock93]

Pre Christmas visit to my wife’s parents last weekend.
FIL to my wife: Are you still going to the BDA (British Diabetic Association) meetings?
Wife: Yes, but it’s called Diabetes UK now. The old name caused a lot of confusion with the British Deaf Association.
MIL: What?
Wife: THE BRITISH DEAF ASSOCIATION, mum.

 

[Cubist]

Me: "The AVCIS guys have a Capture car Defender we could use"
Superintendent Ops: " A what, sorry?"
Me: "A Defender Capture Car."
Supt Ops: "What does it do?"
Me: "Well, it's got a GPS tracker fitted, an immobiliser and several video cameras."
Supt Ops: "But why 'defender'? What does it defend?"
Me: "A Landrover Defender boss, it's a capture car especially made to target Land Rover thieves."
Supt Ops: "Ah yes, I thought.... oh Jesus, how thick did I sound then? Of course.... a Defender Capture Car."
Me : "So shall I order it then? It's available all month."