Give me some dialogue from your day

[stowie]

Talking to two friends about getting cheaper car insurance...

Me: "I got £100 back for putting Arch in my car insurance. Apparently you are less of a risk if you are in a relationship."
Friend 1: "I guess I should find a girlfriend then! "
Friend 2: "How are they about gay relationships? I could be gay for a year if it would help you out!. "
Me: "They will need proof...."
F1: ""
F2: "I can do that! "

This reminds me when I was much younger and myself and a friend were looking for a 2 bed flat to share. We found one for rent which looked great but the landlord didn't want sharers, but accepted couples. We pretended to be a gay couple as the flat was in a great location and seemed the best of the bunch we had seen. As it happens the next day a better flat turned up and we took that one, but it made us laugh that, whilst there are many people who pretend to be straight to their friends and neighbours but are actually gay, we could be the only "couple" who had to pretend to be gay to our neighbours and the landlord whilst being straight behind closed doors.

 

[subaqua]

Sub Contactor Electricians supervisor- Erm the guys with the key to the site box havent turned up.
Me - aahh thats a problem- are thgey coming in
SCES- No they won't so i am going home
Me- ( silently) Yeeees i can have an early dart and get a day in leiu.

 

[gbb]

HOW MUCH !!!

Went to the Chinese with the wife to pick up a meal, walked past my LBS, and in the window is a gorgeous looking Via Nirone xenon....£950 !!!
Bloody hell, my first(9 speed pre C2C) was £495 IIRC, the next ( a 10 speed C2C) was £595 in 2008 I think...£950 is RRP I guess,...
The wife said 'you'd still get it if you wanted it'
I replied...'no actually, that's just taking the piddle'

 

[gbb]

My 84 year old mum stroked the plaque on her sons (my brothers) memorial and said ' I'm thinking about you Kev.'

I choked up, it was his birthday today...
That was a tough moment, mum and dad are really showing their age, I'd just been looking at memorials...it makes you morbid, thinking about loved ones mortality.

 

[The Central Scrutinizer]

I know how you feel gbb I went over to my sisters grave yesterday,I know she died 21 years ago but she was only 41

Chin up mate

 

[Matthew_T]

Family are sat eating BBQ outside. I have half a sausage left on my plate and intend to put it on a bun which noone else wants.

Mum: "What are you doing with that sausage?"
Me: "I'm going to make a bun-sausage with it."
Mum: "A 'bun-sausage'? Dont you mean sausage bun?"
Me: "Yes, well, you know what I mean."

TBF I have had a bit to drink.
All round.

 

[Matthew_T]

Fitting mudguards to my bike this morning. I notice the postie coming towards me and we start chatting about my bike.

Postie: "Can I ask how old you are?"
Me: "I'm 18"
Postie: "Really? Not being rude, but you look about 13/14!"
Me: " Well I have had people tell me I look young but not 13/14!"

 

[swee'pea99]

Not dialogue, but in the spirit of the thread I think...

Good start to the day. Sitting in bed having a cuppa, idly looking out on a lovely morning. Door one or two houses down on t'other side of the street opens, and out come him, her and the nipper. Nipper goes down the garden path, he stays behind, locking the door, she follows nipper. Reaches the end of the path and suddenly there's a shriek and she's leaping and thrashing around like a dervish. I, and he, know exactly what's happened. The spiders have been very active hereabouts lately - she's obviously walked into an overnight web. Nipper's looking up, baffled rather than spooked, looking like 'Why's mummy going bonkers?' Dad's looking down the path, doing that thing hubbies do in such situations - ie, his best not to burst out laughing. A few seconds later it's all over, and off they trog.

 

[Rezillo]

Call from mother-in-law this morning to say father-in-law taken to hospital A&E earlier today. She is no state to travel, recovering from a major op herself, so we go charging off to Ipswich A&E to find out what is happening. We walk into the centre and tag on to the reception queue. In seconds, just as we step in line, a nurse comes out of a side room with a clipboard:

"John Rezillo?" she calls. (Well, my real name, which is not a very common one) "Mr John Rezillo?"

"Bloody hell", I think - "We've either got psychics in A&E programmed to pop out the instant they detect an incoming relative or the NHS has suddenly acquired cash for facial recognition software and I'm in the database".

Mrs Rezillo and I do a double take. "Did your mum tell them I was coming?" "No, she just saw him off when the ambulance arrived - she doesn't even know we're here". "Well, what are the chances of there being another John Rezillo at this precise location being called for the moment we walk through the door - I've only ever heard of one other John Rezillo in our region in my life?" "Perhaps she knows you from work?" "Never seen her before".

While we discussed whether to respond, someone in the main waiting area stood up with a heavily bandaged ankle and limped off to the nurse - yes, another John Rezillo.

John

Oh, and my father-in-law turned out to be in no immediate danger but is in for further tests.

 

[Cubist]

Me: "That action plan to reduce the number of calls from 1 ..... Avenue looks like it's working, we haven't had a call for nearly fourteen days."
Sgt "Well, it came to a crescendo while you were on holiday. Reg has accused Fred of assault and moved out last weekend."
Me "But the calls more or less stopped the weekend before that."
Sgt. "Look at the call last Tuesday"
Me (reading) "Hello, I'm ringing to say I can't find my phone."

 

[GrasB]

Kid: Mum, are cows in the all-in-pink-its?
Women: Cows in the Olympics? I don't think so, why?
Kid: Look, look! It's the eating race! *kid points at 10 or so cows trying to run as they grazing up a field*

 

[Sandra6]

Spotted a chap on a bike, due to him going in circles and then doing laps of a car park I assumed he was test-riding from the LBS, he was giving the bike a good look over and looked perturbed.
Me- "Are you alright there?"
him- "I'm alright, are you alright?"
Me - "I just wondered if everything was ok, or if you needed some help with something"
him - "I don't need help, do you need help?"
Me - "I was just offering assistance"
Him - "fark off"

 

[TVC]

Me: Ooh. Sigur Ros tickets go on sale on Friday
Mrs VC: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
Me:

 

[perplexed]

Talking to two friends about getting cheaper car insurance...

Me: "I got £100 back for putting Arch in my car insurance. Apparently you are less of a risk if you are in a relationship."
Friend 1: "I guess I should find a girlfriend then! "
Friend 2: "How are they about gay relationships? I could be gay for a year if it would help you out!. "
Me: "They will need proof...."
F1: ""
F2: "I can do that! "

I mis-read that...

 

[gbb]

We've got a new yard cleaner at work, nice enough chap, late 50s, very agricultural accent (maybe Suffolk or Norfolk)...nice enough but has some odd behaviour, always chucking in odd comments about anything and everything, keeps telling you the obvious, just slightly annoying...
So today i have an industrial bin with a dodgy castor to replace. Simple job, chock or jack it up, undo 4 bolts, replace castor, job done.

He's brought it to me on a hand pallet truck, with a couple of bits of timber resting on the forks to give the truck enough height to reach the bin. Just the job actually because it meant i had the means to get the wheel off the floor without even trying. Its what i'd have probably have done anyway.

After i'd fixed it, he said
'were you wary about my timber trick ?'
'Eh ?'
'i put some timbers on the forks so it'd reach the bin, it's a trick i learned years ago'
' No it was fine, it aint rocket science'

Odd fella....