Give me some dialogue from your day

[Andy in Germany]

This morning I heard Middle Son closing the door as he left the apartment for School. Went and opened it to see him off:

Andy In Germany: Honestly, stop sneaking off with out saying goodbye.
Middle Son: I wanted to, It was the door closing.
AinG: So it's the doors fault?
M S: Yeah, Its a neo-Marxist conspiracy to destroy the family unit being perpetrated by ideologically motivated front doors.

I really should stop showing him those YouTube videos.

 

[gbb]

The joys of grandchildren in your care for a day and a half....granddaughter (3) and grandson (5) we have been to see Santa at his grotto, then were going to Maccy Ds, then to a small fete run by their mum and her sister in aid of the air ambulance
Grandson (5)
Are we going to see mum at the fete afterwards ?'
'Yes mate'
'When are we going ?'
'After we've finished here'
'How do you know where it is'
'We have the satnav..dont worry'
Other questions, often repeated....
'How long is that'...in answer to my saying it will take us half an hour to get there.
'Is the satnav on '
'Are we going to MacDonalds after the fete ?'
'Is auntie Bree going to be there ?'


And so on, and so on, endless questions, often repeated, each spiking your tolerance levels a little each time
After another 10 to 20 minutes of it, I sharply (but not nastily) said...
'That's it, not one more word about the fete, not a word ok, or we wont be going...seriously, so no more talk about the fete'

Silence descended for about 10 seconds...
Granddaughter (3) who hadnt said a word generally,, chirped up...
'Are we still going to the fete ?'

I cant put up laughing emojis for some reason...but my wife grinned, snook a sideways glance at me...to see me doing the same to her. Grits teeth and carries on.....

 

[Chris S]

Not really dialogue but I've just been watching the Red Box soapbox race. One of them was made-up to look like Stephenson's Rocket. The presenter said, "It looks more like a train than a rocket."

 

[captain nemo1701]

Work colleague: Are you interested in buying my car?. £1,500 cash, decent condition...?
Me: No thanks. I already have a carbon-neutral all terrain vehicle which is so advanced, its power-source is living biology.

 

[Threevok]

I had similar with a Carbon footprint phone survey

I told them

33% of the IT Staff cycle to work, as do 50% of our fork lift drivers

I failed to mention I am the only one who cycles to work

 

[clid61]

walking through Wigan town center . " Sir have you had any travel delays over the last 2 years ? We can claim compensation for you "
Me " Yes I have I in fact , whats next?"
Him: " Can you give me details of delay , dates where and when time spent delayed ?"
Me : " Of course , just now , you have made me miss my train to Warrington approx 20 minute delay , how will you compensate that?"
Me : Walk off chuckling

 

[Andy in Germany]

Work colleague: Are you interested in buying my car?. £1,500 cash, decent condition...?
Me: No thanks. I already have a carbon-neutral all terrain vehicle which is so advanced, its power-source is living biology.

And it does over a thousand KM to the litre.

 

[captain nemo1701]

And it does over a thousand KM to the litre.

It does about 50 miles per flapjack

 

[Andy in Germany]

It does about 50 miles per flapjack

A much better measurement of fuel economy.

 

[siadwell]

Overheard in hospital...
Nurse: Right you need to get your leg straight, can you kick it out, like in the cancan.
Elderly female patient: I’m from Stoke. I conna do the bluddy cancan.

 

[Andy in Germany]

(Phone ringing)
Social Worker: Hello this is Herr Imker* from the Stuttgart Social Programme*
Andy In Germany: Hi. Herr Ingermany here. The Employment Agency has sent me a letter saying you need an Occupational Therapist, and that I should contact you.
SW: No we don't, We need a workplace designer for people with disabilities.
AinG: Fair comment, and you need them to be a Machine Technician,preferably a master Machine Technician?
SW: Yes.
AinG: So it's going to be a waste of time me applying then isn't it? I'm a cabinet maker. I don't think the Employment Agency read your job description.
SW: (Laughing) yes it is rather, I don't need a carpenter.
AinG: So how can we deal with this so we waste as little of your time as possible, and I get a rejection letter for the Employment Agency?
SW: Just send your CV, It''ll come to me and I'll recognise it and make sure a rejection letter is sent over.
AinG: Okay, cheers...

Don't you love Bureaucracy?

* Entirely made up name...

 

[Chris S]

We couldn't see the Northern Lights so we saw some artificial ones instead.

 

[siadwell]

We couldn't see the Northern Lights so we saw some artificial ones instead.

A colleague of mine went to Iceland (the country, not the purveyor of prawn rings) with his wife, who was convinced they had seen the Northern Lights. But he suspected it was actually the lights of a distant petrol station.

 

[Threevok]

A collegue of mine just came back from Iceland (the country, not the purveyor of prawn rings) too, and went on the excursion to see the Northern Lights.

The trouble was, she couldn't see them with the naked eye, but could through her mobile phone.

I replied "I can see them on my mobile phone too, without the expense and a 5 hour flight delay"

 

[postman]

Not today but last week.Our friends know we do a lot of things together as a family.Even though the kids are at Uni.So i mentioned we are going to see Diana Ross for our wedding Anniversary.
Just the two of you going.
My reply..................Well i think Miss Ross would like a few thousand more to make it worth her while.