Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

Just popped in to see my 89 yo mum. She asked....
'Do you like shredded wheat ?'
'Not really mum, why ?'
'I brought some today by mistake, I did t like them....we used to call them tonsil stranglers when we were kids'
Me...
'funny that, the second you said shredded wheat, it instantly thought...tonsil stranglers'

 

[gbb]

A machine isnt sealing punnets properly. We've had a look and mechanically it looks fine. Check the punnets in the mould they sit in...they dont sit properly, theyre slightly wrong.
'Its the punnets, they're slightly different.'
'They can't be, they're the same punnets we always get'
'Look, you can see for yourself, they dont sit properly'
'You sure its not the machine, you sure its not the mould they sit in ?'
'The mould is metal, it doesn't change, the punnet is flexible, it can..and has'

Several layers of management came and went, all questioning the validity of my diagnosis. Thesenior engineer came and agreed with me. The director of the customer came, questioned, looked, and walked away...and finally, they accept the punnets are to blame.


Little old me told em in the first place. 3 hours later....they grudgingly finally accept I was right...

At risk of telling you...i told you so.

Problem reported with punnet sealing machine, film is not sealing all the way round the punnet.
I attend, verify settings are ok, verify tooling and heaters are echanically ok etc etc. Then i place some punnets in the tooling...and they don't sit correctly,there's the problem as i see it, distorted punnets. Advise operator, there;s not much you can do, its only some punnets that are effected, it'll cause inconvenience and a little lost time but nothing too bad.

1/2 hour later.. Line leader calls...
'Colin, there's a problem with the seal'
'i know, its the punnets'
'No its not, the shift managers had a look, he says its not'
'Ok, i'll have a look, there might be something else i didn't see'

I pick up the first 5 punnets, offer them by hand into the tooling...4 of them are distorted and won't sit properly....they then won't seal properly.

Show shift manager my findings...
'Oh yes' he says

Detail, you have to really look sometimes to see the problem, not just think...'they look ok so they must be ok'

And so the merry go round continues. Yesterday i got called to the line..
'The punnet machines not sealing properly !!!'
the conversation continued almost exactly as the quotes above,..
'Poor punnets, nothing i can do, its a transient problem, nothing wrong with the machine'
I even showed them the poor punnets not seating correctly in the tooling.....and still they keep trying to blame the machine . Three times in three months, they have remarkably short memories.

 

[gbb]

Having gone to the rescue of my DIL whohad run out of petrol on a dual carriageway, got the kids to safety, went to the petrol station for fuel, tried getting a car going again with 60/70 mph traffic hurtling by, wishing like hell it would just start and failing, sweating like a pig with the heat and moderate stress of it all, arranging recovery, being towed to her house, getting it going again followed by profuse apologies and thanks from her, I left with one sentence....
'Please...don't ever do that again'

 

[Andy in Germany]

Beautiful Daughter was riding yesterday on the back of the Xtracycle (Principle shown here) and as kids do, was making the most of a bumpy bit of road:

Beautiful Daughter: Oaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoa...

(We run over a large pothole)

...oaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaOAOAAOAOOOOOOOAa....That was BIG bump... (pause) oaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoaoa...

 

[Andy in Germany]

Beautiful daughter again. This time she's playing in the living room at about 8am and is bemused to see your correspondent wander in and out several times, muttering sotto voce in the Anglo Saxon vernacular.

Beautiful Daughter: What are you looking for, Papa?
AinG: I can't find my glasses.
B D: But..
AinG: Hang on, I'll find my glasses and come back to you (leaving room)
B D: (Following) But Papa, they're on your nose...

Sometimes I think I shouldn't be allowed out on my own, let alone look after other people...

 

[Threevok]

I'm sat on a bench at my local park, when a man proceeds to drive his car along the footpath that runs alongside the lake, in his car

Me: Excuse me, you can't drive along here

Man : I'm disabled mate, I can do what I want

Me: No you can't, it's a footpath. Besides, you can't go far along there in a car

Man shouts various expletives and proceeds to drive off, pushing aside bemused cyclists, dog walkers, parents and children

3 minutes later he returns in the other direction, hounded with insults from everyone he passed

Me: Have a nice trip ?

Man shouts various expletives

 

[HarryTheDog]

At a Social Ballroom Dance on Saturday, a very old man asks to sit on our table and soon starts talking to the guy next to me, talks about all sorts of things his childhood, his deceased wife, stamp collection etc . His last comment of the evening was "life is pain, my first memory of my life was pain, I remember being born you know, it was painful"
Yes a jolly fellow.

 

[roadrash]

At a Social Ballroom Dance on Saturday, a very old man asks to sit on our table and soon starts talking to the guy next to me, talks about all sorts of things his childhood, his deceased wife, stamp collection etc . His last comment of the evening was "life is pain, my first memory of my life was pain, I remember being born you know, it was painful"
Yes a jolly fellow.

is he available to book for partys etc...

 

[ColinJ]

At a Social Ballroom Dance on Saturday, a very old man asks to sit on our table and soon starts talking to the guy next to me, talks about all sorts of things his childhood, his deceased wife, stamp collection etc . His last comment of the evening was "life is pain, my first memory of my life was pain, I remember being born you know, it was painful"
Yes a jolly fellow.

How did his stamps cause him pain - paper cuts, maybe?

Or perhaps one of his stamp albums fell down onto his head from a high shelf!

 

[roadrash]

me taking to someone at the compound where my car is being stored after being stolen..

me,..... my insurers have tried to arrange to collect the car, Nissan qashqai but you wont release it

THEM,.…. yes that's right

me…. why not.....

THEM....because we don't recognise the registration plate number they gave us

me…...MAYBE THATS BECAUSE THE THIEVING B@ST@RDS HAVE PUT FALSE PLATES ON IT WHICH THE SEARGANT DEALING WITH IT HAS ALREADY TOLD YOU. how fekin thick do you have to be to work there.

 

[Lullabelle]

Today was our first day back from holiday. The materials manager looked at me:

Mm: you don't have much colour

Me: I burn easily so slather on factor 50 and limit my time in the sun. The burnt to a crisp look is not my thing.

Mm: oh ok.

He always comes back from holiday with a good tan but he looks older than he is due to many years of his skin exposed to the sun.

 

[HarryTheDog]

How did his stamps cause him pain - paper cuts, maybe?

Or perhaps one of his stamp albums fell down onto his head from a high shelf!

He may cause someone some pain, the guy was very doddery and I was surprised to see him get into a car and attempt to drive it out of the car park, he could not work out where the exit was and waited for me to move so he could follow, hope I don't meet him on a bike. Got to feel for the guy though, he came all by himself with his flask and sandwiches, probably danced with his wife for years, 2 or 3 ladies were charitable and had a dance with him. ( well a shuffle but I reckon the guy was late eighties or older) However I will probably avoid conversations with him, my brother is a stamp collector and has attempted to bore me to death before.

 

[Pale Rider]

I had a close call on my Sunday ride with a driver on a single lane road with no footpaths.

He shot round a bend towards me, leaving little room.

We both ended up stopped, with me in touching distance of his car door.

Me: "It's a two-way road."

Him: "What do you mean?"

Me "You know fine well what I mean."

Him (honestly) "I pay my road tax."

Me: "So do I, my car's in my garage."

At which point I pedalled off as he hurled abuse at my departing back.

 

[bruce1530]

Just got off train, reached ticket barrier with several hundred other commuters.
Took season ticket smart card from wallet, swiped it.
Barrier didn’t open.
Swiped it again.
Barrier didn’t open.
Sighed. Held up card in front of me and waited for barrier check guy. Big queue behind me.
“That’s never going to work”, he said.
“What?"
“It’s a Tesco clubcard”.

 

[NorthernDave]

Just got off train, reached ticket barrier with several hundred other commuters.
Took season ticket smart card from wallet, swiped it.
Barrier didn’t open.
Swiped it again.
Barrier didn’t open.
Sighed. Held up card in front of me and waited for barrier check guy. Big queue behind me.
“That’s never going to work”, he said.
“What?"
“It’s a Tesco clubcard”.

Every little helps?