Give me some dialogue from your day

[gavgav]

We’ve had a day listening to Microsoft showcasing their Office 365 suite. A good day and it included them using their voice recognition/translation technology......

Chap from Microsoft is talking away, during his presentation, and up on screen comes the translated line “Microsoft is a Joke”

Cue absolute hilarity from the audience and a very embarrassed presenter!

For the rest of the hour I was transfixed by the words coming up on screen. There was a “Pray for Help” that appeared at one stage and that also brought plenty of laughter

 

[Vantage]

My youngest comes downstairs ready to leave for school...

Me: Why do you have a bobble on your wrist?
Her: It's not a bobble. It's a scrunchy.
Me: Ok. Why do you have a scrunchy on your wrist?
Her: It's fashion dad. Everyone does it.
Me: Everyone wears a scrunchy designed to keep their hair in place on their wrist? And that's fashion is it?
Her: Dad, you're so stupid.

 

[gbb]

My youngest comes downstairs ready to leave for school...

Me: Why do you have a bobble on your wrist?
Her: It's not a bobble. It's a scrunchy.
Me: Ok. Why do you have a scrunchy on your wrist?
Her: It's fashion dad. Everyone does it.
Me: Everyone wears a scrunchy designed to keep their hair in place on their wrist? And that's fashion is it?
Her: Dad, you're so stupid.

Next week it'll be something else..maybe not next week, but soon.

 

[Lullabelle]

P and I have been colleagues and mates for years, our conversation today

P: you know you are getting old when your nephew applies for his bike license, he is 16 and off to Uni so wants reliable transport

Me: 16 already

P: yes. I am thinking of taking a month off claiming 'feeling old' do you think they would buy that

Me: maybe not but I would sign your note, I know how you feel

 

[Lullabelle]

My youngest comes downstairs ready to leave for school...

Me: Why do you have a bobble on your wrist?
Her: It's not a bobble. It's a scrunchy.
Me: Ok. Why do you have a scrunchy on your wrist?
Her: It's fashion dad. Everyone does it.
Me: Everyone wears a scrunchy designed to keep their hair in place on their wrist? And that's fashion is it?
Her: Dad, you're so stupid.

Next week it'll be something else..maybe not next week, but soon.

Those loom bands things were huge a while ago for about 2-3 weeks, fads come and go.

 

[gbb]

At risk of telling you...i told you so.

Problem reported with punnet sealing machine, film is not sealing all the way round the punnet.
I attend, verify settings are ok, verify tooling and heaters are echanically ok etc etc. Then i place some punnets in the tooling...and they don't sit correctly,there's the problem as i see it, distorted punnets. Advise operator, there;s not much you can do, its only some punnets that are effected, it'll cause inconvenience and a little lost time but nothing too bad.

1/2 hour later.. Line leader calls...
'Colin, there's a problem with the seal'
'i know, its the punnets'
'No its not, the shift managers had a look, he says its not'
'Ok, i'll have a look, there might be something else i didn't see'

I pick up the first 5 punnets, offer them by hand into the tooling...4 of them are distorted and won't sit properly....they then won't seal properly.

Show shift manager my findings...
'Oh yes' he says

Detail, you have to really look sometimes to see the problem, not just think...'they look ok so they must be ok'

 

[Lullabelle]

This morning 1 of my colleagues informed she is to have a doctor's appointment tomorrow-she will be paid

Colleague: when we were teenagers....
Me: I think I was a teenager a bit before you

 

[swee'pea99]

Brief monologue, strictly, but anyway...

Walking past a bunch of young lads into the leisure centre, and conversation suddenly stopped. I realised one of them - a very substantial black guy, like an American footballer, was looking down at my shoes, which have been one black (cleat) one white (trainer) since I've been back on the bike, recuperating after breaking my hip (I don't dare wear cleats on my dodgy leg, for fear of a clipless moment, which would be a major nightmare). Anyway, this guy just stopped mid-sentence, clearly fixating on my shoes. Shook his head very slightly, and said 'I'm so confused...'

 

[Threevok]

Colleague : I think I have the "blue screen of death"

Me : No, that's the "teal screen of shut the hell up - while I load"

 

[gbb]

We have 3 granddaughters staying over tonight.
14 YO is doing extraordinarily well at school, very studious and is a joy to talk to, she thrives on knowledge and loves to discuss things.
Me on the other hand....I cant help myself, often chucking in silly witticisms etc.
Somehow the convo got to French and five happened to be mentioned somewhere in it...
'Ah yes, the French for 5 is of course...is deux, deux and half a deux'...I said.
'Oh dear grandad...'
'Look, I cant help it, alright ?'

Later, after dinner i stripped the chicken bones of flesh for the dog, who greedily started eating it.
GD, 6YO, leant in and pulled out a piece of chicken she thought had a bone in, to spare the dog.
'You shouldnt take food from a dogs bowl Yazz, some dogs might bite you if they think you're stealing their food'
'But Jake wouldn't bite me'
'No he wouldn't darling , but you shouldn't ever do it with strange dogs, you dont know if they'd bite you'
'But Jake's not a strange dog '

I gave up on that one

 

[Vantage]

Pam and I out for a drive today and I recognised the road.

"There was a bad car crash here years ago. The car went into the wall of that driveway and completely took it out. Car was an absolute mess".
Pam: "Let me guess. Sporty car?"
"Yup. Keep going."
Pam: "Ferrari?"
"Nope."
Pam: "Porshe?"
"Nope."
Pam: "Hmm. Lotus?"
"Nope. Do you wanna clue?"
Pam: "Yup."
"Driven by tw*ts."
Pam: "BMW!"
"YUP!"
Both of us in hysterics.

 

[gbb]

Today I'm called to a thermal transfer printer on a machine that's become erratic, poor definition occasionally. I check settings, micro adjust various things and struggle to make any improvement. I take off the ribbon cassette to find a non standard, cheaper transfer ribbon...the same ribbon that gave us exactly the same problem maybe 3 months ago...and long before. I go to production office...
'I thought we agreed not to use that cheap ribbon in the printers'
'Is that what's causing the problem '
I'm beginning to get a tad annoyed now, wasting time investigating problems when I'm already busy enough...
'Over the last 6 months I must have raised this issue in the morning production meetings at LEAST 4 times...and we're STILL using it after we agreed we only buy the correct stuff'

It's like theres a stubbornness or a lack of co-operation, they can save maybe £1 a roll...never mind the loss of production, extra wear on expensive thermal heads....its like banging your head against a wall.

On the plus side, my daughter rang tonight....
'Are you both sitting down ?'
'Errr yeah'
'You're going to be great grandparents '

After some talk and congratulations....my wife called down the phone...
'Hahahaha....you're going to be a grandma'
Odd when you've raised them from babies...and now they're going to be grandparents.

 

[pjd57]

Optician... Don't drive for six hours after I put the eye drops in.

Me. It's ok I don't have a car. I came on my bike.

Optician... eh well........mumble.

 

[Cavalol]

'I think my sister knows your sister'

'What about my sister?'

'Isn't your sister called Carol'

'Who's that?'

'Sorry, I thought your sister was Carol ******'

'Oh, Carol ********, yes, she's my sister'

Later, in the same conversation:

'How old are you?'

''I'm 28, aren't I?'

'Erm, I've no idea'

'Oh no, hang on, I'm 38 I think'

 

[Lullabelle]

Me: L is as thick as 2 short planks
TVC: yup, do wonder how she got that job
Me: because no one else wanted it