Give me some dialogue from your day

[gbb]

I'd been asked to look at a shuttle, it's a pallet sized sled effectively, picks up a 1 tonne pallet and shuttles it into the racking. We have 12 of them, cost IRO £30K each. The batteries alone are IRO £3K a pair. Its behaving erratically.
I report back with my findings...
'Batteries were low, I put fresh batteries in, tested it in different modes, it does everything it's meant to'
'I dont understand, it goes a bit mad occasionally'
'Batteries were low, it tells you on the remote control, look Alarm 8'
'But I took those batteries off another machine that was only the charged a few days ago'
'They're still low. It may be there is another underlying problem but right now, fresh batteries ...its working'

I could tell I'm wasting my time . I rei forced the argument by telling him...
'And 4 or the 5 other shuttles I've just checked all alarmed up with low batteries as well'

Email sent to relevant departments, battery management is important, they'll cost a fortune in the end if they're abused...and they are being. It's just laziness.

 

[Lullabelle]

Today 1 of the women at work L was complaining about the cleaner,

L: she is rubbish, she sits in that cubicle for half an hour at a time on her phone

Me: how do you know she is on her phone?

L: *staring at the floor and shuffling her feet* well erm...

Me: what she does in there is her business, have you thought that maybe she has a health issue?

L: erm...no..ok.

Me:

 

[gbb]

Babysitting our 3 granddaughters tonight. Our 13 year old just never ceases to amaze us. She plays bass in a school band, plays electric and occasionally acoustic, has a lovely voice but needs to gain confidence and strength (I mean that in the nicest way) and tonight we're listening to some of their recordings...a part of a track features a short but strong drum beat....
'That's me'
'What ?'
'That's me playing the drums'
'For chrissakes Hollie, is there nothing you cant do'

 

[postman]

On Monday i walked to my Diabetes Prevention meeting.From Meanwood to Chapel Allerton,i gave myself over an hour to get there.Well i was there in thirty five mins.I saw a nice little cafe on a street corner,so i popped in.Would i like an 8 or 12oz cup of coffee.My reply was oh 12oz i am a cyclist.Well a lovely twenty mins or so was passed outside talking to Brenda an older lady who lives near and uses the cafe each day.We got on like a house on fire.When i was leaving i asked the owner if she minded a lycra cyclist calling,all welcome was the reply.So i promised to call again.Well i went to Rufforth yesterday and instead of finishing off in a Costa i went to the cafe again.Now Brenda was just leaving,we had natter,and the owner said what would you like,knowing the routine 8 or 12,i shouted out i'll have a 12 incher.Brenda howled all three of us laughed our heads off.Now now Brenda i said be careful.She was still laughing as she left,wonderful.

 

[yello]

Well, can't sit here all day.

 

[Lullabelle]

This morning I nipped into the COOP on my way in, I was served by a lady G who I have known all my life

Me: good morning, how are you?
G: fine thanks, you look very fit and well this morning
Me: wish I felt it

 

[Rezillo]

"Your risk assessment for this geophys survey - did it include being attacked by pigs?"

"What pigs?"

"Well, here they come."

 

[gbb]

I'd forgotten how puerile I can be
A few of us have been on a training course, creating COSHH assesements. We are a company with a twin sites, I've worked at both and it was nice to meet with old colleagues. My old maintenance buddy was there, we always got on like a house on fire always having a giggle.
At some point the course provider was discussing methods of monitoring for Industry related conditions...he mentioned a couple then asked, out of the blue...
'Has anyone here had a scrotal swab ?' (I think that was the term, it's a check because older engineers used to put oily rags and hands in their pockets, causing long term health problems...you know where)

was the instant reaction from almost everyone.
Without batting an eyelid, I almost instantly replied...
'Yep, had mine last week '

My old colleague guffawed, everyone looked up and I continued...
'He had his last week as well '

Instant unplanned comments like that can either cause acute embarrassment or hilarity.... thankfully everyone thought it was funny.

 

[Andy in Germany]

"Your risk assessment for this geophys survey - did it include being attacked by pigs?"

"What pigs?"

"Well, here they come."

Please tell us the rest of that particular story.

 

[Rezillo]

We'd been on site for about 40 minutes when four pigs charged across the field towards us at some speed from what I had assumed was an empty shed. They must have been asleep earlier. This induced a momentary panic but they were just being extremely inquisitive, not aggressive. However, our gear is very expensive and not insured against pig saliva and being chewed, as far as I know, so we had to get off the field.

We legged it towards the field gate with our equipment and with me following, carrying a bucket of assorted car keys, watches and phones (we have to be free of metal items when surveying). This was not a wise move as the pigs assumed it was a feed bucket and followed me all the faster to try and rummage around in the contents while drooling in anticipation. What I was doing was bringing some drooling excitable pigs straight to my colleagues, one of whom was quite scared of them and hadn't yet got out of the field, as I soon realised from the piercing scream.

We've surveyed before with all sorts of livestock around us but never pigs and hopefully never again.

 

[gbb]

We'd been on site for about 40 minutes when four pigs charged across the field towards us at some speed from what I had assumed was an empty shed. They must have been asleep earlier. This induced a momentary panic but they were just being extremely inquisitive, not aggressive. However, our gear is very expensive and not insured against pig saliva and being chewed, as far as I know, so we had to get off the field.

We legged it towards the field gate with our equipment and with me following, carrying a bucket of assorted car keys, watches and phones (we have to be free of metal items when surveying). This was not a wise move as the pigs assumed it was a feed bucket and followed me all the faster to try and rummage around in the contents while drooling in anticipation. What I was doing was bringing some drooling excitable pigs straight to my colleagues, one of whom was quite scared of them and hadn't yet got out of the field, as I soon realised from the piercing scream.

We've surveyed before with all sorts of livestock around us but never pigs and hopefully never again.

I the 1970s I worked on a crew doing coalfield surveys using miles of 50 core cables and strings of geophones...one big problem was keeping cattle off the cables, they did seem to like chewing them, causing expensive and time consuming damage.

 

[gbb]

Facebook dialogue. Recently we sold a couple of Samsung Galaxy mp3 players, they were very good but Samsung only made them for a while, look like a mobile, large touch screen, good storage , good equipment that quickly got superceded by mobiles themselves.
In the advert we quite clearly stated..'NOT a mobile phone, mp3 player only'

Some/most of the replies were along the lines of...
'What network please?'
'Is this locked to a network?'
'What's the least you will take for the phone please'
'Is this a phone as well as an mp3 player ?'
And today, 3 weeks after we quickly sold them.....
'Is the Galaxy phone still available ?'

, you gotta wonder sometimes

 

[Rezillo]

Conversely, Mrs R has an old Galaxy S2 phone which, with its sim card removed, network and data services disabled and most apps removed from the homescreen, makes a great mp3 player for her to use for her keep-fit classes.

 

[gbb]

I was minding a contractor yesterday, we were just chatting, me making sure everything went smoothly for him and us..
He asked...
'You ex-services ?'
'No, but you'd be surprised how often I've been asked that'

Mum and dad both served in the Air Forces, something unseen must rub off.

 

[Crackle]

I thought I was grumpy but today put my mumbling grumpiness into perspective. Wife and husband shopping in Morrisons. He's obviously a bit deaf and I can see his hearing aids but his impatience and grumpiness was breathtaking.

Him: WHAT ABOUT THIS YOGHURT, IT'S A GOOD PRICE BETTER THAN THAT STUFF YOU NORMALLY GET?
wife: you're shouting a bit
Him: WOT?
wife: you're shouting a bit, Shouting a bit!
Him: Harrumph!
Wife: What did you buy already, you went shopping?
Him: I'M NOT GOING TO THROUGH IT CHAPTER AND VERSE NOW AM I, I'LL TELL YOU LATER

later at the checkout, he was some distance away..

Him: WHAT ABOUT THIS, I'VE GOT THE CODE, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME THIS CODE IS NO GOOD ARE YOU, BLOODY USELESS, I CUT IT OUT, IS IT GOOD?