Give me some dialogue from your day

[ColinJ]

Blimey, I hope after all that they selected the channel in HD...

Another "I can hardly tell the difference" viewer, but I make sure that my TV shows the HD version if available!

 

[perplexed]

"Mike, the rat is back in the ceiling".

 

[ADarkDraconis]

Me: Do you like your hot cocoa?

Three year old: Why yes, it is delightfully marvelous!

Me (with raised eyebrows): Well, I'm glad you like it! It isn't too hot for you?

Her: Nonsense, Mama! Now where is my magnificent spoon?


She has a varied vocabulary for being just three and she loves words. Later she told me that 'phones are for communicating with others.' Why yes, small human, yes they are.


Another one from her: Brachiosaurus was a land animal, it didn't swim under water. But what if it did?... It would need a special diving helmet!!! (She then took one of my jars from the end table that I put candles in sometimes and put it on her toy dinosaur's head.) Now she can see what's at the bottom of the ocean!

 

[Rezillo]

Ha ha!

As for remote control problems ...

Friend: I can't change the channel on the TV!

ColinJ: Yes, we are watching a channel on the TV, but you can't use the TV remote control to change the channel! I have explained it to you before, but to recap ... I do not have a TV aerial so I can't use the Freeview tuner in the TV. That is what is controlled by the TV remote control. I have a satellite dish which feeds a signal to the white Freesat box under the TV, which is what we are using to supply the channel that we are watching. So, you need to use the Freesat remote control to change channels. And before you tell me ...

More woe snipped

This is more or less the same problem I had with my elderly mother-in-law and her Sky box, except that she would start randomly pressing buttons where things didn't work and I would have to go out and fix it because she'd changed the inputs/aspect ratio etc. etc. She was quite happy with the Sky remote planner and recording but had no idea about what all the TV remote buttons did.

There are ways round this using TVs that switch on and off via hdmi when the STB is switched on and off but this had a farcical outcome too long to detail here.

In the end, we just ditched the Sky box and sub. A hunt for a TV with a built in Freeview recorder (i.e. one remote) proved fruitless. There were others that used a usb stick but only recorded the channel being watched.

 

[Profpointy]

That reminds me of a conversation that I had with a programmer 20-odd years ago. Someone he knew had programmed the PLCs controlling some big hoists in a carpet factory. The factory was about to be opened but the bosses wanted a demo of the machinery in operation first. All was going well, until a massive roll of carpet was to be lifted up by hoist which ran along a track in the roof of the building. Up it went, and then it started its journey towards the other end of the track. As it neared its destination, instead of gracefully slowing to a stop, it began a manic acceleration which culminated in the carpet roll hitting the gable end and demolishing it!

TBH, I don't know what actually happened next, but I like to think of the bosses standing there dumbstruck, while the programmer standing behind them mutters "Well, THAT was not supposed to happen!"

A proper programmer would have just said "turn it off and on again and we'll try it again"

 

[Profpointy]

Me: Do you like your hot cocoa?

Three year old: Why yes, it is delightfully marvelous!

Me (with raised eyebrows): Well, I'm glad you like it! It isn't too hot for you?

Her: Nonsense, Mama! Now where is my magnificent spoon?


She has a varied vocabulary for being just three and she loves words. Later she told me that 'phones are for communicating with others.' Why yes, small human, yes they are.


Another one from her: Brachiosaurus was a land animal, it didn't swim under water. But what if it did?... It would need a special diving helmet!!! (She then took one of my jars from the end table that I put candles in sometimes and put it on her toy dinosaur's head.) Now she can see what's at the bottom of the ocean!

Defective home made diving equipment is what made them extinct

 

[ColinJ]

A proper programmer would have just said "turn it off and on again and we'll try it again"

And the bosses replied ... "Okay, we'll do that after we have rebuilt the end of the factory!"

There are ways round this using TVs that switch on and off via hdmi when the STB is switched on and off but this had a farcical outcome too long to detail here.

I gave up trying to explain that the STB turns the TV on, but can't turn it off, and the TV turns the STB off, but can't turn it on!

What I'll do for my friend now is to leave the Freesat control in STB mode and get the old TV remote control out of storage for her to use.

 

[gbb]

Yesterday evening we had two of the grandkids and mum over for tea. After, I'm playing a game with Imogen (20 months) and a plastic dinosaur, pretending it's eating her tummy.
'Raaaar' as I tickle her outstretched tummy with the dinosaurs head.
'Adden' (this is her saying 'again')
'Raaar' (on her now deliberately outstretched tummy)
'Adden'
'Raaar'
'Adden '
'RAAAR

'Grandad......she won't sleep tonight ' said Imogens mum.
'Sorry '

 

[gbb]

My wife...
'Did you lose this ?' ...holding up my old trusty zefal frame pump
'Damnit, where was that ?'
'Patio, behind the sofa'
'Bugger, I brought a new pump, ...oh well'

I looked across at my bike with its shiny new Park Tools frame pump...damn it looks nice. Ahhh well

 

[Ming the Merciless]

"High speed traffic coming through"
"Probably true relative to us"

Encounter with some elderly ramblers in a country lane today, as I pass at running pace.

 

[colly]

"Al'right mate?"

"Yeah fine."

Man on bike to another man on bike as he overtook.
Me being the overtookee.

 

[NorthernDave]

In Tesco this afternoon

Mrs ND: Look over there, isn't that Malandra Burrows?
Me: Yes, it is.

 

[colly]

In Tesco this afternoon

Mrs ND: Look over there, isn't that Malandra Burrows?
Me: Yes, it is.

I would have been more impressed if it had been Mavis Scroggins.

 

[Dave 123]

James- have you ever had haggis?

Me- no, but I shot one once. Cor, did it squeal!

James- where?

Me- on holiday in Scotland. It looked a bit like the water vole we saved yesterday....

James-oh....

He notices me trying not to laugh

James- I’m NEVER asking you anything again!

 

[NorthernDave]

Who?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malandra_Burrows