Give me some dialogue from your day

[Crackle]

Mrs C: The aubergine in this is really nice.
Me: You can't have nice in the same sentence as aubergine.

 

[pplpilot]

Me to Mrs Pplpilot. > seriously, you do some stuff that drives me mad (as do I to you) but for fecks sake will you please tidy as you go in the kitchen? You have boiled a pan of pasta and stired in some sauce, how on earth have you managed to use 3 knives, 2 forks, four, four! Spoons, two side plates and a pair of scissors ?

 

[gbb]

Me to Mrs Pplpilot. > seriously, you do some stuff that drives me mad (as do I to you) but for fecks sake will you please tidy as you go in the kitchen? You have boiled a pan of pasta and stired in some sauce, how on earth have you managed to use 3 knives, 2 forks, four, four! Spoons, two side plates and a pair of scissors ?

I feel your pain

 

[ColinJ]

Could you please tell that to the selfish owner of the evidently horse-sized dog which is allowed to leave crap on the pavement outside my house and that of my neighbour! Today, for the 3rd time in about a month there were mounds of the damn stuff out there ...

I feel my veneer of civilisation slowly being stripped back by this. If I catch the owner walking away from another steaming pile of sh*t from their hound I would find it hard to resist the impulse to drag them back and force them into it!

And yet again today ... I managed to avoid treading in it this time, but somebody else hadn't!

I have started to notice a pattern, like those Strava heat maps that show where cyclists have been riding a lot. There is similar crap on the pavements in a rectangular block of streets around here. I suspect that the dog owner is walking out of his/her front door, dragging the beast away from their house and then letting it dump anywhere else that it pleases. If this goes on long enough I will probably be able to work out where they live, because it will be the only local house WITHOUT crap outside it!

It is bad enough that they don't pick the stuff up, but they can't even be bothered to get the dog to dump on the road about 3 feet away. My front door opens straight out onto the pavement and they let it drop its load 6 inches in front of my door.

 

[srw]

Mrs C: The aubergine in this is really nice.
Me: You can't have nice in the same sentence as aubergine.

Roast them till black and squidgy over a flame, strip off the most burnt bits of skin and mash with oil and seasoning.


Mmmmmmm.

 

[MossCommuter]

Roast them till black and squidgy over a flame, strip off the most burnt bits of skin and mash with oil and seasoning.

...and then throw them away

 

[gbb]

A frstrating day, unrewarding, just full of Grrrr, , I'm supposed to disinfect 90 water outlets with precious little instruction of how and a total mismatch of the result expectancy against what will actually occur.
Me to my manager (who I respect immensely 90 % of the tme)
'Am I supposed to be disinfecting the taps or descaling them, or both ?'...because this stuff isn' moving the scale'
'I assumed it did both'
'No, it's discolouring the chrome if i leave it too long...and it's not even touching the scale'
'Hmmm, not sure then'
'Right oh, I'm leaving it for now then otherwise I'm just going to have to do it all again. Get me some descaler...but I shouldn't even have to do that...im doing the cleaners job then....plus there are so many people about I can't even turn round without some pillock barging past the no entry signs'

So I wasted bout 2 hours achieving nothing this morning.

Later, at home I have a blocked drain just outside the house. Not foul water, but sinks and bath drainage, I suspect 'someone' has been putting fat down the sink.
I have drain rods and a pressure washer and 'someone' is desperate to help.
Me, at various stages...
'No it' no good putting hot water down there, it'll make as good as no difference.'
Despite this, she still ran the hot tap for about a minute. By the time that hit the blockage, it would have been lukewarm at best.

'Noooo, don't pressure wash towards the front door, point it away, you'e getting water in the house'
,Baby, leave that, let's get the drain sorted before starting something we weren't even going to do'
'You've put a whole bottle of washing up liquid down the drain havnt you?'
'I could have told you a bottle of drain cleaner from the local DIY shop (£7) wouldnt even touch the sides'

If I was frstrated before, I was even more so when one of the thin drain rods snapped, leaving one down there, out of sight as far as I can see.
Thank heavens it' not the toilet pipes, it'd block up..guaranteed.

 

[Maverick Goose]

Roast them till black and squidgy over a flame, strip off the most burnt bits of skin and mash with oil and seasoning.


Mmmmmmm.

Maybe do that with the dog owners in Tod , Colin?

 

[ColinJ]

I have started to notice a pattern, like those Strava heat maps that show where cyclists have been riding a lot. There is similar crap on the pavements in a rectangular block of streets around here. I suspect that the dog owner is walking out of his/her front door, dragging the beast away from their house and then letting it dump anywhere else that it pleases. If this goes on long enough I will probably be able to work out where they live, because it will be the only local house WITHOUT crap outside it!

It is bad enough that they don't pick the stuff up, but they can't even be bothered to get the dog to dump on the road about 3 feet away. My front door opens straight out onto the pavement and they let it drop its load 6 inches in front of my door.

Good news - there isn't a huge stinking mound 6 inches from my front door today!

There are 2 but they are at least 6 feet further along the pavement ...

 

[gbb]

My wife...
'Awww, that was the last Call the Midwife last night'

I tried to hold it in but....
'Wahayyyyyy'

A stern look followed

 

[gbb]

I'm tasked with two jobs, both pest prevention, pest proofing bits of a fairly new factory from a recommendation list from the auditor.
Both jobs are 6ft from each other, one is to fill a gap In the cladding with silicone sealant. The hole is too big to do it in one go so I'm doing it in two applications. The other is to seal some service pipes with expanding foam.

The two ladies from compliance team are walking around verifying other stuff, my two jobs are on their list as well.

'There's still holes in that cladding'
'I know'
'But you can' leave it like that'
'I'm not, I hadn't finished yet..im letting that dry then applying some more'
'Oh...ok'

She then turned to the other job, 6 ft away...
'You'e left all stuff and tools in that cupboard and there s all plastic sheeting that needs tidying up' (I've lined the pipe with some plastic sheet then filled it with expanding foam so should anyone need to get into the pipe, the plug of foam will pull out easily)
'I know, I havnt finished yet, the foam needs to set then I will trim all the plastic back''
'But what about all the tools in there'
'I hadn't finished yet...the tools are for doing these two jobs...which I will be finishing in the next hour'
'Oh....ok'

Gotta love em

 

[srw]

On checking out from a hotel, at the desk next door: "I've left my key in the room, because I'm a spy."

She was, too.

 

[swee'pea99]

"I just finished making a mix tape."
"...a CD?"
"No - a tape."
"Oh for heavens sake..."

 

[Vantage]

Erin: "Daddy, what does it mean if a boy asks me did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Is he hitting on me?"

Me: "Yep. He thinks you're gorgeous. He's right."

My 11 year olds first boyfriend is suave

 

[MikeG]

"Mike, the rat is back in the ceiling".