Give me some dialogue from your day

[gavgav]

Conversation at work today.

One girl is telling us about her “omen” overnight. She’d seen a crow above the stables where her horses reside, when tending to them last night and when she went down to them this morning, said crow was dead on the floor! Super moon and all that.

Another lady pipes up, “it’s amazing more birds don’t just drop dead from the sky. They do tend to, you know, fly about a bit”!!!!

Cue .

Slight understatement there!

 

[gbb]

Me to Deyem, machine operator.
'You don't need to have the temp at 205 degrees bud, 160 is fine and just increase the weld time 1/10 second. It'l be fine, having it too hot causes problems and lengthens tooling changeover times'
'But I reduced the time to 0.1 second so it's faster'
'0.2 seconds makes as good as no difference, it's better not to have the machine too hot and it'll only be a tiny bit slower...youll never know the difference'

So I changed the settings and saved them.

Today I've gone back...205 degrees, 0.1 second weld time ...'

I go into admin and can track what he's been changing and that's only the tip of an iceberg. Many setting changed...in all areas of the machines operation.

Access levels levels go from 1 to 6 via your own access cards.
He should be level 3 but seems to have 'aquired' level 5. That needs investigating in itself.
I have level 6 and can modify everything, including access levels for different cards...he doesn't realise, but soon will, he's now demoted back to level 3 , where he should be.

 

[Threevok]

Boss To colleague "That's a big watch you've got on"

Me to Boss "Yes, he's got a lot of time on his hands"

 

[s7ephanie]

Leave ! Sit ! No ! pee pee ! out ! as you can see i have very long conversations with the 2 little monster xxx

 

[Dave 123]

Mrs Dave's sister. "how the bloody hell have you been upgraded to a suite?"

We just smiled.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Fancy another?
Yes please

 

[ColinJ]

This morning I was wandering round the local Morrisons with a friend, and we were being bombarded by Christmas Muzak on the store's PA system ...

PA: It'll be lonely this Christmas, without you to hold ...

[Time passes. Slowly.]

PA: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ...

[Time passes. Slowly.]

PA: I'm dreaming of a white Christmas ...

[Time passes. Slowly.]

PA: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart ...

[Time passes. Slowly.]

PA: Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel ...

ColinJ, to friend: Oh, FFS - he keeps singing that there is no 'ell, but there IS and THIS is it - effing 'ell on Earth!!!!

Friend, chortling: Ha, ha, ha!

 

[Lullabelle]

A conversation with my dad yesterday

Dad: sorry I sound a bit odd, I don't have my teeth in
Me: ok
Dad: don't worry I will pu them in when I come over
Me: hope so, I am not going to puree your dinner
Dad: fair enough

 

[gbb]

Daughter has dropped in...im just preparing to wash my car. We exchange pleasantries and I head off out the gate ( I have to walk 30 yards to the road here, I can park in two different roads , one out the front door, one out the back, the distance is the same)
10 minutes later I walk back in the back for clean water and my daughter looks at me....
'was your car parked out back ?' (Where she's parked and I've just been)
'No , mine's out the front....i just washed yours '
Daughter fist pumps...'Yesss ...i was going to go get it washed this morning '

 

[Profpointy]

Me: "they didn't have those mixed boxes of crackers, so I bought a combination of chedars, ritz, proper crackers instead"
Mrs Pp: "why have you bought more crackers; we've loads already"
Me: "well they were on the list"
Mrs Pp: "you must have misread. What have you missed off instead?"
Mrs PP "ah no, we needed xmas crackers !"

No doubt I'll be sent out to buy four candles next

 

[gbb]

Having endured the Eastenders farcical robbery storyline I turned to my wife....
'Sorry duck, but that was THE most sorry (mild expletive deleted) load of old tosh I've seen since that bl00dy Emmerdale funeral load of old tripe the other night.....nevermind going to jail for robbery, they deserve to get put down for poor acting, poor writing and poor judgement...i mean who the (mild expletive deleted) thought THAT was a good storyline, it belonged on kiddies tv'

'Yeah yeah yeah , i knew you'd start the minute it was finished ' replied my wife.

Dear God

 

[gbb]

I'm mentally shutting down as my shift draws to a finish, my mind has moved onto what's to eat when I get home...i announce to my colleagues at tea break....
'That's it then, home made Chinese curry for tea tonight, with a couple beers ,
Before they had a chance to answer it dawned on me...
'Noooo, i havn't got any defrosted chicken '...'oh well, so much for that idea '

Later I'm at my wife's friends house fitting an electric fire for her as a favour. At some stage my wife announced mockingly...
'He's (me) cooking tea tonight, we're going to have curry'
Me..
'Have you defrosted any chicken ?'
Wife..
'Yup, did it this morning for you'
Me...
'Yay '

What a coincidence

 

[colly]

I'm mentally shutting down as my shift draws to a finish, my mind has moved onto what's to eat when I get home...i announce to my colleagues at tea break....
'That's it then, home made Chinese curry for tea tonight, with a couple beers ,
Before they had a chance to answer it dawned on me...
'Noooo, i havn't got any defrosted chicken '...'oh well, so much for that idea '

Later I'm at my wife's friends house fitting an electric fire for her as a favour. At some stage my wife announced mockingly...
'He's (me) cooking tea tonight, we're going to have curry'
Me..
'Have you defrosted any chicken ?'
Wife..
'Yup, did it this morning for you'
Me...
'Yay '

What a coincidence

Just as well your Mrs is on the ball.

 

[ColinJ]

" "

(Unless one of my sisters phones me, today is likely to be dialogue-free! I did talk to myself a few times but when I found myself asking myself if I were talking to me, I thought it better to shut up! )

 

[gbb]

Hi, is David there please ?
No sorry, he's out .
Ok, can you give him a message please.
Yes, of course.
I'm Mrs ☆☆☆☆☆☆ son, hes called at mums again today and again, shes fallen over AGAIN after his visit. She broke her hip last time and has only just come out of hospital. Please thank him for his concern and help in the past but he's upsetting her and she doesn' need any gardening doing so please ASK him NOT TO CALL AGAIN.

Oh , ok.

Thanks, but remind him, please DO NOT CALL AGAIN.


Some context.
He's been her pop in gardener, and a few other folks on the complex she lives on for years. He' a bit of a chancer IMO, probably topping up his benefits with little stuff on the side but he hasn' been doing any work for mum for months and months then turned up just before Xmas, for a tip in all probability. Mum knew it for what it was but got stressed getting rid of him and fell just as he was leaving, breaking her hip.
Today' visit, as soon as he came through the door (my son who was visiting didn't know the exact details and let him in)...mum said 'David, GO please, GO away which he did tbf but she fell again shortly after, thankfully nothing damaged.

I won't be so polite if he visits again.