Give me some dialogue from your day

[TVC]

Him : "My favourite of their's is the cuckoo one"
Her: "I don't think I know that one"
Him: "I'm sure you do, y'know it sort of goes do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, de-de-de-de-der-de-de. o-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, I'm a cuckoo"
Her :
Him: "C'mooooon.... do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, de-de-de-de-der-de-de. o-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, cuckoo"
Her:
Him: "You MUST know it; do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, de-de-de-de-der-de-de. o-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, you're a cuckoo"
Her: "No, I don't think I have heard that one before"
Him: "do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, de-de-de-de-der-de-de. o-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, do-do-doo-d-do, cuckoo"

One of my favourites too

 

[jhawk]

"I'm so, so sorry."

Had to console a poor woman after her dog was hit by a car. The dog broke it's chain in three places as I rode past their house, there was a car coming the other way and bam. I heard the impact, turned around - I thought the bumper had come off or something and then the saw the dog. Gone. Broken neck. Brought back some really hard memories of when Akaya was hit by a car and fractured his pelvis. Made me realise how lucky I am that he's still here.

 

[gbb]

We have a flower packing section at work, every now and then you can buy bunches of flowers for next to nothing when there's a surplus...today was a flower sale day...
Colleague...'Nah, I don't need to buy any, I havnt upset the girlfriend lately '
I replied...'Best you don't tell HER that '

 

[gbb]

"I'm so, so sorry."

Had to console a poor woman after her dog was hit by a car. The dog broke it's chain in three places as I rode past their house, there was a car coming the other way and bam. I heard the impact, turned around - I thought the bumper had come off or something and then the saw the dog. Gone. Broken neck. Brought back some really hard memories of when Akaya was hit by a car and fractured his pelvis. Made me realise how lucky I am that he's still here.

Its a lottery (the result of something like that)
One of mine was off the lead on scrub land, he chased a rabbit, straight into a road nearby...BANG.
Oh Jesus...I ran to find him, dog is galloping away, howling like a banshee, car is stopped .
The guy climbed out and said..i'm so sorry, I couldn't stop' I accepted the blame of course, it was my fault, we looked at his car and there was a head shaped dent in his bonnet ...he wasn't bothered, it was an old car and I think he felt terrible and said go find your dog.
I ran....and ran, he was nowhere to be seen...oh fcuk...I ran home, about 1/2 mile away, there he was, shaking like jelly by the front door, head bloodied but generally ok after a checkup at the vets.
He never got out his basket for the whole of the next day bless him.

 

[jhawk]

Its a lottery (the result of something like that)
One of mine was off the lead on scrub land, he chased a rabbit, straight into a road nearby...BANG.
Oh Jesus...I ran to find him, dog is galloping away, howling like a banshee, car is stopped .
The guy climbed out and said..i'm so sorry, I couldn't stop' I accepted the blame of course, it was my fault, we looked at his car and there was a head shaped dent in his bonnet ...he wasn't bothered, it was an old car and I think he felt terrible and said go find your dog.
I ran....and ran, he was nowhere to be seen...oh fcuk...I ran home, about 1/2 mile away, there he was, shaking like jelly by the front door, head bloodied but generally ok after a checkup at the vets.
He never got out his basket for the whole of the next day bless him.

Yep, definitely agree. Lottery. This dog scared the sh!te out of me the first time I rode past. He was out barking his arse off at me and running up near the bike. I stopped and the woman came out to get him and bring him back inside. It's sadly ironic, as I was going to make a point of telling her to make sure he was secure - if such a thing happened again, more out of fear for this exact thing happening, than my own safety. Feel really sorry for the poor woman. Thought "Maybe if I'd have left five minutes later" a couple of times since.

 

[gbb]

The wife n myself are at my mums, ive made a cuppa.
Mum..'ooh, that's a nice cuppa'
Me....'I know, I always make nice tea' (with a smirk)
Wife..kicks me lightly in the shin.
'Whassat for' with mock indignation.
'You know EXCACTLY what for'
'Whaaa, all I said was...'
Mum chimes in...'Debra sometimes makes my tea'
me....'Yeah, she can make tea '
Wife kicks me lightly in the shin again..
'Whaaa'

 

[Drago]

Old bloke passing by my house - "That's a nice truck"

Me - "er, thanks"

Old chap - "I had one of those HiLux's too. Did 400,000 miles"

Me - "It's not a HiLux..."

 

[Mandragora]

Ticket seller: That'll be £15.95 for her entry please.
Me: Whaaaaa..... it says on that big noticebaord over there: 'Child ticket £11.95'
Ticket seller: No. She's not a Child. She's over a metre tall. That means she's Individual, not Child.
Me: Whaaaaa???? She's FOUR YEAR OLD!!! Cute as a button I admit, but, still. Look at her. Go on, look at her, and tell me that when you look at her, you don't think 'That's a child that is. That's a little girl.' How can she not be a child??????'


Conversation today at our local 'theme park', where an OAP gets a cheaper entry ticket than a four year old, because a four year old doesn't qualify as a child.

 

[Cubist]

We recently inherited my mum's long case clock. It just struck 9 o'clock.

Cubette, with a completely straight face: I've just realized it strikes the same number as what time it is.
Me. "have you shared this monumental revelation with anybody else?"
Cubette:"no..."
Me :"Do me a favour, keep it to yourself...."

 

[jhawk]

We're out in the city for the day, Dad and I. He's been trying to be funny/embarrassing all day... Especially when there are women around. He sees a group of girls approaching our location...

Dad: "I'm going to play a little game..." (Alarm bells should've rung by now and I should have bolted and denied all relation to him, alas, they did not).

Me: "You're what?" *Spots the aforementioned inbound group of girls.* "No. Don't you dare..."

They get closer. Dad waits till they're in earshot.

"We're going to play a little game of... 'Have you met Jack?'" *He then disappears. Leaving me helpless...

"Erm. Hi..."

I hate him sometimes.

 

[welsh dragon]

My grand daughter was telling me about the money she had spent online over the weekend.

Grand daughter. "Then I went onto the Ann Sumers website. I wanted some underwear. Honestly gran, i had no idea they sell toys and stuff like that. They had one toy that I think was called a romping bunny?"

Me. "Errr no dear. I think you'll find that isn't what it was called".

 

[Profpointy]

We recently inherited my mum's long case clock. It just struck 9 o'clock.

Cubette, with a completely straight face: I've just realized it strikes the same number as what time it is.
Me. "have you shared this monumental revelation with anybody else?"
Cubette:"no..."
Me :"Do me a favour, keep it to yourself...."

if you fiddle with the little lever that hangs down just below the works, you can get it to chime a different number than the time - that'll confuse her

 

[jhawk]

Me, speaking to the little mutt, having just got back from my ride: "Hello Dave! Did you miss me while I was away? Did you hang my picture on the wall?"

Dave gives me a blank look, Dad rolls his eyes.

 

[howard2107]

An old RAF tale.

I took my place in the annual Air Officer Commanding Parade at RAF FInningley. This is a big event, the biggest and most important annual parade of the year, and i mean big and important beyond belief.

So as the AOC makes his way down the line towards me, he stops at a brand new first posting Leading Aircraftsman, who has just come straight from training as a Cook, and he has been with us for about two weeks, that was the gist of the conversation between the lowest ranked person, and a rank somewhere near god.

I heard the AOC ask the lad "Did you come to Finningley directly from RAF Cosford" (he was asking if this was his first posting), the lads reply stood bolt upright to attention "No your majesty, i changed at Birmingham New Street and Sheffield, then got a bus from Doncaster". I nearly peed my pants, and he got a few beers bought for that one.

It still bring tears to my eyes nearly 30 years on, and its a tale i have told thousands of times.

Cheers..............Howard

 

[jhawk]

An old RAF tale.

I took my place in the annual Air Officer Commanding Parade at RAF FInningley. This is a big event, the biggest and most important annual parade of the year, and i mean big and important beyond belief.

So as the AOC makes his way down the line towards me, he stops at a brand new first posting Leading Aircraftsman, who has just come straight from training as a Cook, and he has been with us for about two weeks, that was the gist of the conversation between the lowest ranked person, and a rank somewhere near god.

I heard the AOC ask the lad "Did you come to Finningley directly from RAF Cosford" (he was asking if this was his first posting), the lads reply stood bolt upright to attention "No your majesty, i changed at Birmingham New Street and Sheffield, then got a bus from Doncaster". I nearly peed my pants, and he got a few beers bought for that one.

It still bring tears to my eyes nearly 30 years on, and its a tale i have told thousands of times.

Cheers..............Howard

Hilarious! How did the AOC take it?