Give me some dialogue from your day
- Thread starter Crackle
- Start date
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Cheddar George
oober member
- Location
- Location: Location
I was owed some money recently and got paid back in four £50 notes. Paying for our share of meal with friends one was snatched out of the money pile to be examined by the whole table "whats that ?, where did you get that ? You don't get those from a cash machine !"
The second was used for a round of drinks, similar interrogation from another set of friends and a double take from the girl behind the bar.
I paid the other two into the bank.
SteCenturion
I am your Father
- Location
- The Dark Side of the Moon.
Not from today but...
Last week we headed out to Drayton Manor as a surprise for our 2 yr old girl (Thomas Land is there).
The journey was a bit of a 'mare...
6000 live chickens & 1 artic' had a meeting with the central reservation on the M62 affecting everything in every direction inc the M6 we needed to use, but I digress.
We had set off from our bijou abode in Greatest Manchester towards Drayton near Tamworth which I believe lies in Warwickshire County.
2 hours in & my fiancee' (spelling ?) pipes up...
OH. "Are we going further North"
Me.
OH. "Cause the clouds are getting darker & it looks like it might Pee down any minute"
Me. "Did you really just say that" ??
OH. "Well, we can't be going down, with this weather".
(Never North or South, just up or down)
Me. "Where do we live" ??
OH. "Manchester".
Me. "Which is where" ?
OH. "The North".
Me. "Where's Birmingham" ?
OH. "The Midlands".
Me. Hooray,
so which way are we travelling" ?
OH. "I don't know, I'm no good at geography".
Me. "You could never tell".
Car journeys eh, should be added to 'the most stressful things you can do' list.
Last week we headed out to Drayton Manor as a surprise for our 2 yr old girl (Thomas Land is there).
The journey was a bit of a 'mare...
6000 live chickens & 1 artic' had a meeting with the central reservation on the M62 affecting everything in every direction inc the M6 we needed to use, but I digress.
We had set off from our bijou abode in Greatest Manchester towards Drayton near Tamworth which I believe lies in Warwickshire County.
2 hours in & my fiancee' (spelling ?) pipes up...
OH. "Are we going further North"
Me.
OH. "Cause the clouds are getting darker & it looks like it might Pee down any minute"
Me. "Did you really just say that" ??
OH. "Well, we can't be going down, with this weather".
(Never North or South, just up or down)
Me. "Where do we live" ??
OH. "Manchester".
Me. "Which is where" ?
OH. "The North".
Me. "Where's Birmingham" ?
OH. "The Midlands".
Me. Hooray,
so which way are we travelling" ?OH. "I don't know, I'm no good at geography".
Me. "You could never tell".
Car journeys eh, should be added to 'the most stressful things you can do' list.
Cheddar George
oober member
- Location
- Location: Location
Aye, two blokes ............ and some bird on the back.
Maverick Goose
A jumped up pantry boy, who never knew his place
- Location
- A champagne supernova in the sky
Overheard outside Anchor Inn, Seatown...
''You don't want to ruin the line of your shorts''
''or your Speedos''
''Smuggling budgies''
''You don't want to ruin the line of your shorts''
''or your Speedos''
''Smuggling budgies''
jhawk
Veteran
- Location
- New Brunswick, Canada
"Your grandmother just took a selfie..."...
IDMark2
Dodgy Aerial
- Location
- On the Roof
No dialogue, just a small communication error...
Lovely day, dog is outside laid out in the sun.
Me, in kitchen preparing snacks and drink for ride later.
Want to walk dog early so I can get going, so I give the 'We're going for a walk now' whistle...
As expected, the dog is pretty pleased about this and is barking enthusiastically
Me, in kitchen, wonders why he hasn't appeared yet, give the whistle again, holding out lead ready..
Dogs barking has a louder, more urgent and desperate edge to it so I walk out through the dining room and lounge and can now see the problem.
The lounge window is open so we can hear each other perfectly well, unfortunately the back door has blown shut so the dog is outside in the garden going absolutely bloody scatty for going for his walk but unable to come in for it...
.
Lovely day, dog is outside laid out in the sun.
Me, in kitchen preparing snacks and drink for ride later.
Want to walk dog early so I can get going, so I give the 'We're going for a walk now' whistle...
As expected, the dog is pretty pleased about this and is barking enthusiastically
Me, in kitchen, wonders why he hasn't appeared yet, give the whistle again, holding out lead ready..
Dogs barking has a louder, more urgent and desperate edge to it so I walk out through the dining room and lounge and can now see the problem.
The lounge window is open so we can hear each other perfectly well, unfortunately the back door has blown shut so the dog is outside in the garden going absolutely bloody scatty for going for his walk but unable to come in for it...
.
marknotgeorge
Hol den Vorschlaghammer!
- Location
- Derby.
You've had your breakfast. It was me that gave it you...
(or words to that effect...)
(or words to that effect...)
SatNavSaysStraightOn
Changed hemispheres!
- Location
- ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ 'ɐɹɹǝquɐƆ
on the phone to my mother... for the 5th time today...
Mum: you are coming over at the weekend
Me: yes, on the bikes.
Mum: Oh good because Patrick needs help inflating his inflatable
Me:
Mum: oh ha ha very funny...
Mum: you are coming over at the weekend
Me: yes, on the bikes.
Mum: Oh good because Patrick needs help inflating his inflatable
Me:
Mum: oh ha ha very funny...
Octet
Veteran
on the phone to my mother... for the 5th time today...
Mum: you are coming over at the weekend
Me: yes, on the bikes.
Mum: Oh good because Patrick needs help inflating his inflatable
Me:
Mum: oh ha ha very funny...
What if she's serious?
SatNavSaysStraightOn
Changed hemispheres!
- Location
- ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ 'ɐɹɹǝquɐƆ
What if she's serious?
too soon in his relationship with me as my step-father... I have only known the guy 6 years!
And I will be taking reinforcements in the form of my husband...
Driving into work this morning, stopped at a set of lights, bimbo (too much make up and big hair) in Fiesta pulls along side gets out and starts having a go -
Bimbo - Don't f'ing flash your lights at me you w'nkr, im doing the speed limit!! it cocks like you ... bla bla yadda yadda rage rage...
Me - I didn't flash my lights... (knowing what has happened i'm playing it cool and letting her dig herself deeper)
Bimbo - Yes you f'ing did! just back there...
Me - As we came under the railway bridge?
Bimbo - yes! what the f'ck is wrong with you w'kers!! you're not happy unless you are doing twice the speed limit! rant rant etc..
Me - Under the bridge?
Bimbo - YES!
Me - This car has auto headlights that come on as the light drops, i'm hazarding a guess they came on as the light dropped under the bridge and went off again as we passed through the other side when the light level raised... giving the impression I flashed them at you.
Bimbo - (instantly realising) oh...
Sorry...
Me - Never mind. But why on earth did you decide to do your hair and make-up in the dark this morning?
Bimbo -
I drive off looking in my rear view at her stood in the middle of the road trying to comprehend my closing comment...
I can imagine the conversation with her work mates this morning -
' Tracie, does my hair and make-up look ok to you?'
'Yea Roxy, you look luverly'
Bimbo - Don't f'ing flash your lights at me you w'nkr, im doing the speed limit!! it cocks like you ... bla bla yadda yadda rage rage...
Me - I didn't flash my lights... (knowing what has happened i'm playing it cool and letting her dig herself deeper)
Bimbo - Yes you f'ing did! just back there...
Me - As we came under the railway bridge?
Bimbo - yes! what the f'ck is wrong with you w'kers!! you're not happy unless you are doing twice the speed limit! rant rant etc..
Me - Under the bridge?
Bimbo - YES!
Me - This car has auto headlights that come on as the light drops, i'm hazarding a guess they came on as the light dropped under the bridge and went off again as we passed through the other side when the light level raised... giving the impression I flashed them at you.
Bimbo - (instantly realising) oh...
Sorry... Me - Never mind. But why on earth did you decide to do your hair and make-up in the dark this morning?
Bimbo -
I drive off looking in my rear view at her stood in the middle of the road trying to comprehend my closing comment...
I can imagine the conversation with her work mates this morning -
' Tracie, does my hair and make-up look ok to you?'
'Yea Roxy, you look luverly'
Saluki
World class procrastinator
- Location
- ...Norwich over the water.
All this whilst grooming a large dog:
Customer: You play guitar don't you?
Me: errrr (wondering why she was asking)
Customer: Bryony says that you do.
Me: Umm, err
Customer: Are you any good?
Me: errr
Customer: Can you play as well as Liam Payne (whoever that is, I daren't google just in case)
Me: Never heard that name.
Customer: Could you play around a campfire with friends? That sort of thing?
Me: Yes but if you are looking for me to play like Vai you need a different guitarist
Cust: Who?
Me: Steve Vai. How about Joe Satriani? Heard of him?
Cust: Who?
Me: (large sigh) I suppose Malmsteen is out of your remit as well then?
Cust: Who?
Me: Look, just tell me why you are asking.
Customer: Could you teach me to play (names some song I haven't heard of) by Justin Beiber?
Me: Who?
Customer: Oh, you aren't really into music then.
Me:
Customer wanders off to the other room where I can here Take That being played.
Customer: You play guitar don't you?
Me: errrr (wondering why she was asking)
Customer: Bryony says that you do.
Me: Umm, err
Customer: Are you any good?
Me: errr
Customer: Can you play as well as Liam Payne (whoever that is, I daren't google just in case)
Me: Never heard that name.
Customer: Could you play around a campfire with friends? That sort of thing?
Me: Yes but if you are looking for me to play like Vai you need a different guitarist
Cust: Who?
Me: Steve Vai. How about Joe Satriani? Heard of him?
Cust: Who?
Me: (large sigh) I suppose Malmsteen is out of your remit as well then?
Cust: Who?
Me: Look, just tell me why you are asking.
Customer: Could you teach me to play (names some song I haven't heard of) by Justin Beiber?
Me: Who?
Customer: Oh, you aren't really into music then.
Me:
Customer wanders off to the other room where I can here Take That being played.
Lullabelle
Banana
- Location
- Midlands UK
The phone rang this afternoon
I answered as with my usual greeting
Lady on other end of phone: hello I was wondering if you can help me, I have a parking ticket and I...
Me: sorry can I stop you there, you have the wrong number, we are a transformer manufacturer
Lady: oh sorry,
Me: ok, no problem
A couple of hours later, another call from someone else
Lady: hello, I was wondering if you can help me, I have a parking ticket and I..
Me: sorry, can I stop you there, you are the second person today, we are a transformer manufacturer, you have the wrong number
Lady: oh, the number they gave is **** *******
Me: Yes that is our number, someone seems to have got their wires crossed
Lady: sounds like it, sorry to bother you, goodbye.
I answered as with my usual greeting
Lady on other end of phone: hello I was wondering if you can help me, I have a parking ticket and I...
Me: sorry can I stop you there, you have the wrong number, we are a transformer manufacturer
Lady: oh sorry,
Me: ok, no problem
A couple of hours later, another call from someone else
Lady: hello, I was wondering if you can help me, I have a parking ticket and I..
Me: sorry, can I stop you there, you are the second person today, we are a transformer manufacturer, you have the wrong number
Lady: oh, the number they gave is **** *******
Me: Yes that is our number, someone seems to have got their wires crossed
Lady: sounds like it, sorry to bother you, goodbye.
