Give me some dialogue from your day

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

My mother, step-father and I had just stepped out of the kitchen door into the garden yesterday...

Mum with her goofy mode on: "isn't that sweet, 2 sparrows fighting"
Me: "erm, no & no"
Mum: confused
Me: "I see a he sparrow holding down a she sparrow by the scruff of her neck..."
Step-father cutting me off mid-sentence: "Sheila, did your mother ever talk to you about the birds & bees?"
Mum: walking off...
Me turning to my S-F: "How my mother was ever a midwife I will never know"
S-F:

 

[gbb]

My colleague and I are surveying the scene across the pack house. Its a hive of activity, pallets here and there, people milling round, a scene of busyness...we're probably the only people not doing sometging at that moment. He used to work on the shop floor, he now works with me, looking after the machinery.
Colleague to me..
'I remember packing half a pallet of limes once..with the wrong date code on the label'
'I bet that went down well, a complete waste of an hours work '
'Yer, they werent very happy '
'Oh...i suppose thats why '...and even before i even finished my sentence, he sensed what was coming, a look of resignation grew over his face as i continued....
'thats why I ended up with you ...like, where can we stick the useless tw&t...i know, lets ship him off to the engineering department'
We both burst out laughing,
'I left the door open for that, didnt i '...he concluded.

 

[gbb]

An abridged version of a convo between my son and me...I was updating him about my dad who is in hospital, 84, becoming increasingly infirm, blind and with pulmonary fibrosis that leaves him now needing oxygen all the time, despite an apparently healthy life
'Your grandads really not well, and its only fair to let you know, if he has a heart attack, they dont recommend rescussitation'
'Why ? '
'Because his lungs are so bad, they cant take the stress and damage caused by rescussitation, it could well leave him in an even worse state'

A clean living gentleman, served his country for 30 years, travelled the world, gave us stories we could only dream of..struck down by the very life that made his life so rich. The only consolation is, his heart is strong so that scenario is unlikely.

 

[Arjimlad]

"You may have noticed that there is a little grey filing cabinet in the loo.
Sadly, I have to report that it does not house an alert dwarf-like creature specially trained to check the level of paper hand-towels after every use of the loo, and to get out some little steps and replenish the dispenser. In fact it contains nothing of the sort.
So, if we notice that we have used the last hand towel, or that they are running low, it falls to each and every one of us to please replenish them. A client might be the next person in and it would be poor service for them not to be able to dry their hands.
This job is not beneath any of us. "

 

[Scoosh]

"You may have noticed that there is a little grey filing cabinet in the loo.
Sadly, I have to report that it does not house an alert dwarf-like creature specially trained to check the level of paper hand-towels after every use of the loo, and to get out some little steps and replenish the dispenser. In fact it contains nothing of the sort.
So, if we notice that we have used the last hand towel, or that they are running low, it falls to each and every one of us to please replenish them. A client might be the next person in and it would be poor service for them not to be able to dry their hands.
This job is not beneath any of us. "

Print it out and post it in the loo.

'Job done' ... err, hang on ... 'solution found'

 

[Lullabelle]

At work today

5.50pm, the phone rang
Me: good morning ***
Guy on the other end of the line: erm... hello
Me: sorry, good evening, not sure what happened there
My colleagues:
Ooops

 

[gbb]

I'd just walked the dog Jake (aka 'peg') this morning. He got excited at the prospect, as usual, but once out, his nose is busy and he just does his thing, He knows the route, I know the parts where he will spend extra time sniffing. Back towards our front door, he'll have a last sniff and I'll say 'c'mon peg'..and in he will trot.
This morning, I approached the door, he's having his last sniff...I changed my mind and closed the door, started walking back up the street and said
'c'mon peg, we'll have another 5 minutes'

Dog replied with a...as he positively skipped up the road, excited and bouncing around in front of me.

 

[Arch]

Steve: So, who's covering today?
Me: Mel
S: oh. Was she in yesterday?
Me: Yes.
S: Has she got any better at working?
Me: Well, she got in at 8.
S: oh, right!

At 8.15

Me: so, that getting in on time thing hasn't happened then.

After the morning rounds

S: she's doing my head in!
Me: *thinks* yeah, why else would I choose to do the trike run and work on my own, and leave you to deal with her in the truck..

She isn't bad at the job exactly, just very slow and dreamy. There'll be a box wanting sorting, clearly visible, and she'll just stand there until you point it out. And she moves like she's wading through treacle...

I'll have to work with her tomorrow.

 

[Profpointy]

Watching 'Pointless' (Yes, I know), whilst having tea the other day. A question popped up about famous ships in history.

One was 'On which ship did Fletcher Christian instigate a mutiny against Captain Bligh?'

Mrs. Perplexed: 'I've seen the film Mutiny on the Bounty, but I can't remember the name of the ship...'

Me:

Who else immedialely thought "Monty on the Bonty"?

 

[PeteXXX]

My 6 yr old Granddaughter stayed last night. I finished work at 00:30 and home to bed at 01:30.

Conversation @ 06:45 when I heard her walking around on the landing:
"Granddad, are you awake?"
"I am now"
"Can we play dominoes please?"
"Can I wake up and have a cup of tea first please"
"We can play dominoes while you wake up if you want.."

Bless her...

 

[ufkacbln]

Sat in the pub......

Two women walked past

"Well the bulb would not fit into the lampshade..... If you know what I mean ?"

 

[Moon bunny]

In the health centre waiting room a woman started boring me "...my sister's daughter was on young muscian of the year...blah, blah, ...cousin is a lecturer at Oxford..."
Me, getting irritated, loud faux posh voice, "Well, some of my family have been in prison!"

 

[Arch]

To get out of the gate, our truck needs the door mirrors folding in and then back out so the driver can see the back end through OK. This morning, I'm driving, with Dopey Mel as passenger.

Me, folding my side in: Mel, can you fold your mirror in please?
Her: ok
me: and back out please!
Her: oh sorry, I'm still half asleep.
Me: half asleep isn't much good to us!

You know, I think she actually worked faster today...

 

[152l2]

Boss ; can you look at that email and tell me who owns each job? Its for the audit.
Me; All 400 of them !!! ???Not just the ones highlighted in yellow????? Are you sure??? That's going to take a while.

2 hours later my colleague and i are nearly finished when the phone rings.​

Boss ; Just to let you know its only the 9 highlighted in yellow ......................................................
Me ;

 

[jhawk]

The grandparents have just bought a new computer... Having been running Windows XP for years on their old one...

Me: "The Olds have just bought a new computer... They need help setting it up."

Dad: "Okay, no problem." - Logs on to their PC using LogMeIn or alternative Remote Access software... "Hahahahaha!"

Me: "What's so funny?"

Dad: "Oh dear... They've got Windows 8!"

Me: "."