Give me some dialogue from your day

[ScotiaLass]

Me: (playing on the iPad) Dammit!

Son: Hmm, playing Angry Birds are we?

Me: ( being sarcastic) Whatever gives you that idea?

Son: Well the shouts of 'dammit' and squealing pigs kinda gives it away.

That'll teach me.

 

[TVC]

Boss: As a thanks for your work in transfering the work from our London branch to here, I've added another £500 to your paycheck this month.

Me: Thank you.

 

[jhawk]

Me: Dave looks so sad!

Dad: Well, he's only got short legs, you should know what that's like!

Me: -.-

 

[surfdude]

today at bf a client was walking to give me a hand putting up tents . i had been eating prunes so dropped some on the grass. as they walked up to me
i said don't walk in the badger poo.
they said how did i know it was badger poo
. i picked it up and said felt like badger poo .
i then smelt and said it smelt like badger poo
then ate some and said it tasted like badger poo
their face and staff with them a picture .

 

[G3CWI]

"Do you have any maggots?"

Slightly odd woman I met while cycling on a canal towpath. She had found a bird that had fallen out of a nest.

 

[Maverick Goose]

''He's building another 70 ft tower''
''He's absoloutely mad...why doesn't he just concentrate on his painting?''

 

[jhawk]

Me: "Holy crap, I'll be 20 in a month and a half."

Dad: "If you make it that far..."

Me: (Struggling with a coat and hanger)...

Dad: "Well, look it look you this long to put a coat on it's hanger..."

 

[gbb]

Its quiet at work, everythings working so no breakdowns and my maintenance schedule is ahead of...schedule.
I walked over to a production area to have a chat..
Dawn to me..
'You busy ?'
'Flat out '
''Yeah ? , that'll be a first then '
'Swap jobs ?' ...i ask..'i fancy a cushy job like yours'
'No, i'll have yours, sitting down all day, drinking and eating'..shes getting 'gladitorial' now

My parting shot...
'Nah, you couldnt drink enough tea'...as i walked off

 

[gbb]

Me to the farmer..
'Bag of Piper please..'
'For chipping ?'
'Yep, but ive got to say, I much prefered your Victoria potatoes...shame you didnt do any this year'
'Ive got the seed for this next crop so you'll be ok'
'Excellent, I loved those potatoes'
'Yeah, quite a few people told me the same'

Potatoes, who'd think it was a conversation piece, but it was like eating velvet, then having to do with cardboard...so's to speak.

 

[surfdude]

me , Matt you woke me up 4 times last night shouting at your Xbox.
Matt , so
me ,so today i am going to turn the internet off 4 times at any time i feel like to so you know how annoying it was for me
Matt , so
me , i really do hate teenagers
Matt.so
me arrgghh. as i stomp off cursing all teenager gits

 

[Lullabelle]

My colleague: I am a WAG
Me: no you're not
Her: yes I am
Me: no, WAG means wives and girlfriends, you are his mother therefore you are not a WAG
Her: yes I am I'm a WAG
Still she refers to herself as a WAG
Yeah whatever

 

[perplexed]

Watching 'Pointless' (Yes, I know), whilst having tea the other day. A question popped up about famous ships in history.

One was 'On which ship did Fletcher Christian instigate a mutiny against Captain Bligh?'

Mrs. Perplexed: 'I've seen the film Mutiny on the Bounty, but I can't remember the name of the ship...'

Me:

 

[Crackle]

Me: "Do you have any sliced Pancetta"
Gormless assistant: "Over there, Parma Ham"
Me: "No that", pointing "but sliced"
GA: stares
Me: Seeing no spark of recognition, smiles "Never mind, it doesn't matter"

 

[Mad Doug Biker]

I felt a lot better today, although I still didn't intend to fall asleep again until about 6pm

 

[ScotiaLass]

Me: I need to replace my Crocs, the dog broke them

Son (13): Ha! You only wear Crocs if you want to stay a virgin!

Me: Erm, bit late maybe??

Son: Oh yeah <sniggers>.....unless you had an immaculate contraption....