Getting slightly creeped out by something

[Kirstie]

And business is business.
What has my marital status got to do with my business dealings? It has precisely nothing to do with it. And if I happened not to be married it would still have nothing to do with it!

Bringing my marital status into any discussion indicates a tacit acknowledgement of any 'advances'. I do not even wish to acknowledge this, and have indicated thus by refusing to entertain a notion of meeting up.

His behaviour is creepy and inappropriate. It would be so no matter what marital status I am!

 

[gavintc]

His behaviour is creepy and inappropriate. It would be so no matter what marital status I am!

I still think you are over - reacting to a guy on the pull. Telling someone you are married is a fairly normal rebuff.

 

[Crackle]

I still think you are over - reacting to a guy on the pull. Telling someone you are married is a fairly normal rebuff.

I don't get that. I mean, you'd take the trouble to find out first surely. You should also take what sounds like a fairly big hint. Plus Kirstie doesn't strike me as the kind of person who overreacts, probably the opposite in fact.

 

[Flying_Monkey]

I still think you are over - reacting to a guy on the pull. Telling someone you are married is a fairly normal rebuff.

I think Kirstie would rather not be hassled by men who think that any woman is up for it unless they are told otherwise. This is a business context too - there are professional standards.

 

[Kirstie]

This was a busines conversation, about business. Anything which is remotely suggestive is inappropriate in such a context. If a suggestive approach to someone is masked as a business approach, then it is just as inappropriate. It's also disrespectful, and creepy.

Generally speaking one's private life does not enter into business conversations with complete strangers!

 

[Brains]

Without reading the mails, to me this sounds like a bog standard sales situation. You are in the Business, so is he. He needs information or to flog (or buy) the things - I deal with people all day doing this (OK so I'm a 40 something year old bloke, as are most of the people trying to get information or flog me stuff),

At worst this is a bloke on the pull, in which case a message to say you can't do next week as you and the hubby and kids are on holiday, but if he wants to touch base the week after next you can see if it's possible to give him a 20 min window inbetween meetings.

If he is on the pull he will get the message. If he is trying to flog (or buy) stuff (or information) then he will go for the meeting option.

He might be Q from MI5 - and so interested in what you have to say.

 

[Crackle]

There can be an overlap though and sales people by their nature and what they do, tend to make attempts to get to know you. In my last job I had several who knew me well enough to ask about the family and just generally chew the cud. The sales bit almost came at the end as an aside. In the end you buy off those you trust.

 

[gavintc]

This was a busines conversation, about business. Anything which is remotely suggestive is inappropriate in such a context. If a suggestive approach to someone is masked as a business approach, then it is just as inappropriate. It's also disrespectful, and creepy.

Generally speaking one's private life does not enter into business conversations with complete strangers!

Point taken - I was trying to develop the argument from his perspective. That he finds you attractive and is dropping big hints for a date as a possible background/scenario to this unwanted, unwarranted attention. But, you are quite correct - a business relationship is a business relationship. I still think he needs a verbal slap in the face.

 

[Mr Pig]

What has my marital status got to do with my business dealings?

Nothing, but it's perfectly normal for people to talk about their lives during the course of business dealings. The way you are being so defensive about not doing so, and the fact that you are calling this guy's behaviour creepy when the details you've given us suggest he's only trying it on at worst, suggests to me that there's something a bit squint here.

If you'd told him you were married and he persisted in making genuine improper advances I might take you seriously. As it is I think you're in danger of causing a whole lot of trouble about nothing.

And why are you even discussing this with a bunch of strangers on an internet forum? I assume you've talked to your husband about it? Mentioning of course that you've done nothing to suggest to this guy that you were in a relationship and therefore not available...

 

[bonj2]

I think Kirstie would rather not be hassled by men who think that any woman is up for it unless they are told otherwise. This is a business context too - there are professional standards.

If there weren't any men who "think that a woman is up for it unless told otherwise" then the human race would die out. Fact.

 

[fossyant]

Why would he possibly try and sell a specialist bit of kit to the OU (it is the OU isn't it ?) - what's the need ? - can't think why any Educational Establishment would need something like that - deffo odd.....

 

[Moose]

I still think you are over - reacting to a guy on the pull. Telling someone you are married is a fairly normal rebuff.

I agree - I'm not sure if he's definately on the pull or not (sounds like it so far though) and if he thinks you're single then in his eyes you're 'fair game'.

Having said that, if you have rebuffed his advances more than once already then he should have got the message, marital status known or not.

If he asked again, I'd be honest and ask him right out, whilst pointing out you're only interested in the business contact and nothing else.

Also, to some men, your marital status wouldn't deter them anyway - fancy meeting up?

 

[Crackle]

Why would he possibly try and sell a specialist bit of kit to the OU (it is the OU isn't it ?) - what's the need ? - can't think why any Educational Establishment would need something like that - deffo odd.....

It does sound odd but then again, a contact is a contact and who better to spread the product word than someone dealing with surveillance in society, no matter what the context.

 

[Mr Pig]

deffo odd.....

Unless he's trying to get to know a woman he fancies, who he thinks is available, which is not odd at all.

 

[ComedyPilot]

There's only one person who knows what his intent is?

We are all (including Kirstie) none the wiser till he 'fesses up.

He's either

a) a (very) committed sales-driven gadge, eager to get on in business in these lean times, and sees nurturing a business relationship with Kirstie as one such avenue.

Or he's

a total lounge-lizard, looking to add Kirstie's notch to his already well-whittled Travellodge bedpost.

So he's either blind to how 'odd' his advances look and is ploughing on to further his business interests, or he's from the school of thought that adopts the mantra, 'She might be saying no now, but if I keep on she'll say yes'

Kirstie, do as the others say, drop subtle hints you're married into your conversations with him:

'........I really think the concept of an unmanned CCTV plane is the future, I was saying to my husband the other day, as we looked through our wedding photo album, and watched our honeymoon video......'

Something seamless like that ought to work.