Funniest football chants you've heard

[cisamcgu]

I saw my brother play at Deepdale, Preston North End's ground, for Everton reserves and that had an astro-style turf. My dad asked him if he preferred grass or astro-turf and he replied in all honesty, "I've never smoked astro-turf." Everton's loss when his career was ended, as you can imagine!

I think I've heard that joke before

 

[jay clock]

I like the Dutch one.... when the Germans invaded Holland, they confiscated all their bikes? Nowadays, when the Dutch beat the Germans at football, they still chant, "We hebben het fiets terug!" meaning, "We got our bikes back!"

 

[Kirstie]

I used to go to the odd Bolton Wanderers game a few years back, and there was a chant for every player. When they signed Mixxu Paatelainen, we were all wondering what people would come up with. And it was (to the tune of Euro dance classic No Limits)

Mixxu, Mixxu Mixxu, Mixxu Mixxu, Mixxu Paatelainen

..ad infinitum...

 

[PaulB]

Wigan had a good one on Saturday.

"We've won it two times,
We've won it two times,
The Auto Windshields,
We've won it two times."

 

[Alan Frame]

Wigan had a good one on Saturday.

"We've won it two times,
We've won it two times,
The Auto Windshields,
We've won it two times."

Shouldn't that be "twice" ?

"Two times" is what an unfaithful partner does.

 

[Danny]

Years ago a football player called Justin Fashanu came to play for Airdrie.

The chant was:

"He's black, he's gay, he plays for Air-di-ray, Fa-sha-noooo, Fa-sha-nooOOOO..."

Justin Fashanu was the subject of a lot of vicious taunting by football fans because of his race and sexuality; and was also on the receiving end of many homophobic stories in the tabloid press.

Partly as a result of all this he lead a troubled life and eventually committed suicide when he was only 37.

Hopefully the Airdrie fans were a bit less bigoted than those down in England.

 

[PaulB]

Shouldn't that be "twice" ?

"Two times" is what an unfaithful partner does.

Hey, am I responsible for what friggin' Wigan sing?

Actually, to explain the context, Liverpool have a song that goes, to the tune of Sloop John B, "We won it five times, we won it five times, In Istanbul, we won it five times" (yes, I do know it was only once, the fans are celebrating the fifth European cup victory though and surely that's worthy of note) and the Wiganers song is in response. Diggit?

 

[PaulB]

Justin Fashanu was the subject of a lot of vicious taunting by football fans because of his race and sexuality; and was also on the receiving end of many homophobic stories in the tabloid press.

Partly as a result of all this he lead a troubled life and eventually committed suicide when he was only 37.

Well that and the fact he was a paedophile who raped the teenage son of a family he was staying with in America. So let's temper our sympathy with that knowledge, shall we?

 

[Danny]

Well that and the fact he was a paedophile who raped the teenage son of a family he was staying with in America. So let's temper our sympathy with that knowledge, shall we?

This is rubbish.

An allegation of sexual assault was made by a 17 year old boy who Fashanu had spent a drunken evening with. While Fashanu was questioned by police he was never held in custody or charged with any offence, and the police later dropped the investigation because of lack of evidence.

However the press furore surrounding this incident drove Fashanu to take his own life.

There is more about Fashanu in Wikipedia.

 

[Greedo]

heard some Celtic neds/chavs depending where you come from walking down the street in Glasgow one night pi$$ed singing to the tune of Yellow Submarine by the Beatles

We all live in a Catholic housing scheme
The walls are painted green
we hate the f**king Queen

 

[marooncat]

Wasn't it something like

oooooohhh
posh spice is a slapper
she wears a big fat jewel
n when shes ****ing beckam
she thinks of harry kewil
ooooohhhh
posh spice is a slapper
she really isn't proud
n when she's ****ing beckam
she thinks of the leeds crowd

There are at least 20 verses or versions of verses I have heard to this one, (most of which I can not think of at the moment) but keeps the "singing" going for hours on bus trips on Scotland away games

 

[PaulB]

This is rubbish.

An allegation of sexual assault was made by a 17 year old boy who Fashanu had spent a drunken evening with. While Fashanu was questioned by police he was never held in custody or charged with any offence, and the police later dropped the investigation because of lack of evidence.

However the press furore surrounding this incident drove Fashanu to take his own life.

There is more about Fashanu in Wikipedia.

Ah, Wikipedia; that bastion of truth and enlightenment.

Here's another version of events from investigative journalist, Brian Deere.

DJ fell asleep. The other kid left. Time moved on to 2am.
Soon after, Fashanu seized his chance. He would not take rejection a second time.
At some dimly-lit level DJ knew what was happening. But his struggle to stop it failed.
Fashanu's power was briefly regained. The ex-star raped the boy.

 

[Danny]

As the police dropped the investigation, and Justin Fashanu is now dead, we will never know exactly what happened. However I think it is very dangerous to accuse someone of being a paedophile and rapist on the basis of press reports.

As I said in my original post Fashanu lead a very troubled life, and may well have done things of which none of would approve. However my original point stills stands, he was subject to an enormous amount of bigotry and prejudice from football fans and the tabloid press for being both black and openly gay, and this clearly had an impact on his life.

It is noticeable that no other footballers have ever felt able to come out - in large part because they are aware how Fashanu was treated.

 

[PaulB]

As the police dropped the investigation, and Justin Fashanu is now dead, we will never know exactly what happened. However I think it is very dangerous to accuse someone of being a paedophile and rapist on the basis of press reports.

he was subject to an enormous amount of bigotry and prejudice from football fans and the tabloid press for being both black and openly gay, and this clearly had an impact on his life.

It is noticeable that no other footballers have ever felt able to come out - in large part because they are aware how Fashanu was treated.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be revisionist or anything but I don't feel the highlighted areas can pass without comment.

Firstly, the boy he was arrested for raping (not a press report, an actual arrest) was 17 and apparently, powerfully built so perhaps the paedophile label doesn't bear scrutiny but Fashanu got him drunk and stoned and performed sexual acts on him, a minor, remember, before raping him while he was incapable. But people who are in the clear don't normally kill themselves so perhaps it was guilt that made him take this drastic action.

Secondly, I don't know if you go the match but I do and have been doing so since I was five and I don't think anyone was aware of his sexuality, certainly not during his days at the top. He was shamefully and disgustingly abused for his colour but so were lots and lots of players at the time, including his own brother and none of them killed themselves as a result.

Lastly, there are loads of present day footballers who are known to be gay and none of them are abused for it.

Some current players receive far more abuse now than Fashanu ever did and most of them emerge better men as a result so I don't believe the abuse he came in for had any bearing on his suicide.

 

[Rolling Thunder]

Fashanu allegedly got him drunk and stoned and performed sexual acts on him

Getting arrested for something does not make you guilty of it.