The Final Countdown - 3
Back to TimOgraphy, and the rocket-powered world of Lady Penelope. She was used to a pink 'roller' (but Ortlieb discontinued them alas...) and so, took to a bike. At first it was a challenge and then, as for so many of us, she learned how to Parker bike and have something to chauffeur a night in the saddle.
Claudine hatched a plan, albeit medieval, at the beginning of the week (It was a map o' Monday
) "Let's do something for Penelope...she's made it this far ('Penny' hadn't dropped...) Let's show her we care by offering her the ultimate gift for her birthday...our collective wit and wisdom!" (Could have been a small gift then, Claudine)
But persevere we did, and now Lady P is ensconced at the top table of cycling's finest. It was a big effort by Claudine, and only my ineptitude and liaison with a load of French guys in Soho for far too much coffee, ensured that panic set in before we all made an xhibit of ourselves. I don't remember a thing except falling over and sleeping on a pile of bubblewrap that night but it was a fine celebration of all that's quality.
So.
'We' - Claudine, made plans and a few rough ideas were thrown together. 'The Claud' was a hard taskmistress...but easily swayed by the offer of a drink - as many of you seeing her try to stand up will testify. However, back to the greetings. All cards start with a front, naturally. A glass of bubbly perhaps, or a picture of a vase of roses - as befits a tender female person...
We soon put that notion to bed. Then, open up the card to receive a succinct greeting with a hand-written testament to health and love etc... No chance. This was cycling's finest out to annhialate the visual and literary world as we knew it!
And then the eloquence begins...and ends after this feature.
Adrian, writing under his pen name ( "
Bic" ) wrote an excellent feature, showing just how beneficial water could be to the early-morning rider.
Then there were the cycling recipes -the usual sort of toot one finds inside a regular birthday card...(The recipes work by the way!)
Our very own 'Hatter' Adam D'Odo described a scintillating fashion show (he usually tries to wear one on rides but...)
We asked Rich P (at the time recovering from a hip operation - buttock implants - how hip could he get?), who is a renowned needleworker to run up a feature on cross stitch. Such was his deafness, he came up with an acrostic! Close but no cicada... And a few odd things thrown in for good measure (Not implying that a pic of Davy is odd - oh no!) Clive Baldwin added words and I sketched a bit.
And even agony featured. No, Vernon and his compulsory pie and absinthe sessions hadn't started by then - it was CycleChat's very own Jerome K (for Kebab) Jerome and his problem page...
There were even adverts. What sort of birthday card was this turning into? (The ad agency, 'Conway, Conway & Mumbles' should be proud of this - a Classic. OK they went cheap with the model but they got that 'vagrant' look spot on.)
And, finally, the sugary stuff that we all wanted in the first place!
And. That was it. Except for the back page, where Lady Penelope and her lover, Brains, were to be found discussing the prospects of movement to the right. (It had been a long hot day 'working through' a few things, obviously.)
Just one of the things that makes Friday Night Rides so awful. How bad have yours been?
Buy Claudine a drink if you like this - she did a lot!
, but some of us have work to do.
