yello, your wind measurement argument is ridiculous. Wind is measured by the speed at which the air is moving, not by the amount of weight it can move.
Likewise, I suggest 'a calorie' isn't an inherent property of a slice of bread. Not like you can analyse it's vitamin or mineral content. It's a reverse engineered description in relation to a supposed effect; that is, it will provide x calories worth of output energy.
No, the number of calories in the bread is the number of calories (in the form of stored chemical energy) that the bread contains. It isn't a vague figure; it's exact. You can even divide the calories up by the bread's nutritional breakdown - 1g of protein/carbohydrate = 4 calories, 1g of fat = 9 calories.
When you eat a slice of bread, the number of calories in the bread is the exact amount of energy you're putting into your body (unless you're messy and you drop crumbs, of course). Your body breaks it down and does a variety of things with it, but the amount of energy never changes.
1st law of thermodynamics - energy can never be created or destroyed, it can only change form