Depression. It's back.

[Kirstie]

This is a really accurate description. You are detached and everything is outside of your world but even though you notice it, you cannot interact with it and don't really want to.

Amen to that.

 

[wafflycat]

CBT does not work for me, it can add to the triggers for me.

The best solution I have found has been to really isolate myself during, so a trip to the desert or mountains, me and a horse or a motorcycle, but this country is no good for that, to many people, I function fine alone and after a few days it lifts completely, it is just not practical to do most of the time.

That's one of the downers (if you'll pardon the term) about depression - there's no one-cure-fits-all. There's so many different triggers and causes. Like migraine too - no one cure even though the docs, in my experience, try to insist the latest triptan will abort every migraine in the case of that illness.

 

[Charlotte_C+ :-)]

This is a really accurate description. You are detached and everything is outside of your world but even though you notice it, you cannot interact with it and don't really want to.

Thats very true. Ive been feeling like that for quite a few years, some days, like today, i just feel so weepy & just want to shut myself away & sleep. ive never been to the doctors about it, always felt to embarrassed thinking people will think im wallowing in self pitty.

But the only thing that seems to make me feel a little better is going for a bike ride some where or cycling to work......it feels like part of the darkness has been lifted afterwards, & i don`t feel so on edge. Just have to make sure i make myself get out there instead of getting a lift, because its very easy to not take the plunge when you dont feel like getting out the door let alone cycling, but its definitely worth it though.

Have also found that just being able to talk to someone about how i feel helps, even if its people i dont know that well. So im just very greatfull this thread is here to help people. So im sending lots of best wishes to every body!

 

[Riding in Circles]

Yes, talking about is does help, if mine gets really bad then the Doc puts me on a small course of serotonin inhibitors which gets me back into a place I can deal with the rest of it. A lot of it though is knowing where the depression started, mine is linked to a series of key events that hapenned 10-12 years ago so with that as a reference I have a marked advantage over someone else that cannot track it to a particular event.

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

keep going...this to shall pass...

I hav elearnt recently that things happen for a reason and that as a result of that change good happens. It will sound odd but I honestly believe God helps....talk to him in your head, nobody else can hear, but he will listen and tht will give ou strength...blimey hark at me...sound like a jehova or something...but seriously...when you are on your own (I mean psyhcologically) he can help...well thats what kept me going km after km in Germany and france this year. Loneliness isnt much fun, but god is a friend that comes without any baggage.

...I was pill free in France...first time in years...I hope I dont reach for the dreaded green/cream pills agin now I am back.

 

[purplemoon]

..depression can also manifest itself in periods of frantic activity...Go Go Go...compulsive behaviour and tunnel blick...(Blinkered vision...one way forward only...black and white no grey etc)...then crash...it all stops as suddenly as it started....I can get extremely compulsive bouts...sometimes I am really focused on something ...intensely so to the exclusion of everything else...then, suddenly I stop and the mood changes from bordering on euphoria to total despair sometimes. There is up & down, but very little if any level ....guess thats why i'm a cyclist

Are you Bipolar by any chance?

I think you've just described me to a tee

 

[piedwagtail91]

Thats very true. Ive been feeling like that for quite a few years, some days, like today, i just feel so weepy & just want to shut myself away

thats where i was at this morning, first time i've been caught in tears in public. had set everything up to overdose a couple of weeks ago, 100 dothiepin , and was going to post a final message on the century chat thread saying i wouldn't be doing anymore for health reasons.

unfortunately/fortunately i clicked the wrong link, ended up elsewhere with a pm form someone i'd been talking to all night. she sussed something was wrong when i said be good and look after yourself, along witha lot of odd messages from me all night, and i couldn't bluff my way out of it, she was all for sending the cops round, false alarm or not, so after an hour calling her every name under the sun i convinced her i'd given up on the idea. i was already knackered from the clubs 150 mile ride and this was 2 in the morning when she believed me.

i've got a good therapist who has helped me since but things were a bloody mess for most of today, until i got home from a bike ride. it does pass though, or so they tell me.

i'm surprised at the number of people who have posted on here with problems.

 

[wafflycat]

Just shows how 'normal' depression is. Well don't know if that's the correct choice of word - I know what I mean to say. Depression is very common, and it's a good sign IMO that more people are being open about suffering from it.

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

Are you Bipolar by any chance?

I think you've just described me to a tee

...I think thats the term yes...manic...whatever...it's all just labels. In July I took 12 days to ride/camp from bremen in Northern Germany to Basel in Switzerland...then I got home and crashed...but next thing I know I am back up again and blasting through France in 9 days to Montpellier...on those rides I was extremely compulsive, just focused intently on the destination...completly hyper I suppose...now I am back it's all down again...up down up down....but the good thing is I ditched the bloody pills, hopefully this time for good (although I have been here before a few times)....

...he says reaching for routes for the next ride...


...do you have similar swings?

 

[purplemoon]

...do you have similar swings?

Pretty much so, yes!

I can certainly identify with the compulsiveness (and impulsiveness too ) and that intense blinkered focus to the exclusion of all else action. I'm ok whilst I'm ploughing ahead like a steam roller with whatever project has taken my fancy, until something blocks my progress and that's it, over and finished and slung to one side, then back to complete inertia until the next high swing.

I just hope my newfound interest in cycling doesn't go the same way as this is something I'd very much like to continue with as part of my "life changing" process and not just a two-minute wonder hobby.

I must admit I'm struggling today to keep up the momentum having realised what a battle it is to find decent clothing in the right sizes in this country. I've even had one guy on the phone this morning say to me: "If you're above a size 14/16 then you're obviously too fat to be on a bike!"

I'm not going to let him put me off, although I am feeling rather depressed about it and think my only option is going to be to order stuff from the US and to hell with the cost

 

[ColinJ]

I've even had one guy on the phone this morning say to me: "If you're above a size 14/16 then you're obviously too fat to be on a bike!"

I'm not going to let him put me off, although I am feeling rather depressed about it...

When I bought my first (adult) road bike back in 1989, the salesman in the bike shop laughed at me when I told him that I was taking it home on the train because I couldn't face 25 miles in Greater Manchester's rush-hour traffic for my first ride.

Even more annoying - I weighed 16.5 stone at the time, hadn't ridden a bike for 20 years and live in a very hilly part of Yorkshire so I asked for the cassette to be changed to an easier one (the bike had 52/42 chainrings and a 12-25 cassette). He started laughing again and told me that a decent cyclist could get up anything in a 42/25 gear! He then related the story of how he'd once powered up a wet 25% cobbled climb in a Belgian road race using a 42/21 bottom gear. I nearly chucked the bike back at him, the arrogant, stupid tosser !

Despite his encouraging words, I kept the bike and am still riding nearly 20 years on. Don't let the bastards grind you down !

 

[Bigtallfatbloke]

"If you're above a size 14/16 then you're obviously too fat to be on a bike!"

the blokes a self-gratification artist...sorry but it's true. Forget him, just another one of life's peanuts, move on.

I think it's pretty well nown on this board that i had a weight problem. I weighed 21 stone, suffered from depressive illness and ME. I spent three years in a small room, almost never going out anywhere, just 'duvet diving' I think the quacks call it. Anyway...the bike was my salvation. 20 months later I weigh 14 stone 11lbs and have just ridden across most of Europe on a bike.

Cycling will break the cycle of weight gain/inactivity etc. years of dieting never worked, it's all a sales con for the diet industry. Fresh air, exercise first, then the diet will sort itself out as your body tells you what to eat etc.

Clothing...yep...I had similar issues with sizing...I still do to a degree. I had people yell at me from cars to get my fat arse off the road (and a lot worse). I had bike shop kids snigger when i looked at roadbikes, I was unable to get cycle cloths to fit so I had to ride in my normal day clothes which were uncomfortable and hot etc. I felt totally insecure and embarrassed on a bike for a long time. I ride in essex and the Chavvy scumbuckets there give no quarter to cyclists, especially fat ones!

...anyway...the point here is to try to help encourage you to carry on...never surrender...keep riding, every day if possible. Start with short rides and gradually increase the distances...ignore the idiots in their cars....they arnt as good as you, they are are just bullies and cowards, it takes guts to do what you are doing.

My approach was simple....nobody is going to change my life for me, i messed it up so i am going to fix it, and nothing is going to stop me. For the first time since I was 16 I can honestly say that i feel in good physical shape...there were (and still are pain barriers) but now most peopek I speak to are in awe of what i have done in terms of weight loss and riding the tours I have done.

The best thing about it is thjat it is actually very simple to achieve. All you need to do is get on a bike every day of your life and ride somewhere.

I wish you luck.

 

[purplemoon]

Wow, you've actually got me all choked up reading that! It sounds like we have rather a lot in common with the health and weight issues. I'm just emerging from a 5 year period of shutting myself away and doing the "duvet diving" thing you so brilliantly described

My weight has soared during this time and I've put on around 5-6 stone mainly due to the inactivity, meds and poor eating habits, although I did manage to lose a stone earlier this year having been diagnosed with diabetes but it's been slowly creeping back on again recently

I know I need to start making some positive changes in my life, starting with diet and exercise, but also to get back out there in the big bad world and start socialising with people again

It won't be easy, but then nothing good ever is and I'm certainly not going to let that idiot on the phone put me off. I'm determined to do this no matter how long it takes

I must say, having spent much of the morning reading various threads and posts around the forum, that I've noticed what a wonderfully supportive group of people you all are and I'm so glad to have found this place

Thank you so much for sharing your personal battles with me and congratulations on your fantastic achievements so far, I'm incredibly impressed

 

[piedwagtail91]

the blokes a self-gratification artist...sorry but it's true. Forget him, just another one of life's peanuts, move on.

seconded.ride whatever gears you like,whatever bike you like, wear whatever you like and if anyone doesn't like it tell them to "go forth and multiply" or even cruder if you like.
all that matters is that you enjoy what you are doing and to hell with anyone who tries to spoil it.
i started off on an mtb with slicks, everyone laughed, but i was still there at the end of rides, now i'm riding almost exclusively fixed because i find it relaxing, .why fixed in summer a lot ask , why not i reply.
there will always be people who "think" they know whats best for you, only you can decide what you like.stuff em

 

[purplemoon]

Despite his encouraging words, I kept the bike and am still riding nearly 20 years on. Don't let the bastards grind you down !

Good on you! As I just said in my post above I'm not going to let that idiot get to me, although I'm sure he won't be the last to try and put me down, so I'm going to just ignore them and continue on with my battle

Btw, I know Hebden Bridge, lovely place, but all those hills glad I don't live up that way now