Christianity ruins a relationship ....Alpha courses?

[Cathryn]

The Alpha Course isn't brainwashing at all. It's actually a very good way to find out about christianity with absolutely no pressure to convert or anything like that. At least then your friend has made an informed decision about whether or not christianity is his thing.

 

[Abitrary]

A friend of mine has started going to those meetings... and he's already gone a bit distant.

I end up arguing with him about the value of all this and it just cements his belief in it all. Although this probably isn't the modus operandi of these organisations, it is a by product of it.

I feel like hiring a transit van and going down there and doing an intervention - bruce willis style.

 

[Riding in Circles]

A friend of mine has started going to those meetings... and he's already gone a bit distant.

I end up arguing with him about the value of all this and it just cements his belief in it all. Although this probably isn't the modus operandi of these organisations, it is a by product of it.

I feel like hiring a transit van and going down there and doing an intervention - bruce willis style.

What does "gone a bit distant" mean? People change all the time for a number of reasons, friends are often uncomfortable if someone "finds God", but a real friend accepts the differences and does not make it an issue when it does not need to be one, maybe if you let him find his own way through it and how it integrates with his life, you will find it has less challenging that you do at the moment.

 

[Abitrary]

What does "gone a bit distant" mean?

He's sort of gone a bit serene, which doesn't suit him and gives the impression he's up to something.

People change all the time for a number of reasons, friends are often uncomfortable if someone "finds God",

He was a bit into god anyway. I don't see why he has to go to a discussion group about it. Why doesn't he just go to church on sunday for an hour and get it over with?

The more I think about this the more I am in fact inclined to go down there and do an intervention. Go down there and get him out, and put his new mates bang to rights in the bargain.

 

[Mr Pig]

friends are often uncomfortable if someone "finds God", but a real friend accepts the differences and does not make it an issue..

That's very true. Who's unhappy about the changes, him or you?

 

[Rhythm Thief]

I'd be pretty unhappy if any of my friends found god. I like them as rational thinking people, not the kind of people who believe in fairies at the bottom of the garden.
And as for becoming a god botherer just to get a shag ... forget it.

 

[tdr1nka]

I had a pacifist friend who suddenly joined a gun club and took up shooting.
We had had no idea that this desire had existed within him and neither had he. There were a lot of ruffled feathers and mocking within our 'group' about hypocrisy and other assumptions. Whereas, to be fair, he had harboured and questioned this desire for years and felt he needed to have the experience if he was to really speak against it.
Unfortunately the attitude of the group eventually started to dampen his spirits and he drifted away in order to protect his new found happiness.

I'm not personally fond of the structures and modes of most religions but what I am in favour of is anyone finding their peace and comfort in a world with all the fear, horror, loneliness and indecision that it presents, wherever they find it, be it Church or Pub.

To me, if you strip away the rhetoric from most religions you end up with some basic common sense rules which are meant to empower the individual rather than hold them down; respect for others, to not sit in judgement and to live a more accepting loving and aluturistic life.
All these things, no matter what your stand point, are readily declared to be missing from modern life.

Personally I would have no more interest in going out with someone if they were insisting I became vegetarian or a Christian.

And remember this, in any situation viewed by an optimist and a pessimist, the pessimist might well be right but the optimist will always have a better time of it!

 

[Mr Pig]

I like them as rational thinking people, not the kind of people who believe in fairies at the bottom of the garden.

Saying that is obviously insulting to people who have a faith in God but to be honest it doesn't bother me as all it does is give away your lack of any real knowledge of the subject.

 

[Riding in Circles]

The more I think about this the more I am in fact inclined to go down there and do an intervention. Go down there and get him out, and put his new mates bang to rights in the bargain.

So you are going to go to this meeting and tell those nasty Christians that he is your mate, not theirs and how dare they be friends with him?


Hmmmm, good luck with that.

 

[Abitrary]

So you are going to go to this meeting and tell those nasty Christians that he is your mate, not theirs and how dare they be friends with him?

Hmmmm, good luck with that.

Maybe. He doesn't have much of an interest span anyway, and will probably get bored of it soon.

In fact that's what I'll do.. wait for him to get bored of it like he does all his other schemes and only then go down there and warn them off coming after him. Better safe than sorry.

 

[Baggy]

friends are often uncomfortable if someone "finds God", but a real friend accepts the differences and does not make it an issue when it does not need to be one, maybe if you let him find his own way through it and how it integrates with his life, you will find it has less challenging that you do at the moment.

This can be the case, and agree many people do find happiness through religion and belief, which is great, but being a friend and accepting people's changes works both ways. It also seems to depend how "extremist" your Church is.

An ex-boyfriend "found" God when he was going through an incredibly difficult period in his life (teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown). He used to think he could speak in tongues, started to doubt whether women should be wearing trousers...and was jubilant at being one of the chosen. This was quite a lot for us both to cope with.

As he was encouraged to renounce his past life there was little point in trying to work out what was happening with our relationship - I either accepted God, or it was "goodbye Jezebel" (his Church's advice). So, I had little choice but to leave, I couldn't fake belief and there was no compromise or understanding of how I felt from his side.

His church happily fixed him up with another of their congregation in what was virtually an arranged marriage. The whole thing was heartbreaking, and the church could have helped him deal with what was happening in some way other than egging him on - but they were delighted to have an ex-stoner to parade as their latest convert. At one point he was almost convinced he was Jesus himself...

Thirteen years on, he's divorced and quietly Christian and we've finally made peace with one another. He himself says that he was a bit "full on" and the experience must have been incredibly difficult for anyone outside of it to stomach.

He's come through life ok, and found peace and comfort but I'm not sure if that's been in spite of, or because of his faith.

 

[Riding in Circles]

This can be the case, and agree many people do find happiness through religion and belief, which is great, but being a friend and accepting people's changes works both ways. It also seems to depend how "extremist" your Church is.

An ex-boyfriend "found" God when he was going through an incredibly difficult period in his life (teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown). He used to think he could speak in tongues, started to doubt whether women should be wearing trousers...and was jubilant at being one of the chosen. This was quite a lot for us both to cope with.

As he was encouraged to renounce his past life there was little point in trying to work out what was happening with our relationship - I either accepted God, or it was "goodbye Jezebel" (his Church's advice). So, I had little choice but to leave, I couldn't fake belief and there was no compromise or understanding of how I felt from his side.

His church happily fixed him up with another of their congregation in what was virtually an arranged marriage. The whole thing was heartbreaking, and the church could have helped him deal with what was happening in some way other than egging him on - but they were delighted to have an ex-stoner to parade as their latest convert. At one point he was almost convinced he was Jesus himself...

Thirteen years on, he's divorced and quietly Christian and we've finally made peace with one another. He himself says that he was a bit "full on" and the experience must have been incredibly difficult for anyone outside of it to stomach.

He's come through life ok, and found peace and comfort but I'm not sure if that's been in spite of, or because of his faith.

I know where you are coming from, some churches are all about their own image and not about the faith, hence they can grab people and miss out how they should be helping them, sounds like your ex found something he wanted but got hooked in by what is called a "heavy shepherding" fellowship. these groups are all about control where Christianity is all about setting people free.

 

[Moonlight]

I am usually sceptical of anything Chrisitan (I still haven't forgiven the church for thier 1950 years of cruelty and sufferage they have caused the world) and of course any religion that has the ancient sign of suffering at thier symbol (the cross) can't be good.

However, religion can do a lot of good in the world. A friend of mine is a methodist and she dedicates so much of her time to so many good things...
He should definitly investigate...in a wary fashion of course.

NB. It is not my intention to offend any religion or followers in any way. My opinion is my own and until proven otherwise completely valid.

 

[bobg]

Thanks all, theres some useful "slants" there. I'm tempted to send him a link to this thread.... BTW its no me - honest- I did have to go to "Catholic lessons" when I married Mrs BG but that was cos she was a Catholic and wanted to get married in a Catholic church. Ironically the priest that took the "lessons" was defrocked some years later after being found to be too friendly with the choirboys.
Anyway back to my mates dilemma. It seems that they have loads in common and get on wonderfully except for this stumbling block. He did go to Church with her and found it a bit disconcerting ... standing on chairs and flag waving etc?? I think he tried to apply logic to her beliefs when they discussed it ...potentially a big mistake. maybe as Cathryn suggested he could go to one of the Alpha meetings if only to allow him to make decisions on the basis of some knowledge. I did suggest that he "pretended " but he wasnt keen. If it was only lust and he wasn't choosy he could always get a quickie for a few quid with no strings .. ( ironically the red light district is round by the Anglican Cathederal ) but he wasnt keen on that either. Ah well I'm off for a ride .. no emotional/ relationship problems to worry about there If they eventually get married you're all invited

 

[Mr Pig]

I still haven't forgiven the church for thier 1950 years of cruelty and sufferage they have caused the world.

A lot of what goes on has nothing to do with Christianity, there is a big difference between Christianity and 'the church'. Evil men will always find a way to twist things and justify their actions, and you'll find that in every faith and, I hate to say it, but among non-believers too! ;0) God knows what they've done.

Bigot. JOHN 15:12 NKJ
12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

That quote is out of context and does not apply to this situation. The bible does not forbid relationships with non Christians but it strongly advises against it, which given the subject of the thread you can see is resonable advice.

Also, if you are married and you become a Christian you are NOT to leave your partner. I know of quite a few couples where one is a Christian and the other isn't. Most find it a hard thing to deal with at times but they don't break up, nor should they.